Rescued by Love(28)

He kissed Seth’s forehead, his frustration easing with Addy’s expression. Before Seth and Coco were born Jake hadn’t given kids a moment’s thought, but his niece and nephew had instantly wormed their way into his heart—although that didn’t mean he was ready for his own kids. “Don’t get any ideas. I gotta be able to pick up and leave at a moment’s notice to go on rescue missions.”

“Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren’t you?” She tickled Seth’s cheek, earning another sweet grin. “I’m barely girlfriend material.”

“Yeah, about that. Were you going to tell me about Logan?” The name shot off his tongue like a curse.

“I knew you were upset about that, which you have no right to be, by the way. I told you I didn’t want to have to deal with any weird jealousy stuff, no matter how flattering it might be.”

“Flattering?” He scoffed. “What do you mean I have no right to be upset? You won’t let me go with you, but you’ll stay with some guy at his cabin?”

She crossed her arms, scowling as Boone and Cage headed out of the resort, and lowered her voice. “Maybe you’re not boyfriend material after all.”

“What the hell, Addy?”

“How about asking me who Logan is before giving me a death stare and jumping to conclusions?”

“Shit,” he grumbled. “Yeah, I could have done that. But what do you expect me to think?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe that I’m a professional paralegal with a life that goes beyond hookups and casual sex?”

The hurt in her voice cut him to his core.

“We just talked about not hitting each other’s triggers. Do you really think I would be so cruel as to throw out some guy’s name who I’ve slept with? In front of your parents, no less?” She stepped closer, her stare lethal. She glanced at the baby, and the tension in her face eased a little.

Not enough.

Not nearly enough.

“I screwed up,” he said earnestly. “I’m sorry.”

She stared at him for a long moment, sucking all the air from his lungs.

“What are we doing, Jake?” She spoke calmly, though he had the feeling it was for the baby’s benefit, because she was breathing hard, and a mix of pleading and anger hovered in her eyes.

He couldn’t tell if she wanted to yell, cry, or walk away, but he hoped for the first, because he had no idea how to deal with tears, and he sure as hell didn’t want to lose her.

“Maybe we’re not made for this type of relationship. I sure as heck never thought I was.” She crossed her arms again, and all he wanted to do was take her in his and apologize, but before he could move a muscle she said, “I see Gabby and Duke, Trish and Boone, and everyone else, and they all seem so happy, like they were meant to be together. And your parents? God, what they have is so real. I grew up with air kisses and don’t-wrinkle-my-clothes hugs. Being with you, the way you held me, touched me…” She pressed her mouth into a thin line and shifted her eyes away. “For a brief moment I let myself forget who I’ve always been. It’s no wonder you jumped to that conclusion.”

When she met his gaze again, her eyes were filled with determination, and that slayed him anew. She tried so hard to be strong, and this time it was his fault her walls had gone back up.

He reached for her hand. “Addy…”

She looked down at his hand without taking it, and his eyes caught on the baby. He shot a look down the empty hallway. Where the hell was everyone? Panic sparked inside him at the prospect of not being able to talk this out here and now, which was really hard when he was holding a little baby who, remarkably, was falling asleep. He took Addy’s hand, holding it tight as he walked toward the doors that led to the veranda.

“We’re talking this out.” It took all his effort to speak quietly when he really wanted to let it all out, regardless of how loud or angry they became. Some things took yelling and slamming doors to get them out of a person’s system, and that was okay. She was worth it. He pushed open the doors and stepped outside, bringing her with him.

“We can do this later,” she said, shading her eyes from the bright sun.

“No, we can’t.” He pulled out a chair from beneath one of the round glass tables and motioned for her to sit down, taking the seat beside her. He resituated the baby so he was cradled against his chest. “Look, I was a dick for not asking you about the guy—”

“Logan,” she said flatly.

