Relinquish(21)
I flinch. “How do you know about that?”
Zahra rolls her eyes as if it’s the most obvious answer on the planet. “Everyone knows, Illyria. He’s the easiest guy in the world to read and you’re… moodier than normal.”
“Gee. Thanks.” I step back and lean against the wall. “If this is meant to be a pep talk, it’s really starting to take a dive in the wrong direction.”
“I’m just saying you aren’t alone, okay.” I find Zahra’s mounting discomposure to be oddly comforting.
I swat at a fly buzzing through the room, wishing more than once today that I had something other than a shoe to swat at it. I nearly grabbed one of Aminah’s dusty books but thought better of it. She’d probably be hurt if she ever turned it over to find insect guts plastered to the cover.
“Thanks… I think.” If someone had told me this morning that I’d be having this heart-to-heart moment with Zahra, I would’ve told them where to shove their lies, but here it is, and I honestly don’t have any clue how to react.
Zahra clears her throat and winds her arm through mine, drawing me out into the hallway. I can’t help but notice how the two guards, who hardly look old enough to be shaving, straighten as she smiles at them. Oh, please!
Her heels clack against the polished floor as we pass by closed doors on either side of us. The rooms are vacant, per Kyan’s orders, and not just during my two-week imprisonment. Permanently. Aminah’s boyfriend Toren went to great lengths to remind Kyan of what I’m capable of when I’m high on emotions. I guess he thought giving Eamon and me some space to explore would be a good thing. That, of course, never happened.
The entire three-story building is all mine. When I first moved in, I would wander the empty halls at night. Aminah was worried about the effect this would have on me, but I was too lost to my own Bastien-induced fog that I found the stillness of the building comforting. Once I came out of that comma, I began to realize just how painfully alone I really was.
Kyan and Zahra took up residence in the Shard, one level below the command center, so Kyan could be found at a moment’s notice. Zahra was thrilled to literally be the focal point of the entire city. Aminah and Toren took up more humble accommodations in a newly renovated two-story brownstone several streets over. There has been talk of a wedding, but I don’t think anyone really needs an official announcement to declare their bond.
Eamon’s quarters are farther away, situated in the eastern quadrant of the city. He has been crucial in overseeing much of the repair work in that area and felt the need to be close by. What that translated into was that he needed space away from me.
“So what’s up?” I ask as we pass the tenth locked door. “I’ve been rotting away in that room for nearly two weeks now and Kyan suddenly decides I’m no longer grounded?”
Zahra’s eyes twinkle with mischief as she releases my arm and pushes open the steel door at the end of the long hallway. This building used to contain many one and two-bedroom apartments. Families lived here. Children no doubt took full use of the rusted heap of metal in the yard behind the building that once housed a swing set. The grass is overgrown now, nearly shielding the playground from sight. This empty lot isn’t exactly on the top of the repair list, but someday I hope it will be restored to its former glory.
As I raise my hand to shield my eyes from the brilliant sunlight, I can’t help but wonder if children will ever play here again. The kids we took care of in the caves have all been placed with couples around Thalar, adopted into loving families who weren’t able to start ones of their own because of the war. I see some of them from time to time, but not nearly as much as I would like to.
I never was very good with kids, but sometimes, in the darkest hours of the night, I miss hearing their whispers when they thought everyone else was asleep. There was something so wonderful about their innocence.
“Earth to Illyria.” Zahra breaks through my trance.
“Sorry.” I jog to catch up with her. She waits for me on the corner of my street, stray wisps of hair unsettled in the breeze.
It’s getting colder. Already I can feel the sun’s warmth radiating up from the concrete beneath my boots. I know that snow is on the air. Soon winter will unleash on us.
I’m suddenly gripped with a need to return to the forest and watch as the animals scurry about the trees in last-minute winter preparations. To see the flowers begin to wither and fade into the cracks between the rocks that dot the rugged landscape. Watch the geese take flight as they begin their migration south.