I tried to steady myself. “It’s not that I don’t care about you, or that I don’t want to be with you. I just don’t know if we can make it work without hurting each other.”
He sighed and ran his hands through his hair, making it messier. “Fine, maybe it was our fault. We got a little too intense. But you know what Lorrie? I’ve never felt anything like being with you. I know you feel the same way too. That’s gotta be something right?”
His looked at me, his eyes expectant and challenging, but I didn’t know how to face him. I looked down at my shoes, trying to put into words how I felt.
“I don’t know,” I said, sighing deeply. Nothing made sense. I was drained and exhausted and I didn’t want to argue anymore. When I woke up that morning, I thought I would never see Hunter again. Now, he was here in front of me, had a horrible illness, and wanted to work things out. My temples were pounding and I could barely even think straight.
He took my hand in his. “Please, Lorrie. We can do this.”
I massaged my forehead, but it did nothing to ease the pounding pain. I didn’t know if what Hunter wanted was possible or not, but we couldn’t just keep pushing each other away. If I’d learned anything the past couple months, it was that Hunter and I couldn’t be just friends. Keeping each other at arm’s length would only lead to more pain. Still, how could we build something healthy together?
Hunter was still looking at me, his face open and hopeful.
Dr. Schwartz thought that we might be good for each other, but our first try at a relationship had ended in disaster. Still, I didn’t doubt that he loved me. He wouldn’t have come all the way out here if he didn’t.
Now that he had confided his secret to me, I couldn’t just turn my back on him. Not when he needed me most. How could I give up on Hunter when he refused to give up on us? I didn’t know if I was strong enough to help him carry his burdens, but I had to try.
I looked away into the woods for a few moments, trying to think of what to say. I wanted to give Hunter a chance, but I needed to make sure he understood that we couldn’t do it the same way again this time.
“I don’t want to use each other to hide from our problems,” I said finally. “I don’t want to keep hiding and running anymore.”
I watched him carefully for his reaction.
“We won’t,” he said. “We’ll face them together.”
His eyes were open and eager, but I wasn’t sure if he really understood what I meant.
“If we’re going to save each other, you can’t look at me like I’m always the one who needs rescuing,” I said. “That’s―”
“Lorrie, I―”
I had to get it out now, while I still could. “No! Please let me finish. The reason I left Studsen wasn’t because of you, but if you told me the truth, none of this would’ve happened.”
Hunter swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “I’m sorry. No more secrets. I promise.”
I stared into his eyes and my heart melted for him. Dealing with his MS had to be so hard. Constantly worrying about his health. The fear that he might be stuck in a hospital bed for the rest of his life . . . or worse. It would have been so easy for him to never see me again after how I ended things, but he decided to drive hours to come here to try to work things out.
“Okay,” I said finally.
His face brightened and he threw his arms around my shoulders, hugging me against his massive body.
I leaned into him for a moment before pulling back to look into his eyes. “We have to go slow this time, though. We have a lot of things to think about. All of this . . . all of this is so much for me. I thought I’d never see you again, and now you’re here.”
My pulse started to speed up. “If we go too fast and don’t think about how to make this healthy, we’ll make a mess of things, and this time I just know that it’ll be worse.”
He nodded slowly, squeezing my hand tighter. “We’ll go slow, Lorrie.”
I hoped that he had the self-control to do what I asked, because I didn’t know if I had it. His lips were just a few inches away, but I closed my eyes, grateful that he just wanted to hug me for now.
We held onto each other for a few minutes and my headache slowly faded to a dull throb. When I felt like I was back on earth again, the concerns of the wider world started to come back.
“What are you doing about your classes?” I asked him.
“I can miss a few classes. You’re more important than that.”
I frowned. Hunter was pretty smart, but I didn’t like that he was skipping classes. I decided to leave that up to him for now. Still though, I wanted to make sure we were clear. “You can’t hurt yourself for me Hunter. Are you going to be okay, you know, after being in the hospital?”