Rescue Me(94)

Willow frowned. “You weren’t married, Mom.”

“But I should have been. My biggest regret is turning Jackson down when he asked. We had a nice family, and then I got scared and ran. I changed my name and threw myself into a new life, trying to reinvent myself. Again.”

Indeed. Her mother had changed her name three times in her life from her original name—Charlene. Before Willow’s birth, she’d been Meadow. Then she’d met Jackson, fallen in love, and changed her name to Lilly. She’d only become Blossom after the disastrous fallout of her breakup with Jackson.

“The truth is, I loved Jackson. I gave myself reasons why we shouldn’t be married—but we all do that—we find excuses for people not to love us. Not to choose us because we’re so afraid of being hurt. When, in fact, relationships mean letting yourself be loved, even if you don’t think you deserve it.”

Willow reached out, touched her mother’s hand. “You deserve to be loved, Mom.”

“I think I’m starting to believe that.” She looked up, met Willow’s eyes. “And you should too.”

“Not at the cost of Sierra. She deserves to be happy, and Sam will make her happy.”

“No. Sam makes you happy. Ian makes Sierra happy. Unfortunately.”

“But she can’t have Ian. Or won’t.”

“And it’s a good thing too, because Ian has taken your sister for granted for years.”

“Mom, she was his secretary.”

Blossom gave her a withering look, and Willow conceded. “Okay, yes. She gave her heart to Ian. But that’s why Sam is such a great catch for her. He appreciates how capable she is—”

“And how she doesn’t need him?”

Well, yeah. “I’m just such a mess, Mom. I’m always doing stupid, reckless things. Sam is the sensible one.”

“And that’s why he’s the right one—for you. Because love is about mutual dependence—I know that much. I didn’t want to need Jackson. It scared me. So I ran from him. But it wasn’t until I looked back, saw myself trying to raise two beautiful daughters alone, that I realized how much I needed him. His strength, his compassion. His loyalty. Jackson was my one true love.”

Blossom was running her thumb up and down her coffee cup. Behind her, Zena had picked up a few chords, was strumming out a pattern.

Gus and Maggy entwined fingers.

Vi giggled as Riley declared war on her hand of cards.

“The problem is, you’re fine with people needing you. That fills you right up. But needing them . . . you’re too much like me. I’m sorry about that.”

Willow looked up at her. “I need people.”

“But you don’t expect them to show up, to save you. To love you. That’s probably my fault. You’ve been on your own since your daddy and I broke your heart. It only got worse when he joined the military full-time. You should know, he was hurting pretty badly, but for four years you didn’t see him and I know you were devastated.”

Willow blinked back a sudden, terrible heat in her eyes.

“And then, for a while, you let Sierra in to fill those hollow places. You needed her to take care of you, bring you to school. Until, of course, she left you too.”

“She just moved to Mercy Falls—”

“She left you, Willow. Yes, she needed to build her own life, but again, you were abandoned by someone you needed.”

“I had you, Mom.”

Blossom gave her a tight smile. Shook her head. “Arank was more of a parent to you than I was. I know that. I came here to find myself, and I know I left you out of the equation. I am sorry for that.”

Willow looked away, swiped her hand across her cheek.

“You learned that needing people only left you hurt and alone. Until this weekend, when Sam stepped into your life. He’s strong and handsome and he’s been rescuing you for two days.” Blossom raised an eyebrow. “You were forced to need him. And it’s scaring the wits out of you.” She leaned forward. “Willow, be honest here. You know, deep in your heart, that Sierra and Sam aren’t destined for each other. But it’s an easy out. Much easier than giving him your heart, only to risk him abandoning it.”

Willow looked away, her eyes burning.

She touched Willow’s hand. “I love so many things about you, but the one thing I wish I had was your undaunted focus on loving others. It’s not cluttered with agenda or envy or even resentment. Your love heals people. It makes them stronger, fills them with light. But you might consider letting down your guard and taking a risk on love yourself. Isn’t that what you Christians call grace—letting God love you and letting that love change you?”