Maddie sat and pulled her knees up to her chin, carefully tucking her robe around her. She thought of all the recent changes in her life. Time was what she needed to decide what her next step should be, but she didn’t have it. Who knew when Kenneth would arrive? She escaped from him for the short term, but he wouldn’t give up easily. She didn’t understand why he wanted her to marry the Comming, other than they were neighbors. If her father was here, he would know what to do. She had no one to turn to for guidance.
She shuddered as she thought back on the beatings and injustices she endured at her stepbrother’s hands. She would never go back, she just could not. Her home was becoming a shambles thanks to Kenneth. And it no longer felt like a home to her with her parents gone. She had to move on with her life.
Marrying Niles Comming was certainly not the answer. She remembered how Kenneth had handed her over to Niles when he came to the keep. Kenneth gave the Comming one of the largest chambers for his use. Unfortunately, his use had included using her.
Maddie’s eyes closed as the painful memories assailed her. She had tried fighting him, but her struggles excited him more. He eventually tied her to the bed and took her over and over. Her lips had bled just from the brutal way he kissed her. He jammed his tongue in her mouth so far she gagged several times. She remembered the stench and sweat on his body when he had been on top of her and ripped through her maidenhead, grunting and laughing.
Maddie had heard it was supposed to be painful the first time, but it had hurt more each time he raped her. She recalled screaming the first few times, but gave up after awhile as there was no one to help her. She never screamed again as it only seared her throat. Niles was her betrothed, thus he had the right to do anything he wanted with her. She may have lost consciousness a couple of times because she had awakened to Niles’ slap.
She had been bruised for a sennight afterwards, but tried to be strong around her servants and her maid, always aware of the pitying looks they gave her. There were many nights she cried herself to sleep.
Maddie rested her chin on her knees and thought of Alex. How different he was from Niles and Kenneth. He was so powerful and strong, yet when he touched her, he was soft and gentle. Firm but fair as laird, his people respected him. Alex often made sure everyone else was taken care of ahead of himself. Kenneth would never do that. His needs had always come first.
No, she didn’t think Alex and Kenneth had much in common. Nor did Alex seem to be much like Niles. She thought about the marriage bed, would Alex be the same way? Would he humiliate a woman and then laugh at her as Niles had done? She didn’t think so. But even so, the marriage act was the same for everyone, or so she thought. How could she bear that pain again? How often did you have to do it to get with child? Alice had said it was a wonderful thing when two people loved each other, however, there was nothing pleasant from her experience. Of course, she didn’t love Niles, and knew she never could. She would prefer life in a convent to a life with Niles Comming. How she wished her mother was here so she could talk to her.
Could it be possible for her to be betrothed to Alex? Or would she be able to tolerate another man? She quickly dismissed any other man. She didn’t think anyone else would make her feel the way Alex did. Was she in love with Alex? Nay, it couldn’t be love she felt for him. He still made her anxious at times. He turned angry quickly, and frequently. And it seemed his anger was oft directed at her, though she didn’t understand why. However, even when he bellowed, she was never really afraid of him. She believed him when he said he would never hurt her. He appeared to be trustworthy, a man of honor, one that took his word very seriously. If that was the case, wouldn’t the marriage bed have to be better with him?
She thought of the many good things she knew about Alex. He was a wonderful brother to wee Jennie. Maddie had envied Jennie last night when Alex had enfolded her in his arms. He always had a smile for Jennie while he was bellowing at Maddie. Probably a good thing as his smile made Maddie’s knees go weak. How insightful of him to arrange for Jennie to have a new puppy after they lost their parents. Kenneth liked to beat animals.
Maddie smiled when she thought about how quickly Alex had picked up Alice when she was injured. She had been filthy, but that didn’t stop Alex. He acted as if he hadn’t even noticed her noxious smell. How sweet it was of him to call Alice ‘my lady.’ Oh, and how could she forget he had referred to her as ‘my Madeline’ last night? Her brow furrowed as she recalled that comment. Did he really think of her that way?
She remembered how good it felt to be in his arms last night. His kiss had been wonderful. He promised to always protect her. How she hoped he was right. She was more frightened than ever at the thought of Kenneth or Niles touching her again. She shuddered at the thought of Kenneth’s anger. If she never saw either one of them again, she would be happy. But that probably wasn’t realistic.