“Or lack of,” Katie mutters. “I tried to get her to spread her wings…”
“You mean her legs,” Louise mentions and Candy snorts.
“I was married…”
“The fuck you were. Besides, that didn’t stop him from getting some strange,” Katie gripes.
“Men are assholes,” Louise states.
“That they are, and they think with their dicks,” Sacks grumbles.
“Well, the first thing we’re going to do after we take care of business today is get you laid,” Sacks declares.
“I don’t want—”
“Bullshit. Your hormones have been on lockdown for so long, you don’t know what you want,” Candy says.
“I really can’t even think about being with another man. Skull is…”
“Is what?” Sacks asks.
“I don’t think any man could live up to him,” I tell them honestly.
“Fuck,” Sacks mutters.
“Damn,” Candy joins in.
“Was he that big? Wait, don’t tell me. If I know what size Skull’s cock is, having to see him every day would just be weird,” Katie realizes.
“How big’s his cock?” Sacks asks. “I don’t care if it’s weird.”
“Yeah, me too. C’mon, tell us how big Skull junior is.”
“Uh… I’m not sure Skull would want me talking about that,” I stutter. I’m new to having friends. Do women really talk about this stuff?
“I bet it hangs down his leg like a damn anaconda,” Candy mutters.
“Candy!” Katie growls. She’s looking at me and she knows I’m not comfortable with this conversation.
“What? A man like that walking around with the attitude he has, you just know he’s got the tools to back it up,” she reasons.
“It doesn’t matter because I’m not going there, ever again,” I announce, going back to looking out the window.
“Damn! I bet it was so big it scared you, right? I heard talk you were a teenager when you were with him. Jesus, were you, like, sixteen? That kind of shit can scar you if the man ain’t gentle,” Candy says.
“Skull don’t seem the gentle type,” Louise agrees.
“Fuck gentle. I’m more of a pull-my-hair-and-make-me-beg type,” Sacks says. “Briar knows exactly how I like it, or I probably wouldn’t put up with his ass.”
“You could always try women,” Louise offers.
“That’s not for me.”
“Never know it ‘til you try it,” she counters.
“I kissed a girl once. Did nothing for me,” I tell them, glad we’ve stopped talking about Skull’s dick.
“No way,” Katie says, and I could almost laugh at the stricken look on her face.
“All-girl school, remember?”
“Oh fuck.”
“Yeah, we’re going to get you laid after this, Beth,” Louise says and all the women are nodding their heads in agreement.
As we pull up to the lake and I look at all the women’s faces who are bravely serious… all I can think is, if I survive this, I might want to run away.
What the fuck was I thinking, kissing Beth? Now, I can do nothing but remember the feel of my tongue in her mouth, her taste, and the whispery soft feel of her breath against my skin. Christo! I thought I was haunted before; it’s clear that I was stupid. Now, all I can think about is kissing her and wanting more. I thought she could save me from the darkness, but becoming obsessed with her might be worse.
I forced myself to stay away from her last night. It wasn’t easy, but I knew if I saw her lying in bed, I’d fall on her like a man condemned to die enjoying his last meal on earth. Mierda!
I’m obsessed with her.
I need to think about shit, especially the latest shit storm dealt to me by Pistol. I need to plan. I’m not sure how to find the mole in my club without alerting him. Whatever I do, I need to be careful. First, I need to kill the Donahues. Getting rid of them will be two less threats hanging over my head, threats that I know for sure are there. They aren’t hiding in the shadows, so they come first.
If I was the man I used to be, I would talk things out with my closest brothers. That’s not an option for me right now. I’m pretty sure I’m just done. Being president of the Devil’s Blaze has cost me so much and I’m fucking tired of it. I’ve given my life and I have nothing to show for it. Nothing.
I’ll use the club to kill the Donahues and then… I’ll find the mole and exact my revenge personally. It could be stupid and it may be the fucking end of me, but then again, I’m tired of breathing anyways.