Rescue Me(99)
She curled her arms around her waist, willing herself to stop shaking.
“Willow?”
She hadn’t heard her come in. Willow turned and saw Sierra standing in the doorframe. “You okay? Pastor Hayes said you came in here.”
Willow shook her head. “No. I’m—I’m so stupid, just like Sam said.”
Sierra let the door close behind her. Stood there for a second, her expression turning fierce. “You are not stupid, Willow. You saved those kids.”
“No, Sierra. Let’s not fool ourselves and think that our getting out of the woods in one piece—mostly in one piece—wasn’t God stepping in to deliver us, each step of the way.” She whisked her tears from her cheeks. “I should have stayed and waited for Sam. I don’t know why I left—”
“You left because you saw where you were, you weighed the options, and that was the right one.” Sierra came into the room. “And yes, God saved you—but he used you and Sam and Josh to do it.”
Willow wanted to believe her, but . . . “You should have seen Sam. He just didn’t give up. He was so hurt and cold and he just—”
“Stop talking about Sam.”
Willow recoiled. Oh. Right. Her breath caught. “Sorry.” She sighed. “I know Sam probably told you that I . . .” She swallowed, turned back to stare out the window. “I kissed him. Right here, actually.”
Sierra went quiet. Then, “No, he didn’t.”
Oh. Willow drew in a breath. Well.
Of course not. Because if he had, that would mean he meant his words about straightening things out with Sierra. About him wanting Willow.
She hadn’t really believed Sam intended to break up with Sierra. He’d simply been caught up in the emotion of their survival, the momentum of the trauma, the need to cling to someone—anyone.
She’d been convenient, and painfully too easy. For Pete’s sake, she’d practically given him her heart right here in this room.
Willow drew in a breath past the shattered pieces.
“Well,” she said now, clearing her throat, “I did. And it was wrong. And I’m so sorry—”
Sierra was right there, arms around her waist, holding her close. “Willow. Shh. It’s okay. I don’t care.”
She didn’t care? Willow stiffened. “What are you talking about?”
“Oh, Willow, do you think I don’t know you? Or how you feel about Sam?”
Sierra stepped back, gave her a sad smile. “I wanted you to go on that hiking trip with him. I knew that we weren’t right for each other, and I admit I was selfish. I didn’t want to break his heart. I was hoping he’d fall for you, and I’d be sort of off the hook.” She took Willow’s hands. “I just had no idea that he’d break your heart.”
Willow just stared at her. “But he was holding your hand.”
“No. I was holding his hand. Because I was worried about him. Nothing more.”
Oh.
“I’m guessing, by the way he reacted in the ER, that my diabolical plot worked. I’d bet he does have feelings for you. He completely lost it when he discovered you weren’t where he left you.”
“And that’s the point. I should have trusted him. Instead, I left.”
“For the kids.”
“Really? Because I’ve been going over and over it, and maybe I was just too afraid that he wouldn’t keep his promise. That even though he said it, I’d be sitting there in the darkness. Alone.”
Sierra tucked her hair behind her ear, sadness in her eyes. “You’re not alone, Willow.”
“Yes, I am. Because you left out the only important part. Whether you intended Sam to fall for me or not, he didn’t tell you about us, did he?”
Sierra stared at her, the words finally landing. She shook her head.
Willow didn’t think it could hurt any worse.
Until, Sierra added, “He told me that nothing happened.”
Willow drew in a breath. “Yeah. Well, he’s right. Nothing happened. Nothing that matters, anyway.” She forced a smile, hated the way it quivered at the edges. One of these days she’d learn not to give away her heart quite so easily.
“Let’s go home,” she said. “Or whatever passes for home these days.” She closed her eyes, shook her head. Gave a harsh laugh.
“C’mon, Eeyore. You need a bath—and I happen to know that Jess has working plumbing. I’ll even spring for gelato.” Sierra took Willow’s hand. “By the way, I do know someone who has missed you desperately.”
Willow looked at her, shook her head.
“Gopher.”
Now that they’d gotten the crew home, Jess’s lie sat under her skin like acid, sinking into her heart.