Release!:A Walker Brothers Novel (The Walker Brothers Book 1)(47)

“I don’t need to make a living. I’m a billionaire. You took Dad’s place, so what do you expect me to do?”

“You went to college, Sebastian. I expect you to grow up.” I was angry now, sick of him criticizing me for something that I had to do.

“Why? I’ll never measure up to your expectations. Why try?”

“I don’t have expectations. I’m not Dad.”

I looked at Dane, but he didn’t look ready to jump into the conversation. In fact, he looked perfectly happy to let me fight this out with Sebastian.

“Then quit acting like Dad,” Sebastian answered bitterly.

My anger started to boil. “I can never be him. I never could. I fucking tried, but I could never be quite as smooth. I could never be quite as wise, and I sure as hell will never run Walker as well as he did.”

“You do amazingly well, Trace,” Dane said encouragingly, finally deciding to enter the conversation. “You were young when you took over the company.”

“I took it over because I had to. I was the only one old enough to do it. I thought I was the only one who wanted to do it.” I glared at Sebastian. “If you wanted to take on that responsibility, why in the hell didn’t you say something?”

“Why didn’t you ask?” he threw back at me angrily.

I exploded. “Do you think I fucking wanted this? Do you think I wanted to step into Dad’s shoes after he died? I was only twenty-one years old, and I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I was stumbling in the dark, trying to finish school while I tried to do his job as the CEO of Walker. I. Wasn’t. Fucking. Ready.”

I didn’t think I’d ever say those words, much less to my brothers. But we were all grown up, and the time for distance between us had to end. We were all broken, and I wanted to see us back in one piece again.

“I’m not that much younger than you. I could have helped,” Sebastian broke the silence, his voice no longer angry.

“All I wanted was for you and Dane to have a chance to grieve, a chance to recover and lead a normal life.” I knew I was breathing hard, trying to get my emotions under control.

“Our life was never going to be normal again,” Dane answered gravely. “I guess we both thought you wanted your position as CEO and you wanted us out of the family business. I was relieved to tell you the truth. I didn’t want to be a businessman. It was never something I wanted.”

I knew that. I thought Sebastian wanted something else, too. I stared at my second oldest sibling thoughtfully as I asked, “And you? What did you want?”

“I wanted my brothers,” Sebastian answered hoarsely. “I wanted Dad back.”

“I wanted that, too. But so many people were depending on me that I knew I had to keep everything under control.”

“You thought you had to stay distant to keep yourself going?” Dane queried.

“Yes. I was on pretty shaky ground for a while, but I didn’t want anyone to know.” I’d been terrified, but I didn’t admit that. “I still miss Dad every single day,” I confessed.

“We all do,” Dane answered. “I think we just handle it differently. For a while, I felt guilty that I lived and he died.”

Sebastian and I both stared at Dane with astonished expressions. My baby brother had been through so damn much. It irked me that he was also dealing with guilt over being alive when our father was gone. “Don’t, Dane,” I requested.

My little brother held up a hand. “I got over that. But it took time. Unfortunately, I think Sebastian has some issues to settle.”

“I don’t—”

I interrupted Sebastian. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I never asked what either one of you wanted. I assumed too much. I was overwhelmed.”

“Not an issue for me,” Dane answered, staring directly at Sebastian. “Like I said, I was grateful you took over.”

Sebastian set his drink on the table and let out a large sigh. “I wasn’t grateful. I was jealous. I wanted to be able to be like you, Trace. I wanted to help you, I wanted to be grown up enough to help.”

“Don’t wish for that,” I grunted. “It sucked.”

For years, I’d closed off every emotion I had just to keep control. Eva had been the only one to break through my veneer of calm assurance to see me for exactly who I was. I’d never grieved for my father, and I’d never gotten over everything I’d lost.

“You’re right, Trace. I do need to grow up,” Sebastian admitted as he leaned back against the couch.

“What do you want to do when you grow up?” I asked jokingly.