I laughed. “My room is the only time I get to be alone.”
“Oh,” she mumbled as she looked around the space again. I knew she must have been thinking about the after party. As much as she pretended she wasn’t attracted to me, I could tell she was, just like I was pulled to her.
“Are you going to be okay?” I slid the card into my back pocket as she sank down on the edge of the double bed. An awkwardness settled between us, as the fact that I was heading to that very place now sank in.
“Yeah. I’ll be fine.” She gave me a small smile, and I nodded, not sure what else to say.
“If you need anything”—I grabbed the hotel pen from the side table and jotted down my cell-phone number on the stationery—“you can call. These things can run kinda late, but I’ll be back before dawn. I’ll check on you.” I handed her the paper, and she folded it in half, sliding it into the back pocket of her jeans as I walked toward the door.
“I enjoyed your show.”
“Thanks. The crowd seemed to like our loud noise and mindless screaming,” I joked as I pulled the door open to leave.
“You’re really good, Ryder.”
“What?” I turned back to face Ella as she ran her fingers through the tangles in her hair. I hadn’t been called Ryder for years, not after I finally left this place.
“You’re a really good writer. Those lyrics you sang felt so…personal. Maybe rock music isn’t so bad.” She smiled, dimples settling in her cheeks, oblivious that what I thought I heard had twisted my stomach.
I nodded as I looked her over, but my head was swimming. “Maybe you will get to see us perform again some other time.” She wouldn’t. Phantom was right.
“That’d be nice.”
I pulled the door closed behind me and breathed in the night air, my chest feeling constricted.
I didn’t remember the ride back to the bar as I struggled against the demons inside my head, pulling me under, watching me slip back into the darkness I used to surround myself in.
* *
I could hear them whispering around me, pointing and snickering about what I had done to Bryce.
“I heard he tried to kill him, and Coach had to beat his ass on their front lawn,” David from third period algebra whispered from behind me in class. He was another worthless jock and close friend of Bryce.
“He doesn’t look like he got his ass beat,” Erin replied as he laughed. “But my dad said when they arrested Ryder, Mr. Thomas was at his house. He’s screwing Ryder’s mom! No wonder they let him come back to school.”
“He was covered in Bryce’s blood! He was just trying to protect his sister. Ryder attacked her for no reason.”
I glanced down at the steering wheel to my cut and bruised knuckles, flexing my grip as I cracked my neck. I needed to quiet the voices, but with Ella everything was bubbling to the surface.
“I bet when he’s a serial killer, they’ll call him Red Ryder.” Erin’s laugh nearly sent me over the edge, but I had to stay out of trouble.
I didn’t care if they thought I was crazy as long as I got to see Katie, but the day was nearly over, and I hadn’t crossed her path once. I was beginning to worry that on top of her schedule change, she really was avoiding me. I couldn’t stop the nagging voice inside my head from telling me I’d lost her, that I wouldn’t be able to keep her safe. After I’d sneaked out to meet her, my mother took my phone and any means of communication. I knew she felt like she was helping me, but it just made me feel even more alone. School was my only chance of seeing Katie. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have even shown up today. I tapped my pencil against my desk as my leg moved with the unspent energy that was building inside of me. Three long days since I met her in the woods. Three days since I was able to hold her in my arms and promise her I’d protect her. Three days since she ripped my heart from my chest and left me alone, broken and bleeding.
“Maybe he killed his dad.” David’s voice pierced my thoughts, and without thinking I shoved my desk, sending it toppling on its side as I stood. Still-healing wounds on my knuckles split as my fist connected with his temple, sending him falling from his chair. His head bounced on the old tile floor with a sickening thud.
“Maybe I should kill you.” I swung again, leaning over his chair as he lay curled in a fetal position on the floor. My fist struck his arm as he covered his face.
“Ryder!” Mr. Jones yelled over the crowd of screaming girls and a handful of guys who called for David to beat my ass. The teacher’s arms banded around my chest from behind, and I didn’t struggle as I tried to calm my rapid breathing. My eyes danced over my fellow classmates, wide-eyed and in shock from my outburst. It was one thing to hear the rumors of what they thought I had done, but to see me react so violently only solidified my craziness in their minds.