“Right. Logan. I’m sorry for being an ass and jumping to conclusions. It turns out I am a jealous asshole, but not over just any woman, Addy. Over you. It’s not an excuse. You know I’m not big on excuses. I might be a jerk sometimes, but I’m an honest guy.” Acutely aware of the baby in his arms, he spoke in a harsh whisper, fighting the urge to raise his voice. “So, yeah, I might have some more jerky, jealous moves left in me, and it’ll suck for both of us until I learn to get control of it. But that’s no reason not to try to make this work. We both have pasts.”

“Big ones,” she added, glancing at the sleeping baby.

She ran her finger over Seth’s hair with a faraway look in her eyes that stopped Jake cold. He looked down at his adorable, innocent nephew and was overwhelmed by the emotions swamping him. How did people get from where he and Addy were to being where Duke and Gabby were? Or Cash and Siena, with two beautiful babies? Duke was no saint. Hell, none of them were. Well, except maybe Gage. But if each of his brothers could figure out how to rein in jealousy and live with their partner’s past, then so could he.

He looked up, catching Addy watching him, and realized he still hadn’t asked her how she knew the guy with the cabin even after she’d pointed it out. God, he really was an ass.

“I’m sorry I didn’t ask about how you knew Logan.”

“He’s a private investigator. Gabby hired him to do some research for a case. He’s a nice guy with a new wife.”

“Like I said, I’m a jealous asshole.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Jealous yes, but you’re not really an asshole. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I probably would have assumed the same thing.”

“Thank Christ. Look, Addy, I want to say I don’t care about who you were with before me, but that implies that I don’t care about a part of you, and that would be a lie. Because I do care about you, even if whoever you were with before me doesn’t matter. But that doesn’t mean I won’t have a visceral reaction in times like this.”

She looked up at him with a tight-lipped expression.

“We can’t change the past, Addy, and honestly, as much as I hate thinking about you with any other guy, changing your history would mean you’d be a different person. And I totally dig who you are.” Her expression softened. “I can’t change my reaction to hearing about that g—Logan. But I can try to change how I react in the future.”

“Good,” she said, her expression fierce once again. “Because I don’t like to be accused, and I sure as heck don’t want to fight or have to defend who I am. As much as I enjoy our snappy banter, fighting sucks, and accusations hurt, and I need that in my life like I need a hole in my head.”

“Agreed. And I’m sorry. I will do whatever it takes to make this work if you’re willing to try.” He reached for her hand. “No one said this would be easy.”

“You don’t really believe that I thought this would be easy, do you?” She smiled, and it righted a few pieces of his upended world. “We’re passionate people, and passion has two sides. The side that burns so deep you can’t escape it, and the side that claws away the skin and leaves you raw. Nothing about either one of us is easy, but for some godforsaken reason, I seem to like that about you.”

He moved to the edge of his chair and put his arm around her neck, drawing her close. Even that felt too far away. “You like a passionate asshole. What does that say about you?”

She shook her head with a silent laugh, closing her eyes for a beat. When she opened them, her walls had come down again.

“You’re really frustrating.”

“Thank you. My girlfriend likes me that way.” He kissed her then, slow and sweet, full of apology and gratitude and something much deeper. “I’m sorry, baby. I’ll try to rein in my reactions. But on a positive note, I think we just survived our first fight.”

They both looked down at the sleeping baby nestled between them.

“I think every couple should hold a baby when they argue,” she whispered.

“I’ll have to thank Cash.” He was thinking about everything she’d said, and he felt like there was still so much left to say. “Addy, I don’t ever want to make you feel bad, or hurt, or angry, although I’m sure I’ll make you angry plenty of times without realizing it. What you said earlier about when you were younger? Baby, I wish I had known you back then so I could make up for each of those air kisses and don’t-wrinkle-my-clothes hugs.”

She leaned forward and caressed his cheek. He loved that so freaking much, he pressed his hand to the back of hers so it wouldn’t slip away.