Renegade Lady (Renegade Sons MC 1)(49)

“I’m not ready, brother.  I’m just not ready to take on an old lady yet,” I say the words, even though they’re not entirely true.  I would take Jenna in a heartbeat. It’s just easier to lie than to admit that the one woman I want to spend the rest of my life with doesn’t want shit to do with me, even though I know it’s all  my fault.  
“Kidd, you’ve been ready since the day you laid eyes on her.  You’re just too fucking afraid.” He looks at me.  “Jenna is not Sarah, man.  She’s not gonna turn into a raving bitch.  She’s strong as hell. She won’t break under the pressure of being the Pres’ old lady. She’ll be good for you and good for the club.  She’ll be by your side every step of the way.”
I hate to even hear Sarah’s name.  The guilt from her death is finally starting to fade, but the guilt for the things I said after she died is still fresh in my mind.  “That ain’t what this is about.”
“You can’t lie to me, man.  I know what happened after Sarah died. It damn near tore your ass to pieces, but Jenna needs you by her side.  She’s been part of this club for years.  She’s had control of the girls for nearly six.  She can handle being your old lady.  You’ll just have to give her a little time to get used to it.”
His words bring back memories of Sarah begging me to claim her as mine, but I couldn’t do it.  Everyone knew Sarah was just there to keep my bitch seat warm until Jenna got old enough to take her place; everyone but Jenna that is.  “Things change when a bitch becomes an old lady.  Ice is used to making her own calls.  Once I claim her, she won’t have the freedom she does now.  It could break her.”
I keep trying to make excuses, hoping to shut him up, before my mind starts imagining Jenna being mine.  
He chuckles.  “Ain’t shit that could break Jenna, and you know it.  My girl is hard as nails.  Ain’t never met anyone like her. Strongest person I know.”
I have to nod at that, because he’s right.  No one here has been through what Jenna has.  Losing her mother, being raped, then losing the woman that was the mother of her heart. Most people would have given up a long time ago if they had to put up with half the shit she has.  I finally blow out a frustrated breath then stand up.  “Fine, I’ll talk to her.”
I don’t wait for him to respond before walking out of my office.  I head straight to club bar.  Jenna’s sitting on a stool, talking to the prospect tending bar.  Her head is tilted, and her long midnight black hair is covering her face from view.  She has her hands wrapped around a fifth of Jack.  It only takes a glance to see that she’s fucked up.  “Yo, Ice.”
Her bloodshot, coffee colored eyes narrow as she jerks her head towards me. The fast movement nearly causes her to lose her seat.  “Yeah.  What the hell do you want?”
My brows go up at her bitchy tone.  I should be used to it by now. She’ been given me the same shit for years.  None of the other girls would even consider talking to me like that. Only she has balls big enough to go head to head with a member, especially me. “Just saying hi, baby girl’.”
“Yeah, which is something we don’t do. We don’t talk, remember?  Like I said, what the hell do you want?”  She says, turning back to her whiskey and chugging it back. “Say what you gotta say, then leave me the fuck alone.”#p#分页标题#e#
Looking at her sends fear through me.  Chipper’s right; she’s killing herself.   There’re dark circles under each of her beautiful eyes.  Her cheek bones are sharp, proving that she hasn’t been eating.  Even the hair I love so much has lost its shine.  No matter what, no matter how pissed off she’s gets-- it’s time I step in.
“I’ve decided that I’ve left you alone long enough.  I’ll be telling you all about that soon, but right now I wanted to tell you that you’re done with the whiskey,” I say firmly, grabbing the bottle from the bar.
“What the fuck?” She screams, trying to take the bottle from my hand.  
“I don’t want you drinking all the fuckin’ time.”
“I don’t give a fuck what you want.  You can’t tell me what to do.”
I step closer to her. “That’s where you’re wrong. You’re mine now, and you can’t do shit without my permission.”
“I’m not yours!” she yells, her voice full of panic.