“I don’t think I could live like that.”
“And I couldn’t live any other way,” he said with a smile. “Now I understand why it’s so difficult for you tap into your Mori’s strength. You keep it bound so tightly you aren’t even aware of its presence half the time. We need to show you how to get to know it.”
My hands twisted in the bottom of my hoodie. “How do we do that?”
“You said you keep it locked in a part of your mind, right? You need to loosen your hold on it and connect with it.”
I jumped to my feet. “I can’t do that. You don’t understand how it felt when I let it out before.”
Nikolas did not move from his rock. “It won’t be like that this time because we won’t let it.” He looked calm and sounded so confident that I wanted to believe him. He was strong but could he protect me from what was inside me? He extended a hand toward me. “Trust me.”
My hand had a mind of its own, slipping into his so he could he pull me down gently to sit on the rock again. Fear chilled me, and the only warm part of me was the hand he held.
“Take it slowly. Just open up a little and remember that you are the stronger one.”
“I thought the whole purpose of this is to tap into the demon because it has all the strength and speed.”
His gaze did not waver. “Physically yes, but mentally you are stronger, and your Mori knows that.”
I closed my eyes and reached for the wall between me and my Mori. With one thought the barrier began to lower, and I immediately felt excitement from the demon huddled behind it. The demon shifted restlessly and fear shot through me, sending the wall back up again. I took a deep breath and tried again. The wall lowered, the demon surged forward, and the wall slammed up. Two more times I tried it with the same result. I gritted my teeth as frustration filled me.
Strong fingers squeezed my hand gently. I’m safe with Nikolas. I can do this. Resolve filled me, and I let the wall fall before I could stop myself. The demon rushed forward, and this time it made it past the barrier. I cried out as it pressed forward eagerly against my mind and pressure started to build inside my head.
“Look at me,” Nikolas ordered, his warm hands moving up to frame my cold face. I opened my eyes to meet his. “I know this feels wrong and frightening to you, but that is only because you aren’t used to it. Don’t run from it, and don’t push it away. Feel your Mori, get to know it, and let it get to know you.”
I grabbed a thread of my power and held onto it like a lifeline as I faced the Mori. Stop! I told it sharply, but it ignored me and surged forward again. I brandished my power like a weapon. Stop!
The Mori froze, and I sensed it watching me warily. We faced off for what seemed like forever before it slowly pulled back in a reluctant act of submission. I pulled back my power, and we studied one another for the first time without a wall between us. The Mori was a small blob of brooding darkness that broadcast a myriad of emotions and jumbled thoughts I could not understand. We were like familiar strangers, two people who had shared the same house for a long time without ever speaking.
Hello, I said before I realized how stupid that sounded. You did not talk to the demon in your head. Yeah, because having a demon in your head is so normal. They have hospitals for this kind of thing.
The Mori shifted position slightly, reminding me of a dog tilting its head when you speak to it. Do you understand me? I asked it.
It did not speak, but I sensed something that felt like recognition – and resentment. I’d be resentful too if I had been locked up for years. Still, I couldn’t help the spark of excitement that flared in my chest. Don’t you want to talk to me?
Talk? The word filled my mind, and I recognized the voice I had heard in my head my whole life.
Yes, you know – get to know each other, I guess.
The Mori did not respond, and I wondered if I had imagined it speaking. I reached toward it, and it shrunk back suddenly, making a sound like a growl. It took me several seconds to realize it was scared of me, or more likely of the power I held. Taking a huge leap of faith, I dropped the power and let it sink back into my core. I won’t hurt you, I said the same way I would talk to a feral animal.
Glow burns, it snarled.
Glow? What was it talking about? Then I looked down inside myself and saw the shimmering well of my power. I gave myself a mental head slap. My Fae power hurt it because it was a demon.
I’m sorry. I didn’t know it burned you. I won’t hurt you anymore.
The Mori appeared to understand, and it relaxed but did not move closer. It studied me quietly as if it was trying to figure out why I was talking to it all of a sudden.