Reparation(43)

“How are you!?” he exclaimed, bustling up to their table. She had barely stood up when he wrapped her in a hug.

“Good! God, it feels like forever!” she laughed, hugging him back. He finally pulled away and held her at arms length.

“You looking amazing,” he breathed, letting his eyes travel down her form.

“I guess you haven't seen me in a while,” she commented, looking down at herself. The shirt she was wearing showed more bra than shirt at the top, and her leggings had a geometric pattern sweeping all across them.

“You look more like you, like the girl I met in the bar,” he replied. She burst out laughing.

“Oh god.”

“No, it's nice. You look like you feel comfortable in your own skin again,” he explained, sliding into a chair. She sat down as well.

“Well, I'm still not that girl, just so you know. There will be no free-fucks in the back of bars this week,” she warned him.

“Jesus, your mouth is amazing.”

Huh, Jameson always says the same thing.

“So what's up? How've you been? How is Arizona?” Tate asked, pulling out a menu.

“Hot. I'm not a big fan. You ever gonna come visit me?” he asked, looking over a menu as well. She winced.

“I don't know. Things are complicated right now, I don't think flying across the country to stay with another man is gonna help anything,” she pointed out. He smiled at her.

“You really like him, don't you?” he asked. She frowned.

“Does that make me a horrible person? I really worry about that, that I shouldn't be allowed to like him, after everything he did,” she said quickly. Nick shrugged.

“No. You can't help it. What makes you a horrible person is not liking me,” he teased. She groaned.

“Don't remind me – I tell myself that every day,” she assured him.

“Maybe if you slept with me again, I could help you forget him?” he suggested, in a halfway joking tone.

Yeah, right. There aren't enough men in the world to fuck Jameson Kane out of my memory.

“You know what, if he fucks me over again, I will definitely take you up on that offer,” she joked.

“So that's it, huh. You're going to stay with him? Try to be with him?” he asked. She sighed.

“I don't think I have much of a choice. I can't ..., get away. My brain. He owns it,” she replied.

“But what about your heart?”

“My heart ....,” she paused for a while, staring off into space. “I think he's had that since I was eighteen.”

“Well, shit. I don't stand a chance,” Nick tried to joke, to lighten the mood. She reached out and grabbed his hand.

“If I could choose anyone else, trust me, it would be you,” she said softly. He nodded.

“Sure, sure. Whatever. C'mon, help me drown my sorrows in sake.”

Nick drank sake, Tate drank water. It was one thing to get tipsy with Sanders and cry in front of Jameson. She wasn't about to do any of that with Nick, and after his second bottle was done, she distracted him from ordering another.

They walked around for a while after that, catching up. She had always had an easiness with him that kind of surprised her. She had used him for sex. Good sex, but that had been it, a one night stand. Something to piss off Jameson. She had never expected to get a friend out of the deal. She looped her arm through his, leaned against him while they walked.

“You're happy?” he sighed as they made their way towards his building. His condo actually wasn't too far from Jameson's. Scary.

“Sometimes,” she joked.

“I think I could make you happy all the time,” he replied in a soft voice. She let go of his arm.

“Nick, someday, you are going to make some woman so happy, she won't know what to do with herself,” she warned him.

“I hope she knows what to do with me.”

“She will.”

“I wanted her to be you.”

She smiled sadly at him, standing outside the front doors.

“I wish I was her,” she replied, straightening out his jacket.

“You still could be,” he whispered. She glanced up at him.

“I don't think I ever could,” she laughed, trying to lighten the mood. His arm snaked around the waist.

“Sometimes, I think you were meant to be,” he challenged. She put her hands against his chest, pushing away.

“Nick. I appreciate everything you've done for me. You were there for me in a way no one else was, after the hospital. I don't think I can ever repay that, but I can't be ..., I just can't,” she breathed.

She didn't want to break his heart. She never wanted to hurt anyone, that's why she was always so upfront and honest. The night they had slept together, she had bluntly told him she didn't plan on ever seeing him again. After the hospital, she had told him she wouldn't sleep with him again. She didn't know how else she could put it.