Bitter sympathy was all she offered me,
Warm and tempting, her glass half empty,
She poured herself out, judgment under cloud,
I drank her all in, my secret sin
Pain fades fast when I got my whiskey glass.
From the back passenger side, Trigger reached forward and bumped my shoulder with a bottle of water.
“Hydrate. Stay alert, stay alive,” he mumbled. I took the bottle with a nod and drank two-thirds of the contents before taking a deep breath. The chilled water alleviated the pressure in my throat. I tossed the container on the passenger floor, and Hangman smacked my arm with the back of his hand and laughed. The tension eased in my chest as I slowly pushed my memories to the dark corner of my mind to ignore for another day. Of all of us, Hangman was the only one with both feet on the ground—ironic, considering how he had come to earn his name. Drug-induced psychosis was enough to leave anyone hanging from a thread, or an extension cord, in his case.
We all had our demons. Some were flesh and bone, others chemical, but they tortured each of us just the same. Life wasn’t about living to the fullest. For some, for us, it was about surviving. No one gave a fuck about the events that brought us together. They only wanted to be entertained, but music for us was an escape. It was the blood that oozed from the wound. Same struggle, different demons.
I clicked Next on the CD player, and a slower ballad began to play, one I wrote when I was fifteen. Katie’s parents were extremely strict, and it was no secret that I wasn’t what anyone would want for their daughter. Even I knew I was wrong for her, but I couldn’t keep myself away, and she refused to give up on me.
Does the mirror lie, as you hold my hand?
Or do my secrets hide, conceal the man?
Because I can’t give you what you need.
My hands are dirty, baby, you’re so clean.
Falling for the wrong was your mistake.
Giving me your heart for me to break.
I listened to myself playing the acoustic guitar on the CD, and Hangman tapped his fingers on his leg. Drumming to him was as vital as his heartbeat.
* *
“It’s kind of depressing.” Katie scrunched her nose as she read the notebook page over my shoulder.
“Life is depressing.” I covered the page with a sigh. “I wrote that one last year anyway.”
“Oh come on. Things aren’t that bad. Pretty soon Mr. Thomas won’t be breathing down your neck anymore and reporting your every move back to your mom,” she said with a laugh.
“Yeah, I’m so glad they’re transferring him. It’s hard to have any fun with your stepdad around.”
“I know that feeling.” Her expression fell, and I dropped my pen to pull her across my lap.
“What’s up with that guy? You act like he’s the devil or something. I thought everyone loved Coach.”
She shrugged as she snuggled in against my chest and traced the lettering of my T-shirt. “He’s just a jerk. He’s always following me around and yelling at me. Of course, he thinks his son is never wrong. I can’t wait to get out of that freaking place.”
“Where do you think we should go after graduation?”
She lifted her head to look up at me, her cheeks burning red as she fought against a smile. “You’re planning on coming with me when I leave this town?”
“Of course. I’d follow you anywhere.” I placed my fingers under her chin and pressed my lips against hers. “Or you could follow me when I’m super famous. Someone is going to have to keep the girls away.” I shrugged.
She smacked me on the chest playfully and lay back against me. “No way. It’s you and me. No one else.”
“No one else.” Rubbing my hand over her knee, I pressed my cheek against the top of her head and closed my eyes. Katie had no idea how much she had helped me after my dad died. I owed her everything. If she asked me to leave this place today, I’d do it without a second thought.
“Pinky promise?” She raised her hand with her pinky finger extended.
“What?”
“Pinky promise me that it’s only us. Forever.” I wrapped my arms tightly around her and fell back on the grass, pulling her over on top of me.
“Why do you have to be such a girl?”
“I am a girl.” Giggling, she squirmed to get away from me as I tickled my fingers over her ribs.
“My girl.”
She pulled the notebook from between us, and I stretched my arm out to take it back, but she held it away as she tried to sit up.
“You better give that back,” I yelled, laughing as I tickled her, causing her to giggle as she flipped the book open.
“You’re always writing in this thing. I want to see what you say about me.” She flipped the book open, and I stopped tickling her as she began to read. My heart raced as she read my most intimate thoughts about her. There was hardly ever a time Katie wasn’t on my mind, and for reasons unknown, she enjoyed spending time with me. We never talked about what we had between us. Our relationship just evolved naturally, and neither of us labeled it. We just were us, and no one else came between us.