Redemption(41)

I looked down at the bar for a moment before meeting Jimmy’s eyes. “I don’t know, Jimmy.” I didn’t know whether I could trust anyone again.

“Look, man, do you want Tyler back or not?”

I huffed. “Of course I fucking do. I would do whatever it took if I thought there would be some hope of her ever forgiving me.”

Jimmy leaned in a little. “Well, then, you’re going to have to loosen the reins and fucking trust me a little.”

I smiled and shook my head. “Why do you want to help me anyway?”

Jimmy slumped a little and sighed. “You two seem like you belong together. Besides, I know what it’s like to lose someone you love. It fucking kills you. I don’t want to see that happening to you and Tyler.”

I frowned for a moment at this little bit of Jimmy that I didn’t know. He was always so secretive. A bit like me, I suppose. I never knew anything about him. “Why couldn’t you get her back?”

Jimmy shook his head, a painful look in his eyes. “If I’d tried harder, she wouldn’t be dead.”

I winced at this news and it fucking killed me to think about that happening with Tyler.

Jimmy saw my expression and nodded. “You see? That’s what I don’t want happening to you.”

“What happened?”

Jimmy let out a breath and turned his body around to face the bar. “I’m going to need a fucking drink in order to tell you this. I haven’t told anyone, so make sure what I’m about to say never leaves this room.”

I looked at him. “Jimmy, you know everything about me and Tyler now. I would hope you would have the same respect and courtesy you’re asking me. It fucking goes without saying.”

Jimmy nodded and motioned for Graham to come over. He looked at my empty glass and lifted his eyebrow. “You want another?”

I shook my head. “No, I think I’m done.”

Jimmy nodded with a smile and ordered a double bourbon on the rocks. When Graham poured the drink, Jimmy swiftly picked it up, downed it, then ordered another. Once that came, he stared at his glass with a sad look on his face.

“It was five years ago last February. Her name was Grace. I always called her my ‘Grace from God’.” He laughed a little at the memory. “We had been going out for a couple years and I was very close to asking her to marry me. She had this male friend at work who was a jackass.” He gave me an inquisitive look. “Sound familiar to you?” I nodded with a huff. “Well, she was out with her colleagues one night and they’d all been drinking. I was sitting at home waiting for her, but I couldn’t seem to settle. I knew that fucking punk would be there and I knew he would have done anything to take her away from me.” He stopped for a moment and took a sip of his drink.

“What did you do?”

“When it got close to eleven o’clock, I couldn’t take it anymore. I went down to the bar where she was and saw him kissing her. I stormed in, beat the living shit out of him, accused her of playing me behind my back, and ended up with my arse in jail.”

I shook my head. “Shit, Jimmy! I’m sorry, man.”

He shook his head. “Me, too. I fucking embarrassed her in front of everyone. I later found out it was that punk, Brandon, who had made an aggressive move on her. Grace had nothing to do with it. In fact, her colleagues were saying he was becoming a pain in the fucking arse and were going to say something to him before I came barging in and ruined the night.” Jimmy sighed and took another swig. “Anyway, Grace said she was leaving me because she wanted to be with someone who would trust her one hundred percent. I begged her not to go. She said she needed time away, so she packed her bags. I groveled for a while but, in the end, I thought it was best to give her time. Three weeks later, she texted me to tell me she was moving back to Scotland. I told her not to go and that I loved her and wanted to marry her. That I was sorry and I would do whatever it took to get her back. She told me it was too late and that she was already on the road.” Jimmy gripped his eyes shut as though he was trying to block out what he knew was coming next.

“That February was particularly bad, weather-wise. It was snowing heavily and the roads were treacherous. Her car lost control and collided with a lorry. She had no fucking chance. She survived for a while. She was hooked up to a ventilator for a few weeks, until the doctor suggested we turn it off. She was brain dead. The doctor said it was for the best.” Jimmy banged his fist on the bar. “Fuck!”

Raising my arm, I squeezed his shoulder. “I’m so fucking sorry, Jimmy.” The realization dawned on me. “That’s the real reason you hate hospitals, isn’t it?” He nodded. “Fucking hell, Jimmy. Why didn’t you ever say anything? I would have understood.”