Rescued By A Viscount(42)
“You’re so different from other men I know.”
“Different how?”
Claire placed her hand on his chest to feel his warmth and strength. “You are never afraid to get close to people, Simon, which is not the usual behavior of a nobleman. And I do not mean close in that way…you know.”
“I know what you mean. Continue with what you were saying.”
“You touch people when you are with them–a brush of fingers or a kiss on the cheek. You seem unaware of the boundaries most people have firmly erected around themselves, and for the most, people accept that in you because you are comfortable with it yourself. You use endearments freely, too, and I see the flush of pleasure on women’s faces when you do. Tis not a criticism, you understand, Simon,” Claire said quickly when he fell silent. She had always been secretly awed at how comfortable he seemed making those gestures and saying those words.
“I spent the early years of my life with no touching or endearments from my parents, Claire. My aunt and uncle visited briefly, and they would offer me love, yet it was only for a few days, and when they left I lived without it again. After my parent’s deaths, I went to live with my aunt and uncle, and it was then I understood what those gestures really mean to a person, so I vowed never to live my life without them. Now tell me about your sleeplessness.”
Claire did not ask him further questions about his childhood, as she sensed the memories were painful for him, but she wondered who would not want to touch this man or the boy he had once been.
“I was always a light sleeper yet I slept well until Anthony returned from war.”
“Tell me?” His hand stroked her head in slow, sweeping motions that felt wonderful.
“When Anthony went away, I used to lie awake thinking about him and wondering if he would return. I still managed to sleep and it was not until he came home that the problems really started.”
“Because he returned injured.”
Claire felt the hot sting of tears as she nodded, her cheek rubbing over his chest. She hated crying yet when she thought of Anthony she couldn’t stop herself. “Yes, and he suffered so much. Sometimes the pain was terrible, and he would clench his hands into fists to stop himself crying out. But the nights were the worst.”
“And because you were awake, you kept him company?”
“He died in my arms. My beautiful brother went to war a strong and healthy man and came back broken.”
“And after he died, you could not sleep?” Simon said softly.
“For so long, I saw him every time I closed my eyes.”
“Have you ever taken laudanum?”
His fingers were stroking her hair and brushing her cheek now and then, and the feeling was heavenly. “I think Plimley puts it in the tisane he gives me occasionally, but it is only a very small amount, and I wake feeling horrid.”
“I’m glad. Prolonged use is not good for you.”
“Yes.” Claire sighed, closing her eyes because they felt so heavy.
“What happens when you get into bed and close your eyes? What stops you from sleeping, Claire?”
“My head is suddenly filled with thoughts. They tumble around and around, keeping me awake. The harder I try to sleep, the more alert I feel. I get so frustrated and angry because I cannot control it.”
“Surely your mother and Mathew–”
“They don’t know,” Claire whispered.
He ran one long finger down her cheek. His touch was so light, yet she felt it through her entire body.
“Why doesn’t your family know, Claire?”
“I have no wish to worry my mother, as there is nothing she can do for me, and I have not discussed it with Mathew as I’m not close with him.”
“As you were with Anthony?”
“Yes.” She sighed again. Thinking of Mathew made Claire feel sad. He would never forgive her for this.
“Am I right in saying your inability to control your ability to sleep makes you want to control everything else in your life, ever-competent Miss Belmont?
“You’re very astute for a man.”
She heard the rumble of his laughter against her ear. “I don’t know if I should be flattered or insulted.”
“The thing is, Simon, I need to be in control because I fear if I wasn’t, I would never leave the house. I do get sleep but not a lot, and some days, just getting dressed seems too much of an effort. I am continually worried I will fall asleep somewhere–a play, a musical.”
“I cannot believe you have managed to fool us all for so long. Truly, it is a feat, especially as you never look anything but beautiful. Your face never shows fatigue.”
“People only see what they want, Simon, and most evenings, all the women are looking at is my dress and jewelry and men, well-