When my phone rang that evening, I saw Nate’s number and laughed. Nate was such a creature of habit. He called me every Tuesday night without fail, and he wasn’t going to miss a night, even if he would see me tomorrow.
“Hey, Nate!”
“Hey, yourself. How are things going?” He sounded tired, and I hoped he wasn’t overworking himself.
“Oh you know . . . the same.” Lightning was probably going to strike me for that whopper, but I couldn’t tell Nate about everything over the phone. “So, you all packed for tomorrow?”
“That’s actually what I’m calling about.” He coughed, and I listened to him wheeze with a growing sense of dread. “I have some bad news. I haven’t been feeling too good the last few days so I went to my doctor today. He says I have pneumonia and I can’t travel this week.”
A pit opened in my stomach. “What? No! They have all kinds of medicines here. They can treat your pneumonia in no time.” I was already calculating how long it would take to bring the medicine to him.
He coughed again. “Sara, you know how I feel about that. My doctor prescribed something, and I just need to take it easy for a few days.”
And miss Thanksgiving? I started for my closet to find my suitcase. “Then I’ll come to you.”
“No,” he said sharply, and I stopped halfway across the room.
“Nate?”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bark at you. It’s just that you’re supposed to be hiding and we can’t risk someone seeing you. I won’t be good company for you anyway. I’d rather you stay there and I’ll come later.”
“But you’ll be alone for Thanksgiving.” The happiness that had carried me all day drained away.
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine,” he rasped. “I’ll come as soon as I can travel. I wouldn’t miss seeing you for the world.”
“It won’t be the same without you.”
“I know, but we’ll see each other soon.” He breathed deeply, and I could hear the rattle in his chest. “I need to take my meds and get some rest so I can get rid of this. I’ll talk to you in a few days, okay?”
“Okay,” I said, even though I was anything but okay. Ever since I got here, I had been counting down the days until Thanksgiving when I would see Nate again. Disappointment cut through me deeply, and I just wanted to curl up in my bed and cry.
God, I am an awful person. Here I was wallowing in self-pity and Nate was suffering from pneumonia. He’d be all alone for the holiday and I was thinking only of myself. I couldn’t even call Roland or Peter and asked them to drop in and check on Nate because the family was leaving tomorrow to spend the holiday with their grandmother up near Bangor.
The urge to go to home despite his arguments was so strong that I grabbed a backpack and had it full of clothes before my common sense took over. Nate was right; it wasn’t safe for me in New Hastings right now. All I’d be doing was putting both of us in danger, and I couldn’t forgive myself if he was hurt because of me again.
It was a long sleepless night, and it left me tired and cross the next morning. Less than ten minutes into training, Nikolas stepped back and asked me what was wrong.
“Nothing,” I mumbled, trying unsuccessfully to kick the heavy bag like he’d taught me yesterday.
“You are obviously upset about something.”
“I’m fine,” I lied. Tears threatened and I punched the bag angrily. I wanted to tell him what was wrong, but things were so weird between us that I didn’t know how to talk to him. And I didn’t want to run to him whenever things didn’t go right. I wanted to prove to both of us that I could stand on my own. “Can we get back to work?”
He moved forward to grab the bag again, and when he spoke his voice had lost some of the coolness that had been present the last few days. “Just know I’m here if you want to talk.”
Neither of us spoke much for the remainder of the session, but Nikolas’s words played over and over in my head all afternoon. The longer I thought about it, the more guilt I felt for brushing him off like I had. None of this was his fault, and when he had reached out to me, I’d behaved like a brat. Was it because I wanted to be strong, or was it really because I was afraid to open up to him, afraid of where that might lead? The two of us were in a strange limbo right now because I could not deal with us and because he wouldn’t press me. It was unfair to him, and it was time I stopped behaving like I was the only one with feelings.
By the time dinner rolled around, I had gathered my courage and made up my mind to talk to Nikolas. I spent the meal watching for him, and I barely tasted my food or heard what Jordan and Olivia were saying next to me. When he didn’t show, I almost ground my teeth in frustration. I finally wanted to talk, and he had decided to dine somewhere else.