Redemption(40)

But the more I lay there, the more I knew I couldn’t stay like that forever. The hard façade I always wore was yelling at me to stop being a fucking pussy and open my damn eyes.

So I did.







Two weeks had gone by and I hadn’t heard from Tyler. I knew she had gone back to the new life she created for herself. It made me rage inside to think she may have gone back to that fucking numpty of a man who thought he could give Tyler everything she wanted. Tyler was a woman who needed a real man. Someone who would walk on water for her, but wouldn’t take any fucking shit from anybody. Someone who would protect her to the ends of the earth. Someone who would die for her.

I sat, legs resting on the barstool as I nursed my ninth bourbon of the night. I was wasted, but not enough to know that the barman gave me that “look” fifteen minutes ago. The one that told me he was on the verge on ringing Jimmy. In fact, I bet he already had.

So to screw with him, I downed my ninth bourbon and pushed it towards him. “Another please, Graham.”

Graham looked at the glass, then at me with a worried frown. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough, Dean? Maybe you should walk outside and get some air.”

A rippling chortle left me as I thought how ridiculous that sounded. “Hey, I don’t need no fucking air.” I waved my hand to emphasize my point and nearly toppled over. A pair of hands captured me and steadied me on the stool. I turned, but I already knew who it was.

“Jimmy! How the devil are you, my knight in fucking shining armour?”

Jimmy smiled, nodded at Graham, and turned to me. “I’m fucking peachy, Dean, but I can hazard a guess that your head won’t be tomorrow morning.” He sat down on the stool beside me and grabbed my shoulder. “How many times have you been in here this week?”

“Five!” Graham shouted.

I glared at him. “Okay, mate, no need to fucking count. Jeez!” I shook my head and looked back at Jimmy. “Who needs a barman as an accountant, Jimmy? All I want is another fucking drink. Is that too much to ask? I mean, I thought that’s what barmen were there for?”

Jimmy tutted and looked over at my empty glass. “But the amount that you want is going to kill you, Dean.”

I laughed. “It doesn’t fucking matter. I’m already dead.”

Jimmy sighed and looked at me for a moment. “What do you think Tyler would say if she could see you now? Do you really think she would want you like this?”

“I don’t fucking care,” I growled.

Jimmy’s eyes popped open. “Oh, but you do. You fucking care too much, and that’s your problem right there. You’re trying to hide yourself back into the person you once were. It doesn’t wash with me, Dean, and it sure as hell wouldn’t wash with Tyler again. What happened to the man who was going to fight to the ends of the earth to win her back?”

I huffed. “She doesn’t want him. Plain and fucking simple. She didn’t say the words, but her message was pretty loud and fucking clear to me the morning she left me in that hotel room.”

Jimmy sighed. “Did you ever stop to think that maybe she just needed time? What you did to her was pretty fucking terrible, man. It would take a lot to try get over something like that.”

I felt my nostrils flare as the anger came. “You don’t think I fucking know that? Shit, Jimmy, what are you trying to fucking do here?”

“I’m trying to help you, you fucking knucklehead!”

I looked at Jimmy for a moment and the anger that was once there vanished. Jimmy smiled, then the laughter came. “You’re a fucking numpty.”

“Shit shoveller.”

“Pansy.”

“Assbutt.”

“Dipshit.”

“Fucktard.”

“Rumpleforeskin.”

That stopped me, and I frowned at Jimmy. “Seriously?” I shook my head with a laugh.

Jimmy shrugged. “I was just rolling with it.” He raised his eyebrow at me and nudged my shoulder a little. “I’ve always liked you man, but I think I like you better since I heard about Tyler. I don’t know Tyler too well, but you know how much I’ve followed her around. She seems like a cool chick, but I can tell when someone’s missing something from her life. She has that look in her eye. The same fucking look I get to see in you every day. You need to change that look, Dean, and only you can do it. Only you can beg her forgiveness until she caves.”

Through the fogginess of my brain, I shook my head. “She doesn’t want me, Jimmy. I’ve hurt her too much. I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me.”

Jimmy sighed and laid his hand on my shoulder. “Let me be the judge of that.” He straightened his spine and frowned a little. “I have a plan. Do you trust me? It will mean giving me some expenses to run with.”