Renegade Lady (Renegade Sons MC 1)(80)

“I’m telling you I finally know everything, and I’m gonna deal with it from this point on.  All you need to do is step back and let me take care of this shit for you.  I’m your man. It’s my job to protect you.”
No!  I don’t want Kidd involved in this.  I don’t want anyone to deal with Timmons.  That man is evil, and I refuse to allow him around the people I care about. “You don’t get it.  Chipper might have told you what he knows, but you still don’t know shit about my past.”  
He steps back and stalks around the bed.  “And whose fucking fault is that?  I've known you since you were sixteen years old, and not once in those years have you let me in. I've tried to get you to open up to me, but every time I crack the door open to Jenna’s world, you slam it right back in my face.  Shit, Ice.  What the hell can I do to get you to let me in?”
He reaches out and places his hands on my face and gently rubs my tears away with his thumb, tears that I didn’t even realize had started to flow.  “I know I screwed up before.  I should've been by your side since the day you turned eighteen, but I was angry with myself.  I was too angry to see the pain I was causing you, but I got my shit together.  I’m here for you now, and I’ll never let anything hurt you again.”
His words crash straight through the layer of ice that I’ve been living in, and the words come tumbling out. “My father’s name is Peter David Brewster.  You know him as Brew.”
“Brew’s your dad?” His words come out in a shocked whisper. If he thinks that’s all that I’ve been holding inside of my head all of these years, then he’s fixing to be rudely awakened. Now that the ice wall has been broken, nothing will stay inside.
“I grew up in trailer park a few miles out of Mateland, Missouri.   It was just my mom and me most of the time.   Dad would show up every now again, mostly when he needed somewhere to lay low for a while.”  I wrap my arms around myself, trying to fight off the chill that my memories always bring.  “I swear my mom lived for the times Dad was there.  It's like her life was put on hold when he wasn't around.   She barely even noticed me.  Sometimes, I think she forgot she even had a daughter. To her, I was just part of the scenery.”
I look up and see the confusion on Kidd’s face, but I don’t stop. “Every time he came home, she'd work her ass off to make him want to stay.   The house would be so clean, it would shine.  She’d make these amazing dinners, stuff we couldn't afford.  She’d make prime rib and all this other shit that cost out the ass, even knowing me and her would probably go hungry until the next round of food stamps came in.  She'd dress up, do her make-up and hair, just to get his attention, and she'd get it, but only for a day or two.   It didn't matter what she did, nothing was taking Dad away from the club.   A wife and a kid was nothing compared to the freedom he got from being with his brothers.”
“Baby girl,” Kidd breathes out, still catching my tears with his thumb.     
“When I was little, I'd listen to Dad talk about the Renegade Sons. Shit, I'd even dream of someday being a part of it. I wanted to be someone’s old lady, wear their brand. I wanted it all.”  I step back and walk towards the window. “That was until I figured out why he loved the club so much.   It wasn't the brotherhood that kept him at the club house so much.  No, it was all the easy pussy.  My dad was addicted to that shit.”
I see Kidd walking towards me, and make a bee line for other side of the room.  I know I can’t stand him touching me right now.  “Half the club didn't even know that dad had an old lady, and less than that knew about me. Dad had a different girl on the back of his bike every damn day.  It killed my mom, and I grew up watching her slowly fade away to nothing.  The pain of knowing he was out there with other women, night after night, literally killed her.  It wasn't the damn pills that took her away. It was him.  It was his betrayal.”  
“What pills?  What are you talking about?”
“When I was sixteen, I came home from school to find my mother had OD’d on the kitchen floor.” I close my eyes to hide my pain from him.  “She left a note to Dad, but she never even mentioned me in it.  Not one ‘I love our daughter’ or ‘take care of Jenna.’ Nothing. All she said was how much she loved him and how she couldn’t live knowing he was with all those other woman.”