A bewitching smile covered her face as she stared at him. “Aye, Alex, nothing would make me happier. Are you sure you still want me after everything you have learned about me?”
“Lass, you must be the strongest person I have ever met to have survived what you have. I have always wanted a strong woman to be the mother of my sons.”
Alex sensed Maddie’s anxiety immediately. “Sit and talk with me,” he said as he took her hand and guided her to the large chair in front of the hearth. He sat and arranged her on his lap, careful to avoid his bandaged leg.
“Maddie, please listen to me for a few minutes. I understand your fears. What happened with Niles was no’ natural. He was a cruel man to have treated you thus. I will never do that to you. I hope you believe me when I say I will never hurt you. What happens between a husband and wife should not be painful after the first time. You know what the act is and what it involves. But, lass, don’t be frightened. The marriage bed should be pleasurable for both and it is up to me to make sure that it is not painful for you. And you have my word that I will stop anytime you want me to when we are married.” Alex massaged her arm as he talked.
He lifted her chin and gazed straight into her blue eyes. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you that the marriage bed should be enjoyable for both people?”
Maddie nodded. “My maid, Alice, told me so, but she didn’t say much. I just don’t understand it. I have heard a few servants talk about it, but I cannot always understand what they mean. I only have my own experience to guide me. And I did not like anything about it. It was very painful and humiliating for me.” Her head dropped to rest on his shoulder.
Alex clenched his jaw and set his lips to her forehead so she could not see his eyes, “How many times, Maddie?” He held his breath, not sure what he was about to hear.
“Just one night, but four or five times. I do not remember for sure. But it hurt every time and I bled terribly from it. I am afraid, Alex.”
“Do you trust me, Maddie?” He ran his thumb across her cheek.
“Aye, I do.”
“Then trust me when I say we will not do anything until you are ready, lass.”
She was so beautiful. Her hair was a shambles and she was breathtaking. How he longed to feel all of her glorious curves! But he knew after everything she had been through, he needed to take his time with her. He longed to trace his tongue over every inch of her body. Someday, he vowed. He believed that just below the surface was a passionate woman, he just needed to be patient. Could he trust himself?
He ran his knuckles over her cheek. Kissing her forehead, her nose, and her lips, he wondered if she would reject him. Capturing her face in his hands, he lowered his mouth to hers. She tasted so sweet. He wanted all of her, to possess her. Fortunately, she didn’t push away. He expected she would, he just didn’t know when. Instead, he was pleased when she opened her mouth for him so he could sweep his tongue inside her sweet mouth. She touched her tongue to his briefly and he groaned, losing any chance at reasonable thought.
Maddie’s arms wrapped around his neck as she pulled him in tighter. She loved the feel of being in his arms. When Alex kissed her, warmth spread through her entire body. Her stomach was full of butterflies, but she didn’t want him to stop. It felt so right to be in his arms. Alex ran his hand down the inside of her arm and she shivered. The fluttering reached to her core. She was confused by her feelings, unable to comprehend the changes going on inside her body. His hands had dropped to her waist. She leaned into him. Everything about Alex was wonderful. She could hear his breathing increase. Her own heart beat faster. His hand swept down her back and across her waist. He rested his hand on her thigh.
And Madeline bolted as if she had been burned. Pushing against him, she jumped out of his lap. She turned to run as far away as she could, but only found the far wall. Hiding her face toward the wall, she folded her arms protectively across her breasts. Dropping her head, she recalled how sore and bruised her breasts had been after Niles had raped her. Her eyes squeezed shut in an attempt to block the painful memories, her hands reaching up to hold her head. She tried to get her breathing under control, but to no avail. What would Alex have done to her next? She peeked at him briefly, but jerked her head away. Tears seared her lashes. Afraid of the anger she would see in his eyes from her refusal, she darted her gaze everywhere but at him. He was still seated in the chair.
She panted and coughed as her panic escalated.
“I am sorry, Alex. I just cannot do this.” She turned her back to the wall and stared at him. What was he thinking? Would he beat her? He hadn’t moved from the chair. He was probably thinking about what he would do to her, how to hurt her the most. His arms were down, relaxed. A fine tremor rippled through her whole body. He was so muscled, he could truly cause her pain. Now what could she do? Even if he wasn’t going to beat her, he probably no longer wanted her. How could he want a wife that would push him or hit him whenever they became intimate? She again squeezed her eyes shut to try to erase the bad memories in her mind. When she opened her eyes, Alex was still sitting in the chair. He had not moved. His eyes searched hers.