Evan and I looked at each other as if to say, What the fuck? I found out soon enough when they all started singing Steal My Girl by One Direction.
Oh, fuck and double fuck. I couldn’t believe the levels Dean had now gone to. The whole time they were playing, all I wanted to do was bury my head in my hands. In shock, Evan just sat there, mouth wide open. I couldn’t fucking blame him.
Dean, you little shit!
Once they finished, everyone cheered and they walked away. I didn’t quite know what to do, so all I did was sit and stare back at Evan. He looked at me quizzically, but I think he could tell something was wrong by the look on my face.
“I think we need to go back to your house for that chat.”
I nodded in resolution and we got up to pay for our meal. Soon, we were in Evan’s car and driving back to my house. No words were spoken the whole way, but I could tell Evan was uptight. His shoulders were tense and his jaw clenched from time to time. I hated that I was doing this to him.
Once inside my house, we ventured over to the sofa and sat down. Evan sighed. “You know what that was about tonight, don’t you?” I nodded. “You need to tell me what’s going on.”
So I did. I told him about what had been happening these past couple days. I even confessed to the kiss Dean and I shared outside the house yesterday. To say he didn’t look heartbroken was an understatement, but he deserved to know. He deserved to know the kind of woman he’d been dating for the past four years.
“I don’t blame you if you hate me, Evan. I hate me.”
Evan leaned back into the sofa and roughly rubbed his chin before looking at me. “I couldn’t hate you. I’m upset that you thought so little of our relationship, but I was always kidding myself that we even had one. I had the relationship, but you didn’t. It was always going to be one-sided. To be honest, I always knew, but I just clung onto the fact that, one day, you might just let him go and learn to love again. But it’s never going to be that way, is it?”
I closed my eyes because I knew I had to confess to him. He needed to know. I shook my head. “No, Evan. It isn’t.”
Evan sighed in resolution, his eyes pooling a little with tears. “It was my own fault. I shouldn’t have clung onto the hope that we could ever have a relationship. I think I just loved you so much that anything you could give, I would take. I know that sounds pathetic, but it’s true.”
I felt sick. I hated that I put us in this situation. I hated that I had broken his heart. Most of all, I hated myself more than ever.
“I’m so sorry.” That was all I could offer him now. I wasn’t going to give him the bullshit story about him meeting someone better than me, et cetera, et cetera. That would only add salt to his wounds.
Evan leaned forward and took my hand. “Don’t be. You never promised me anything, Jessica. You were always honest about your feelings towards me. I just let this go on a lot longer than I should have.”
I grabbed his hand. “Are you going to be okay?”
Evan smiled. “I’m going to be fine. I fix hearts, remember? I’m just sorry I never got to fix yours.” A tear rolled down my face and Evan wiped it away. “Now the question is are you going to be okay?”
I nodded with a smile. “You know me. I’m always okay.”
Evan huffed a little laugh. “See now, that’s your problem right there. You’re always just okay. Nobody should ever settle for just okay. You need to find brilliant. Until you do, okay is something you’ll live with for the rest of your life.”
I smiled at Evan as another tear fell down my face. “You’re the most amazing man I have ever met, Evan.”
He chuckled. “I hope I can be for someone one day. I now know it won’t be you.”
I pulled Evan in for one last final hug. I knew this was goodbye. I never wanted it to end like this, but it was for the best. Evan was only wasting time with me when he could be out there finding Miss Right. The one lady who will be his amazing. Any woman would be lucky to have him. It just wasn’t going to be me. It never was.
Evan pulled away and got up as he held my hand. “Please take care of yourself. And this.” He placed his hand on my heart. “It’s precious, and you only have the one.” He laughed at his own joke and walked towards the door.
Once Evan stepped outside, I leaned forward and placed a kiss on his lips. He lingered, but I pulled away, not wanting to make this harder than it already was. “I love you, Evan.”
There. I said it, and it was true. I did love him. I had always loved him. I just couldn’t love him in the way he wanted me to. I needed him to know, though. I needed him to see that I did love him for the great person he was.