“Another Mohiri female would have recognized the bond between her and a male, but you don’t have a normal connection with your Mori. Otherwise, you would sense Nikolas when he is near, as he does with you. That is why I asked Nikolas to give you time to become accustomed to our way of life before telling you about the bond. You’re young and you’ve been through so much recently. You were upset about leaving home, and I didn’t think you were ready to hear this. Nikolas didn’t want to upset you or confuse you more than you were. He didn’t like it, but he agreed to go away for a while and give you space and some time to adjust. He refused to stay away any longer when he heard about the lamprey attack. He came back that night.”
I chewed on my lower lip and tried to calm my stomach. It just couldn’t be true. Yes, I could feel Nikolas when he was close, but that didn’t prove anything. I’d seen him with Celine, and the way he looked at me after we had kissed, there was no mistaking the regret in his eyes. Those were not the actions of a man enamored with me. “But I saw him . . . with Celine. And he told me the kiss was a mistake.”
“Nikolas and Celine were together for a period a long time ago, but I can assure you there is nothing between them now. As for the kiss, Nikolas is an honorable man and he knew I didn’t want him to pursue a deeper relationship with you until you understood what was happening between you.”
“I . . . I’m having trouble believing this. It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s just that you haven’t really seen us together. We argue all the time, and he’s always trying to tell me what to do. He gets so uptight every time I – ”
“Every time you are hurt or in danger?” Tristan supplied and the bottom dropped out of my stomach. “As I said, males can be very protective, and the relationship between the male and female is usually stormy at first. When a male senses his female is in real danger or distress, his Mori can go into what we call a rage.”
“A rage?” Something Chris had said to me once came back to me. He’s worked himself into a bit of a rage . . . It’s a Mori thing . . . You’ll learn about that stuff soon.
“It happens when a male warrior and his Mori become too agitated to control their emotions,” Tristan explained. “It’s easily restrained if the bond is new or weak, but the stronger the connection, the deeper his instincts are to protect you. Tonight, when Nikolas saw you covered in blood, he went into a full rage, and one wrong move from any of us would have set him off. I’ve seen it before. The only way to calm him was to assure him you were safe. That was why I told you to talk to him and touch him. You were the only one who could get through to him. The bond between you is much stronger than I had suspected, which is why I asked if you and he had been intimate.”
I laid my forehead on my knees and squeezed my eyes shut. It was all too much. I cared for Nikolas. He infuriated me half the time, but I’d be lying if I said there was nothing between us, at least on my part. I’d had plenty of time since our kiss to analyze my emotions and realize that my feelings for him had begun to change before I even left New Hastings. The kiss had just made me admit what I had been trying to deny all this time.
But love? Not just love but the deep soul mate kind of love that Tristan spoke of? I wasn’t ready for that. The thought of committing to a lifelong relationship with anyone at this point, even if I did have strong feelings for him, was too much to think about right now.
How did Nikolas really feel about all of this? Had he been driven to kiss me only because his demon felt a connection to mine? What if he felt trapped by this bond and that was why he had looked unhappy after he kissed me. How would I ever know if it was he and not his demon who wanted to be with me?
“You are very quiet.”
I rubbed my eyes. “Sorry. I’m really trying to understand all this. What exactly does it mean to be bonded?”
Tristan hesitated as if he was thinking of the best way to explain it. “A bonded couple share what I can only describe as a spiritual connection. They can always sense one another when they are near, and after they complete the bond, they can communicate through the bond and feel each other’s emotions when they are together. Bonded mates can also share their Mori power to comfort each other and aid in healing if one is sick or hurt. It is a very intimate connection and something an unmated Mohiri cannot do.”
The first time Nikolas came to see me in New Hastings, he had tried to push into my mind to prove to me I was Mohiri. He’d known even then about the connection between us. What had it been like for him all this time, knowing about it when I had no idea?