You wanted me gone because you were scared for our son, and you were right to be scared. You were right to push me away. I promise you that I am gone and will never hassle you again. You can live a carefree life with Jeremy without the constant worry of looking over your shoulder. You can learn to love again and have a man take care of you the way you deserve to be taken care of. And, Tyler, you better make sure he is worthy of you. If not, I will have to hunt him down and break his fucking legs!
I will miss you, Rosey. I will miss you so much, it fucking hurts…but you must realize as much as I do how right it is for us to be apart. I will only bring you pain. I will only bring you suffering. I will only bring you danger. I wish I was wrong, but we both know that I’m not.
I’m so sorry.
Tell grown-up how proud I am of him, and how much his Daddy Dean loves him.
Be happy, my precious Rosey.
I will always love you.
D
I sat on the bed, tears streaming down my face. I was shocked and hurt but, most of all, I was angry. In fact, the more I sat there, the more that anger grew and grew before I scrunched up the letter and stood.
“You think you can try and run away from me without being a man and telling me to my face, Dean? Well, arsehole, I think you have another thing coming!”
Chapter 24
Dean
I don’t believe the world’s a particularly beautiful place,
But I do believe in redemption.
Colum McCann
Three weeks later
I thought being apart from Tyler would get easier with time, but I was just kidding myself. When did being apart from her ever get easier? A handful of times in the past three weeks, I had almost booked a flight to go back to her and beg her forgiveness, but that was the selfish part of me wanting what I couldn’t have again. Writing that letter killed me. It killed me giving her permission to love another man. And it damn near pushed me over the edge when I asked Evan to take care of her. I actually gave him permission to take care of what was mine. She would always be mine, no matter what. I blame me asking him to do that on the painkillers.
Fisting my hands, I grimaced at the thought she might be with him right now. Every part of me still hurt from the physical torture I endured at the hands of that little shit, Pinzano, but none of that could ever come close to the emotional tsunami that swept me up every fucking day knowing that I couldn’t be with her.
Memories of us, old and new, consumed me. In fact, I had been thinking so much about our childhood, I found myself at the park we used to go to in Buckinghamshire. It was just how I remembered, but some changes had been made. The kiddy park had been spruced up quite a bit, and it looked like there were more plants and flowers than I had remembered.
It was August and it was a nice day with lots of sunshine. Parents were out with their kids, playing on the swings, and I was on my own. Watching. Thinking. Remembering.
I walked towards a big lake that I remember throwing stones into when I was a kid. On instinct, I picked up a pebble and did just that. I watched as it bounced on the water, then disappeared.
“You haven’t lost your touch, I see.”
My head snapped up to see Tyler standing there in a beautiful floral dress. She looked fantastic, but she always did. Her blonde hair was wavy and she had that sexy tousled look I always loved on her. Fuck, I’d missed her.
I stumbled to say something, but she beat me to it. Suddenly, she looked very angry. “I’ve got a major fucking bone to pick with you.”
“Tyler, I—”
She came walking towards me, her finger pointing. “Don’t you fucking ‘Tyler’ me, arsehole. How dare you fucking leave me. How dare you come over, make me love you all over again, then fuck off. How dare you…”
As she rambled on, all I could think about was how beautiful, how fucking sexy she looked. Tyler was sexy as hell at all times, but when she was angry? Hell, I wanted to throw her up against the nearest object I could find and rip her fucking clothes off.
So, without thinking, I closed the distance between us and she stepped back. “I know that look. Don’t you fucking dare, Dean.”
I smiled at her. “What look?”
She wagged her finger at me and I growled. “That look you give when you’re about to pounce on me. I’m still angry with you.”
“Rosey, wag that finger at me one more time. Just one more fucking excuse. Come on, baby. Just give me one more.”
She walked back further, but I kept on coming. “I’m warning you, Dean…”
“Fuck me, do you know how sexy you are?”
She pursed her lips. “Dean!” she growled.
I licked my own. “I’m waiting, Tyler. I’m waiting for that one thing I know you can give me. Just. One. More. Fucking. Excuse.”