Rescue Me(17)
Even though her eyes are red and swollen and her cheeks are streaked black with mascara, she is still the most exquisite woman I have ever seen. It breaks me to not be able to battle the demons of her past or whatever it is that made her take twenty steps backward.
************
It feels like I’ve drunk twenty damn cups of coffee this morning as I beat the ever-loving shit out of my punching bag. I’m going on very little sleep. After I placed the blanket over Erin last night, I just couldn’t get myself to walk away. I sat in the chair in her room and watched over her like a stalker. I know she feels something for me and I will be damned if I will give up on her.
Even if nothing happens between the two of us, I care too much about her to keep letting her beat herself up like this. So as I stand here pounding away at my bag until my arms start to burn, I try to think of a way to make her understand. I can’t help but bellow my frustration out as loud as I can because whatever the fuck I am doing to try and convince this woman that she has everything I need is FUCKING NOT WORKING!
As I lift my leg up to take one final kick, out of the corner of my eye I catch Erin standing at the bottom of the stairs.
“Adam.”
Aww hell, her voice sounds like she could start crying any minute. I deliver my last kick and then spin and face her. I mentally punch myself upside the head to try and knock some sense into myself when I look at her. She is wearing those damn tight running pants and a tank top. Focus on her face, Adam, and listen to what she has to say!
“Good morning, Erin.” I stride over to stand in front of her. She looks down at the floor and then back up to me. Even though I’m covered in sweat, when I see the hurt in her eyes and the pain written all over her face, all I want to do is bring her into my arms and take it all away.
“First of all, I want to apologize for my behavior, Adam. You did nothing wrong, and I am so sorry for ruining our perfect evening.” She pauses. “I owe you more than an apology. I owe you an explanation and…and oh, God. This is so hard.”
She takes a step back and sits down on the bottom step of the stairs. I sit down next to her and we both stay silent for a few minutes. I don’t know what it is she wants to say to me, but I have to do whatever it takes to make her understand I am here for her.
“I don’t want to push you into anything you are not ready for, Erin. I want you to understand that before you say anything more.”
She takes a deep breath. “Okay.” she whispers. “The thing is, I am ready. I am so ready to take this next step with you. But I do owe you an explanation, so I just need you to sit here and listen to what I have to say before you say anything, because trust me, Adam...this is harder for me to say than it’s going to be for you to hear.”
Simply nodding my response, I sit there and listen to a story that makes me want to tear apart her ex-husband and fucking kill him.
“One night Joel and I were driving in the car and we started arguing. I don’t even remember what it was about anymore. Joel was driving and the next thing I knew he backhanded me so hard across the face that my head hit the window.”
What. The. Fucking. Hell? In an instant I clench my fist and want to beat that asshole’s face in.
“You see,” she says softly, “I had a flashback last night when you lifted your hand to get something out of the back seat. All I saw was Joel’s hand coming at me.”
I snap my head up and look right at her. “Erin, I would never do anything to hurt you like that. You know that, right?”
“Of course I know that, Adam. It’s not about me being scared of you, because I’m not. It’s because of you that I want to be a better person. It’s because of you that I want to fight to be a stronger person. Everything you did for me last night was perfect. It’s just. I don’t even know how to explain myself or why I freaked out on you like I did. I just don’t want you to give up on me.”
I am on my feet and kneeling before her before I can even think. Cupping her face, the words spill out of my mouth like a freight train.
“I’m so sorry that you had to go through any of that. You didn’t deserve an asshole like that and he definitely didn’t deserve you. But I want you to know that I will be here for you always. These protective walls you have around your heart? I am going to be the one to break them down. And baby, when I do that, the life you are destined to live is going to be one of trust, and filled with so much passion. You are worth the risk, and as long as you still want to take that risk with me then I am staying right here. If you fall one hundred times then I want to be the one to pick you back up until you never fall again.”