[Republic Commando] - 03(175)

“It has, sir.”

“And you, General Jusik … I apologize for dragging you back from Dorumaa, but I’ve been concerned about you.”

“I’m fine, sir.”

“And I have no idea where you were for the last few weeks, but I doubt it was all spent on Dorumaa, no matter how loyal Delta are in covering for you.”

Jusik didn’t answer, but it wasn’t a guilty silence. Zey looked from Jusik to Etain and back again, as if looking for a break in the wall of conspiracy, and obviously didn’t find one. He defaulted to crashing through the wall in typical Zey style.

“I want you both to listen carefully. We are very thinly stretched, and if I had Jedi to spare, I would have pulled both of you out of active service by now. You’re both competent, and I don’t doubt your good intentions, but you’re coming off the rails, both of you.” He paused. It was the I’ll-let-this-sink-in pause, and for some reason it made Etain bristle. “Now, I understand your comradeship with Skirata. He’s an excellent soldier, but you are Jedi, and we’re fast approaching the point where I can cut you no more slack. Get back on the chart. Start following a few procedures. Skirata is not your role model. He’s a Mandalorian.”

“Yes sir,” Etain said.

Zey didn’t get a word out of Jusik. “General? Does that make sense to you?”

“I think we disagree on definitions, sir,” Jusik said carefully. “Like Jedi.”

“Which is?”

“I’m being a Jedi, sir. It’s something you live in every interaction you have with each living thing, not a philosophy you discuss in abstract terms. And I’m not sure that the kind of Jedi the Council wants us to be is good enough.”

“Well, you wouldn’t be the first Jedi Knight or Padawan to be rebellious. It’s normal. I did it at your age.”

“Then why aren’t you doing it now, sir?”

“And what would I rebel against? The war?”

“It’s a good place to start.”

“Jusik, I’m not blind to the concessions we have to make, but I have to answer to the Council and to the Senate, so I don’t have the luxury of waging little crusades on the margins.”

“But that’s we’re supposed to do, sir-make a difference as individuals. I’m sorry, but a Jedi’s primary duty isn’t to keep a government in power. It’s to help, to heal, to bring peace, to defend the vulnerable-and when those are just slogans we throw around, and not how we treat individuals, it’s worse than meaningless.” Jusik didn’t seem to have bro-ken a sweat, and he left an impression of a sorrowful calm in the Force. Etain could feel a growing strength emanating from him like a lodestone. “So …” He paused and swallowed. “So I’m requesting a transfer, sir. I want to resign my commission and serve as a combat medic.”

Zey’s shock was palpable. His expression softened, and whatever dressing-down he was getting ready to unload on Jusik seemed to have evaporated. Etain hadn’t been expecting this, either. This was a stranger sitting next to her: but the Jusik she had always known was in there somewhere.

“I’m not sure there’s a mechanism for that, Jusik,” Zey said at last.

“Okay.” Jusik nodded a few times, looking down into his lap for a moment. “I’ve given a lot of thought to the consequences of not leading my men in the field, and whether I’m making their situation worse by doing this, but I can’t live with it any longer. We sanction the use of a slave army. It’s against every single principle of our belief, and it’s a stain on us, and we will pay the price of our hypocrisy one day. This is wrong. Therefore I have to leave the Jedi Order.”

And I’ve just left my baby in the care of others because I want to stay.

Etain was in turmoil. She felt as strongly as Jusik did, but she couldn’t bring herself to leave now. Suddenly she couldn’t see the roots of her own motives; all the certainty she’d built so carefully-precious certainty, the thing she’d craved from the earliest days when she felt so unsure of her ability to be a good Jedi-crumbled, and she felt both a coward for not standing up like Jusik did, and yet unable to walk away from her troops. “You’re sure about that,” Zey said. It wasn’t a question.

“I am, sir.”

“Then may the Force be with you, Bardan Jusik. And I regret losing you. What will you do now?”

Jusik looked as if a massive burden had been lifted from him. He also looked scared for the first time.

“We always think the choices open to a Force-user are light side or dark side, Jedi or Sith, but I believe there are an infinite number of choices beyond those, and I’m going to make one.” He stood up and bowed his head politely. “May I keep my lightsaber, sir?”