When Sergei laid me on the bed, I reached out for him, thighs wide to accept him, and when he pushed inside me, brought our bodies together with one rough thrust that made me scream in pleasure, some part of me wondered if I might love him.
Twenty-One
Daniela
“Thank you for letting me visit, Senna,” I said a few days later.
I had reached out to her through Sergei, and I’d been nervous, but she’d welcomed me with open arms.
“No. Thank you. It’s wonderful to have company,” she said.
She had just returned from laying Luka down for his afternoon nap, and then sat across from me at the kitchen table.
I’d spent a couple of hours here, just chatting, relaxing, something I hadn’t realized I hadn’t done for so long.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve done something like this,” I said, sharing my thought with Senna.
She gave me an understanding look and then said, “Me too. Why has it been so long for you?”
I shrugged. “It was always hard to make friends. I have a sister, but she’s gone now. Then my mother got sick,” I said.
She nodded understandingly. “Since then?”
“And since then, it’s just been…”
I trailed off, not sure how to phrase it.
It wasn’t that I’d been completely surrounded by men. Actually, there had always been a variety of people around, but all of them were looking for something, from me, either a way to channel my father’s wrath or looking for me to protect them from it.
Nothing like these few hours with Senna, or my time with Sergei for that matter. Time when I could just be Daniela. Not Santo’s daughter or representative of the Carmelli family. Just Daniela.
“I can imagine it’s difficult for you,” she said.
“What?” I asked, drifting back to the conversation when I’d been losing myself in thought.
“The expectation, obligation,” she said.
“It’s nothing. It’s not. I mean…”
I again trailed off when I realized that I was starting to fumble. I didn’t really have words to describe it, but she seemed to understand completely.
“Is it difficult for you?” I asked.
She shook her head.
I didn’t pursue the matter further, was surprised that we had even gone this far. But from what I had seen, her existence was quite different than my mother’s, or mine for that matter. I didn’t know if she and Maxim were married, didn’t really know anything about them. Well, except that they had the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen, and that he loved her fiercely and was fiercely protective.
“How did you come to be here, Senna?” I asked, curiosity overtaking me.
She looked at me, shrugged. “How do any of us?”
“It’s an excellent question, but definitely not an answer,” I said.
She didn’t respond, and I smiled and shrugged. “It’s fine. But I get the feeling you’re happy,” I said.
“That word doesn’t even begin to describe it,” she replied.
In that moment, I was envious of her. Maxim, for all of the things he had done to my father, the things I wouldn’t even begin to imagine he had done to other people, loved this woman. She wasn’t simply a utility, a tool for business purposes.
I couldn’t say the same.
There was a deepening connection between him and me, and at least on my part, feelings, but that didn’t change the circumstances of our marriage.
“Have you known Sergei long?” I asked, changing the subject.
“A long time. He was barely grown when I met him,” Senna said.
“Is he different now?” I asked, desperate for any insight into who my husband was, how he had come to be.
She looked reflective for a moment, considering. “Yes. He’s much more mature now. Even more so since he met you.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“He’s always been rather…” She trailed off, searching for the right word.
“Reckless, irresponsible?” I asked.
She shook her head. “No. Never that. He likes to give that impression, but he’s never been irresponsible.”
I agreed. I wasn’t yet sure what to call it, but I knew Sergei was as reliable as they came. “I guess a certain levelheadness is essential. Maxim didn’t seem like the type who would respond well to reckless associates.”
Senna said nothing, but that didn’t surprise me.
“So how is he different?” I asked, prying for more information.
“He’s always been cavalier. That’s the word I was looking for. He has never really had purpose, focus, and you’ve given him that,” she said.