Rescue Me(60)
Preventing myself from getting noticed, I put off the craving I have to just walk up and touch Erin. There isn’t one part of me that isn’t filled with desire for her. I could stand here all damn day watching how she effortlessly flows around the kitchen. Her blonde hair is pulled over to the side in a braid, exposing her long, gracious neck. Her outside beauty is what first attracted me to her, but nothing compares to the beauty on the inside of this woman.
I can’t help but clench my fists when I see that dirt bag’s handprints there. How he could do this to a woman who has a heart as pure as she does? She deserves to have the ground she walks on worshipped. These thoughts are just fueling my anger. The only way I am going to get rid of some of this frustration is by working out, so I turn back around and go change into a pair of shorts. Once I’m downstairs, I put on my shoes and boxing gloves and attack the punching bag. The only thing I wish is that it was Joel’s face that I was beating the shit out of instead of this fucking bag.
“Easy there, tiger. You’re making me a little nervous,” Erin calls out from behind me. My mind is willing my body to stop but it just won’t. I punch even harder.
“Oh my God, Adam. Stop! What’s gotten into you?”
“FUCK!” I roar.
I see her flinch, and the pain and sorrow written all over her face makes me want to hang my head in shame that she is seeing me like this.
“Damn it, I am so sorry. Come here, please,” I ask gently as I toss my gloves onto the floor.
“No. Not until you tell me what’s going on.”
Disappointed in myself, I run my hands up and down my sweaty face and then through my hair.
“I want to tear that sick fuck to shreds for what he has done to you, and I got a little carried away thinking about it and lost my focus. I’m sorry if I scared you, now please come here because I just need to hold you right now.”
“I’m sorry you’re feeling this way,” she says compassionately. “You’re suffering, too, and I should have thought about that.”
“Erin, you’re too far away. Please, come here,” I practically beg.
She finally does, and when my arms circle her waist and I have her in my arms, I sigh with relief. Yes, I have been trying to be strong for the woman who has my heart, but deep down a part of me is screaming because I still feel as if our lives are about to be shattered apart and I have no fucking idea what to do about it.
“Don’t apologize to me, Erin.” I bend down and pick up my gloves and place them on the weight bench. “This is not your fault, and we know it. I’m just sorry you had to see me this way.”
“Adam, the same thing you told me goes for you, too. If you’re hurting, I want to know about it. No, I have a right to know about it. Don’t shut those kinds of feelings out. I need to be here for you just as much as you need to be here for me,” she pleads.
“You have so much strength. I admire you for that, my tough girl.”
“Yeah? Well don’t be so sure about that.”
“Oh I’m sure, all right.” I sweep a hand down the side of her face. “You know how I’m sure?” I ask as I look into her eyes.
“I would love to know how you’re so sure, Adam Payne,” she says as she drapes her arms around my neck.
I bring my mouth to within an inch of hers. “Because the little bit of strength I have, I am drawing from you.”
I see her lips start to tremble at my words and I can’t have that, so I lean into that last inch. When my mouth touches hers, neither of us says anything else until minutes later when we are interrupted by the sound of the best word I have ever been called in my life.
“Daddy?”
Chapter Twenty
Erin
Today was a good day, sitting around with my sister and my friends watching movies and crying. It was just what I needed. We laughed and talked and not one of them brought up anything about what happened except to ask me how I was feeling. A part of me feels guilty for just sitting around all day doing nothing because that just isn’t me, but having this day with family and friends felt normal. I couldn’t tell you the last time I had a normal day.
Seeing Jen and Bubba’s daughter Zoe and how good she is makes me want to have another child of my own. As I sat there holding her, my thoughts drifted away from the movie and wondered what it would be like to be carrying a baby that Adam and I made out of love. I don’t know if he even wants children at all. I know he feels as if Sierra is his own, and if the day ever came when we did have one together, he would never treat her any differently than his own flesh and blood. I ended my daydreaming with a happy sigh because for the first time in a very long time I am truly happy. Whatever life throws my way there is no doubt in my mind that Adam will be by my side.