I didn’t like talking about this with her, but I wouldn’t pretend she was an idiot.
“Most of this business is bullshit,” I said. “They talk about honor and loyalty and that shit, but they’ll turn their backs on anyone, betray anyone, to get ahead.”
“Even their own daughters?” she said.
“Even their own daughters,” I said.
“A shame,” she said.
Then she went back to polishing the frame.
* * *
Sergei
“Senna’s not here?” I asked the next day when Maxim pulled the door open.
“She’s out. Took the baby to the park,” he said.
I stepped inside the house and closed the door. “By herself?”
“What do you think?” Maxim said.
“Yes,” I replied, knowing that Maxim would never allow such a thing, and given how I felt about Daniela, I understood his reasoning.
I stood in the living room now, feeling awkward.
“What do you want, Sergei?” Maxim said.
I laughed at his directness, but quickly went quiet. I didn’t feel comfortable with this, but I didn’t have another outlet.
“I think I’m about to ask you for advice,” I said.
“Business-related?” Maxim asked, not looking entirely surprised but interested.
“Business. Personal too,” I said.
There was a flicker of understanding on his face.
“Daniela,” he said.
“Yes,” I replied on an exhaled sigh.
It was a testament to how fucked up I was that I was showing Maxim this side of myself, let alone discussing it. The wonder was that he didn’t run me out, or at the very least laugh in my face, not that I could really recall Maxim laughing.
“She misbehaved?”
I looked at him sharply. “She’s not a child, Maxim,” I said.
He shook his head. “Your feelings are involved.”
“You know how it goes,” I said.
“Much to my surprise, I do know how it goes.”
He unbuttoned his jacket and then sat on the couch. He looked at me, and I couldn’t help but pause to marvel at the surreal nature of this moment.
I was sitting across from Maxim, about to have a heart-to-heart. It was almost mind-blowing.
“So what would you do?” I asked.
“It clouds your judgment. You have to be aware of that,” he said.
“What clouds your judgment?”
“Caring for someone. It makes you do things you didn’t ever think you would,” he said.
“Like sparing Santo’s life?” I asked.
“His continued existence is an affront to everything I believed I was, but she asked it of me, and I was powerless to deny her anything,” he said.
Which only proved how fucked I was.
Because of all of us, I thought of Maxim as beyond the reach of humanity, and if he wasn’t, I had no shot. I said as much.
“I’m fucked,” I said. None of this was supposed to happen. Marrying Daniela was supposed to be a means to an end, but now I’d lost sight of that and somehow found myself caring for her, something that complicated what should have been a straightforward process.
“You are. But there are benefits,” he said.
“Like what?”
“Well,” he said, looking calm, deeply thoughtful. “It gives all the fighting, the bullshit meaning.”
“Yes,” I said.
I was experiencing the same thing myself.
My entire life had been consumed with ambition, moving forward, but the idea of simple moments, moments unburdened by the need to get something, or the imperative to raise my status, get more power, those moments made all the time before her feel almost meaningless.
“Is it worth it?” I asked, looking at Maxim.
“Yes,” he said instantly.
“I was afraid you were going to say that,” I said, hoping that maybe if Maxim had said it wasn’t, it might help me start to pull myself out of this, not that I was sure anything could.
“You’re cut out for it,” he said.
“Is that a good thing?” I asked.
“To be honest, I wasn’t sure. I always thought that compassion made you weak. Now I see another side to it,” he said.
“What side?” I asked.
“I have Senna to consider now. My son. If something were to happen to me, I know you’d take care of them. That’s worth more than anything,” he said.
This level of revelation was not common for Maxim, and I couldn’t help but wonder if there was something else driving this. “Is there something going on I should know about?”
“No, but should this life finally catch up with me, I know there’s someone here,” he said.
“I’ll take care of them if it comes to that,” I said.