“No. No, it doesn’t matter.”
“It will never take away what you had to endure, Eva. But it’s only fair that you don’t have to live with the crime on your record.”
“I’m free,” I mumbled in wonder. “I don’t have to worry about losing a job again over my criminal history.”
“No. I promise you the record will never show anywhere again.”
Tears formed and started pouring down my cheeks. How did a person thank somebody for doing something like this? “I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to thank you.”
“You can start by never mentioning the subject again, and not putting yourself down because you have a record. You don’t. Not anymore.”
Still looking at him and the fierce green light in his eyes, I started to sob. It wasn’t delicate or attractive. The tortured sounds escaping my mouth was a release of the pain that had been trapped inside me for a very long time. It was almost painful to let that anguish out of confinement.
Trace didn’t say a word. He simply lifted me out of the chair and strode back to the living room, allowing me to let go of the agony of the past.
All of my fear.
All of the excruciating hurt.
My sense of betrayal.
My terror of finding myself in prison.
My profound sense of being alone.
As I clung to him, those things truly became part of my past, a past that had no place interfering with my future.
“I can’t believe you did this for me,” I wailed against his shoulder.
“Believe it. I would do it over and over again if I had to.” His arms tightened as he rocked his body, making me sway along with him.
“Thank you. I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you,” I choked out.
“I’ll always be here for you, Eva. You aren’t alone anymore,” he answered hoarsely.
What Trace didn’t know was that he’d never be alone either. He’d stolen a piece of my heart and soul, and I knew right then and there that I’d never get those back again.
*****
I had a hard time sleeping that night. I’d gotten out of bed and wandered to the kitchen, snatching a few cookies and a glass of milk. I stood in the dimly-lit kitchen, scarfing cookies at the counter, my unblemished past still seeming too surreal to take in.
I missed the feel of Trace’s arms around me, his strong, hard body sheltering me. He’d held me for what seemed like hours before we finally said goodnight, and now I was lonely.
I know I’m going to have to get used to being alone again shortly. Rationally, I understood that, but it couldn’t diminish the longing of my body and mind right now.
I swallowed the last of my cookie and washed it down with milk before placing the cup in the dishwasher.
I picked up my phone that had finished charging on the counter, searching for Isa’s number. I’d finally told her the truth during a long telephone conversation earlier in the week. I’d avoided her because I was ashamed of the fact that we’d arranged for me to go to culinary school, but I’d ended up in prison instead. My shame had kept me from calling her earlier, but Trace had urged me to get in touch with her. Since he’d wiped away my record and proved my innocence, my sense of embarrassment had finally fled.
Isa had comforted me, let me talk about my insecurities. She’d also prompted me to go on with my plans for school since Trace had given me enough money to get started. I didn’t know exactly what I was going to do, but Isa had offered to be there to help me with anything I needed, and we’d planned to get together for lunch after the holidays.
She knew everything, even that I had feelings for Trace. I hadn’t admitted that I’d slept with him, but she’d guessed the truth.
Are you awake? I sent her the short text. It was getting late, but I figured if she was asleep, she wouldn’t reply.
My phone rang seconds later.
“Is everything okay?” Isa asked anxiously.
“It’s fine. I didn’t mean to bother you.”
“You’re not. I’m waiting up for Robert. He had an emergency at work.”
My heart swelled. Isa sounded so incredibly happy. “You love him.”
“With all of my heart,” Isa admitted happily. “How’s Trace?”
“He’s good. In bed. I couldn’t sleep.”
We made small talk for a while, catching up on what we had done in the last week.
“You sound like you’re crazy about Trace,” Isa observed.
“I think I am.”
“Then don’t let him go, Eva,” she said sternly.
“I have to, Isa. We have no future, and he doesn’t want me forever.”
She sighed into the phone. “In some cases, you have to take one day at a time. I didn’t think Robert and I had a future either. But one day we realized that we didn’t want to be apart. It didn’t happen overnight. Sometimes you need to be open to letting things grow naturally.”