“I’ll never be too old for that,” Torch says, walking up behind Katie and wrapping his arms around her. He kisses the side of her neck and then settles in to look at Skull.
“You cut the club out of all of your decisions,” he says in all seriousness, looking at Skull. So much for listening to me. Katie elbows him.
“I said this wasn’t happening right now,” I growl, not caring if I do sound like a mama bear.
“The club had a traitor. I didn’t know who I could trust,” Skull answers, ignoring me. I sigh and sit back down in the chair by the bed realizing he’s not going to listen to anything I say. None of them are right now.
“How did you even know the club had a traitor?”
“It was the last thing Pistol told me,” Skull answers Torch, looking even more tired.
“And you trusted that fucker over any of us?” Briar asks.
“He wanted protection for his sister. He knew I was ending him. I was his last chance to save his sister.”
“So he gave you the info he had? Why didn’t he just tell you the traitor’s name?” Sabre asks.
“He died before he could.”
“Funny how the traitor turned out to be the one person you brought in instead of your brothers—who busted their asses to save you. Especially since you decided to go off half-cocked and face the assholes alone,” Briar says. I hold my head down and hope this blows over soon.
“Pistol was a member. I had no reason to think that there wasn’t another one of my brothers out there with a knife ready to do me in.”
“Pistol was a fucking problem you should have taken care of long ago,” Sabre says.
“Yeah, and some of you motherfuckers were fucking close to him. I had reasons for not going to you for everything and if I had it to do over again, I still would.”
“You mean me,” Briar growls.
“I figured you were the most likely, but I couldn’t be sure it wasn’t Shaft, Latch, or any of you guys.”
“Jesus Christ eating cheese biscuits, you’ve been fucked up about this that long?”
Skull doesn’t bother replying to Torch.
“You’re the club’s president. Kind of hard to be our leader if you think we want to kill you,” Sabre growls.
Skull closes his eyes and when he opens them, I see so much in his eyes that it physically hurts me. Anger, frustration, sadness… it’s all there. My man has been carrying a load heavier than I even knew.
“I don’t want to be.”
“Be what?” Torch asks, and I know he sees the pain in Skull’s eyes. He would, above all of them, because they are the closest.
“The fucking president,” answers Skull. “I don’t want the job. I’m tired. It’s cost me too fucking much.”
“Skull,” I gasp before I can stop myself.
“I’m serious, mi cielo. If I was just someone who walked up to you that day, none of this would have happened.”
“What a crock of shit! That’s the biggest load of bull I’ve ever heard in my life,” Torch says.
“He’s right. This has more to do with my family than it ever had to do with you,” I tell him.
“Possibly, but me being the president of Devil’s Blaze sure didn’t fucking help matters.”
“I get it. It’s hard carrying the weight of a president. Each decision is life or death for our brothers. It’s exhausting.” The words come from Tucker.
“You’re being stupid. This club is…”
“Draining,” says Beast, cutting in. “It’s hard to keep yourself breathing, let alone other men, because sometimes there’s nothing you can do to save anyone… least of all yourself.”
The room goes quiet, all eyes moving to the tall mountain who is so somber and quiet now that it’s hard to reconcile him with the laughing man I once knew. His beard and hair have grown until I’m not sure what is beneath them anymore.
“Brother,” Torch starts.
“I know exactly how he feels because every day I fight to keep from leaving the club and not looking back.”
“You want free?” asks Skull.
“I want to be alone. Maybe not forever, but then again, maybe so. I can’t sleep without remembering. I’m tired.”
“It’s my fault…”
“It’s not. I should have gotten rid of Jan ages ago. I could have taken my baby and kicked her out. It’s on my shoulders, not yours, boss.”
The room is thick with emotion. I war with myself, but in the end I push forward.
“I like being the president’s old lady.”
“You what?” Skull asks, shocked.