Refuge(125)

Instead of letting me go, he pulled me closer, whispering words I couldn’t make out over the pounding of blood in my ears. It was futile to struggle against him, so I stopped and stood woodenly in his arms, waiting for what I knew was to come.

“Nikolas, it’s good to see you again,” Nate said jovially. Every word was a lash flaying open my soul. I felt tears behind my eyes, but for some reason they did not come.

“I wish I could say the same,” Nikolas replied evenly. “I’m sorry this happened to you, Nate.”

“Don’t be. I’ve never felt so whole or so strong.”

Tristan motioned to someone, and Niall and Seamus strode over to place restraints on Nate. “What . . . will you do with him?” I asked when they started to lead him away.

Nate made a scoffing sound. “What do you think they will do? You are vampire killers, after all.”

Tristan walked over to me, and the sympathy in his eyes was almost too much to bear. “We will question him about the Master.”

“And then?”

“He will die,” he said heavily. “I promise it will be quick and . . . ”

I didn’t hear the rest. Black dots swam before my eyes and sounds became muffled like I was under water. I swayed in Nikolas’s arms. “Let’s get you inside,” he said gently.

“No, I need . . . I need to be there.” No matter what he was now, I couldn’t leave Nate to die among strangers. He deserved better than that.”

Tristan rubbed his brow. “It won’t happen today. It usually takes a few days to get them to talk. He won’t hold out long without . . . sustenance.” New vampires need to feed daily. Tristan was going to starve Nate until he gave up the information they wanted.

The thought of Nate drinking blood horrified me. But he had done it already, hadn’t he? Vampires don’t finish the transition until they drink from a live human. Another life lost because of me. When would it stop?

Not until the Master dies . . . or I do.

“You are turning blue from the cold, little one,” said Desmund quietly, and I wondered vaguely how long he had been there. “Let Nikolas take you inside, please.”

I nodded and let Nikolas turn me toward the building. At the top of the steps, a crowd had gathered as almost everyone from the dining hall spilled outside to see what was going on. I refused to let Nikolas carry me, and I looked straight ahead, trying not to see the looks of shock or pity on the faces I passed. Inside the hall, I spotted Jordan, Olivia, and Michael standing together. Olivia’s eyes brimmed with tears and, for once, Jordan wasn’t wearing her cocky smile. Michael looked stricken, and I knew he was remembering his lost family. I wished I could offer them words of comfort, but my lips were as frozen as my heart.

Even Celine, who stood alone at the bottom of the stairs, looked at me without her usual sneer. Imagine that, I thought numbly. She might actually have a heart after all. Not that it mattered, not that anything mattered anymore.

I barely noticed my surroundings as we walked to my room. Nikolas didn’t try to talk to me, but he kept my hand in his the whole way. I’d thought of him as my anchor once, and that was what he was to me now. He was the only thing keeping me from coming apart in a million pieces and drifting away.

Later, I would have only a shadowy recollection of entering my room and curling up in a shivering ball on my bed. Voices came and went. I lay there wrapped up in my misery thinking about Nate in a cell below. Only he wasn’t Nate anymore. The man who had raised me and loved me was gone, and in his place was a monster. Pain radiated from my chest to every part of me, and I pressed my face into the pillow, praying for the oblivion of sleep.

When I did finally sleep, Nate haunted my dreams. He called to me, begging me to save him, asking me why I let this happen to him. I saw him rising from his wheelchair, his green eyes now red and blood dripping from his lips. At his feet was a blond teenage girl, and I recognized her as one of the girls who had disappeared from Portland months ago. As I stared at him, he became my dad, his face gray and lifeless. Why, Madeline? Why did you do this to me? he beseeched in a rattling voice. His face blurred and he was Nate again, clutching the hilt of a dagger protruding from his chest. You’re just like her. She killed my brother and you killed me.

“Shhh.” Nikolas held me while I sobbed against his chest, his hand rubbing my back until I cried myself out. He moved to sit up and I clung to his shirt, but he only tugged a quilt over us and pulled me back into the circle of his arms. Emotionally drained, I fell asleep again to the soothing sound of his breathing and his heartbeat against my cheek.