“Damnit,” I threw it on the bed, frustrated.
Hunter watched me but didn’t make a comment, he just reached into the black bag to give me a new foil packet.
I sucked in air through my teeth, then wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans before taking the shiny square from him. I wasn’t going to give up. This time, it tore open with ease.
The sharp smell of rubbing alcohol greeted my nose. Hunter unbuckled his belt with one hand and slid his pants halfway to his knees. An image of Aunt Caroline walking in on us flashed through my mind before I burned it out with a vengeance. I had to focus on Hunter right now.
“Just rub the pad on my left thigh,” he said, pointing to an area on his leg. “Right here is fine.”
I swabbed his skin at the spot he was pointing to, the alcohol evaporating quickly from my fingers and making them cold.
“Here,” he said after I threw the pad out. He held the syringe between two fingers and offered it to to me.
I paused to take several deep breaths before accepting it from him. The syringe felt heavier than it looked, like it was made of stone. Sweat beaded on my brow, making my head itchy and uncomfortable. I tried to hold the needle upright, but my hand was shaking furiously.
“Lorrie, can you do this?”
“I don’t want to mess up,” I croaked. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
He gave my shoulder a light squeeze. “You won’t. I trust you.”
I looked into his soft gray eyes, blinking away the stinging in my own. This wasn’t about me, this was about Hunter. He was showing me that he could trust me with his pain. If I didn’t do this, it would hurt him more than anything else I could possibly do. I had to be brave. I couldn’t let him down.
“Inject it right where you swabbed me. It needs to hit the muscle, then you just push the plunger in.”
I nodded, swallowing a few times but unable to get rid of the tightness in my throat. My heart raced.
I can do this.
It felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was near the edge of panic, but I wasn’t going to let emotions get to better of me.
Hunter trusts me.
Closing my eyes I forced myself to take a large lungful of air.
I can be strong for him.
In one quick movement, I stuck the needle into his thigh and pressed my thumb down on the plunger, pushing the liquid into him.
We both let out a sigh.
We had done it. Together.
After my hand stopped feeling shaky, I plucked the syringe out and handed it to him. He capped the tip of the needle and put it back into the pouch. A small droplet of blood dotted the point where the needle went into his thigh and Hunter smeared it away with his thumb.
I took deep shuddering breaths, feeling a numb tingling in my fingers.
Hunter put his pants back on, and then sat down on the bed again. He reached a hand to the back of my neck, pulling my face in until our foreheads were together.
“Thank you,” he said, eyes closed and breathing slowly.
“Thanks for letting me help,” I whispered back.
Hunter looked directly at me, an intense expression on his face. We held each other for a few moments, taking deep breaths and trying to gather ourselves again.
It felt like we had passed another milestone today. I knew that Hunter didn’t really need me to help with his injection. He could have easily done it himself. What he’d done was choose to let me see the pain he was dealing with.
Everyone saw the tattoos and muscles, but Hunter had shown me something deeper today. He wasn’t a mountain of meat that could take any abuse thrown at him in a cage. He was real. He had hopes and dreams and a heart bigger than that of anyone I’d ever met. I had broken that heart once, but he still came to find me.
Now, he wasn’t hiding his problems from me anymore and we were finally starting to face them together. It was terrifying, but I knew that I was at least strong enough to not run away. The mess we had made of things while we were at Studsen seemed like it was so long ago.
I studied his face closely. Many of the bruises he had from the fight were already starting the turn yellow.
“How are your injuries feeling?” I asked.
“They’re healing. I think I’ll be fine.”
I threw my arms around Hunter and pecked him quickly on the lips. His eyes brightened and shot up, a slow smile spreading across his face.
“What was that for?”
“I don’t know, just because,” I said, smiling back.
He gave me a hug and I sank into him, putting my head on his chest. I could hear his heart beating right next to my ear. I briefly thought about telling him about the letter that I had written back to Marco, but then decided against it. I didn’t want to ruin this moment with talk about my mother’s murderer.