“I could use something to drink,” she said.
“Trigger has a few bottles. His room is upstairs. I could grab something. What’s your poison?”
Her lust-filled eyes traveled up my naked torso and locked on to mine before glancing to my mouth as she took a step closer to me, her fingers touching the bracelet Katie had made me. Poison. That’s exactly what I was to a girl like her, like Katie, the first and last girl that I had kissed. It was a move I couldn’t counter. I had to walk away. I didn’t want to use Ella like all the other women in my life.
“I should go.” My voice trailed off as I rubbed my palm across my jaw and turned away from her so I wouldn’t be tempted to act on my impulses. “Before he falls asleep.” My tone was harsher than I intended, but Phantom’s concerns replayed in my head. He wasn’t worried for me. He was worried about Ella, and I should be too. As strong as she pretended she was, she had no sense of self-preservation. Her pride clouded her judgment, much like in the alleyway. She would have died fighting that prick before she screamed for help. I dug through my bag for a T-shirt as I talked myself into walking away.
“I don’t want alcohol.” Ella put her hand on my shoulder, and I turned around to face her. Her eyebrows were drawn together in rejection. I wanted so desperately to kiss away the worries that marred her perfect face. I wanted to slip into the fantasy of the past that haunted me, but I knew it was something I’d never recover from.
“I know what you want. I can’t give it to you.” I walked around her and out the door before she could respond. The night air was muggy as I sank down into a crouching position with my hands together. She wasn’t Katie. I needed to get that through my head so it is easier to walk away when we left town. What happened to her after that wasn’t my problem. I wasn’t going to be able to protect her, and she didn’t want me to. Worrying myself over that wasn’t doing me any favors. Fucking her would be a big mistake, even if it was all I wanted to do.
The door opened behind me, and Ella slipped out. Dressed in her own clothing, her arms were around herself as she stepped off the curb and began walking across the parking lot. She was leaving, like I’d hoped, and it set my mind into a panic.
“Where are you going?” I called after her, but she kept walking. “Ella?” I stood as she made her way through the rows of cars, desperately trying to talk myself out of following her. “Fuck.” I walked after her, the gravel biting into the soles of my feet.
I had to jog to catch up with her before she reached the road. Grabbing her arm, I stopped her and turned her to face me. Her voice was strained as she began to ramble.
“I made a mistake coming here. I’m sorry I screwed up your night. I appreciate your help, but I’m not your problem. Just let me go before I humiliate myself any further.” She tugged against my grip, but I tightened it so she wouldn’t leave.
“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. That wasn’t my intention.” My eyes searched hers before I took a deep breath, sinking deeper into the lies that now clouded my reality. “I’ve been through a lot. I’ve…done a lot of things that I’m not proud of.”
“We all have regrets.”
“I don’t regret anything.” I shook my head, the muscles in my jaw flexing as I clenched my teeth. “I’m not your fucking hero, Ella. I’m no better than that asshole who attacked you,” I snapped, hating the animal I had become. Doing the right thing wasn’t something I was accustomed to. I was trying desperately not to slip back into the past, but I only had so much strength. I was far weaker than I let on.
“Maybe I don’t want you to be my hero.” Her words were challenging, and her eyes narrowed as she brushed her long hair from her face angrily. My dick responded to the subtle gesture. I’d wanted to run my fingers through her hair all night. I fought the urge to slam her up against one of these cars and show her exactly what she was asking from me. “Did you ever think of that? Maybe I just wanted to forget everything for five goddamn minutes. But you’ve reminded me of exactly who I am.”
I was using what happened earlier as an excuse when the real problem was me. It wasn’t fair and damn sure wasn’t what I wanted. I closed the small gap between us, my bare chest pressed against hers. I towered over her, but she straightened her back and stood tall. My free hand ghosted over her cheek, sliding into her soft hair before gripping it tightly and tugging her head back, forcing her to look up at me.
“Five minutes?” I said. “I’m insulted.”