The secret of redemption lies in remembrance.
Richard Von Weizsaecker
On some occasions, I was conscious. At least, I think I was. I strained to open my eyes at times, but the overwhelming blackness would take over, and the nothingness returned.
At times, I was aware of Jeremy being there. I heard him call me daddy, and it was the best feeling in the world, but also the worst. I was in here for a reason, and the reason was because I had put my family in danger. Me. It tore me up that I had put them through this. Tyler was running away from all this, and I rewarded her by pursuing her relentlessly. I rewarded her by placing her and Jeremy in danger.
Sometimes when the blackness came, I welcomed it because when I was conscious, it gave me time to think. It gave me time to recall everything that happened. It gave me time to drown in the ever-mounting guilt that consumed my every waking thought. As a partner and a father, I had failed them both. The one thing I thought I could always be was a protective husband and father, and I couldn’t even do that.
I was pathetic.
I was a failure.
I was ashamed.
Ashamed of myself, ashamed of what I failed to do when it really mattered. How could I promise the world to Tyler now? Time and time again, the only thing I proved was that I could never keep my word.
I knew Jimmy was there at times, and I knew my uncle was, too. I heard his mocking tone when Tyler was there. I heard the way he would flirt with her, and I knew he was trying to wind me up. In fact, I just heard him say how beautiful she was and if she ever got fed up with me, she knew where he was. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to tell him to keep his filthy hands off her, but I was stuck. Knowing she was in the room, I was stuck.
I let myself fall under again.
The next time I woke up, I slowly opened one eye to find Humphrey sitting on the windowsill, looking out.
Trying my hardest, I whispered, “You flirt with Tyler one more time, I swear I’ll cut your fucking tongue out, old man.”
Humphrey’s head snapped up and he looked at me with a smile. “Ah, so we were listening. I had to say something to get your ugly mug to wake up. How long were you planning on staying here for? This isn’t a fucking vacation, you lazy piece of shit.”
I tried to push myself up, but it was painful. I couldn’t help but softly laugh at him, though. This was Humphrey all over. “And I love you, too.”
“You just missed Tyler. She’s been coming here every day. She even feels guilty every time she has to leave to look after Jeremy. I don’t know why she’s fussing about you.”
I knew he was just joking with me, but his words hit more than he realized. “I know.”
“I’ve met my little great nephew, but I daren’t call him little. I think he’s just as scary as his fucking pig-headed father.”
I smiled. I guess he was a little scary at times. More than a few times, Jimmy and I have had to sit on the naughty step because we accidently said a rude word, or did something he considered bad. And every fucking time, no matter what, Jimmy and I would do as he said.
“He certainly has some spunk, doesn’t he?”
Humphrey shook his head. “What makes it worse is that there’s no mistaking he’s your son. Apart from his hair, he’s like a replica of you. His eyes, his nose, his mouth…the same stern frown you have whenever you’re thinking about killing someone.”
I snorted. “I doubt very much Jeremy’s frowning for that reason.”
Humphrey huffed. “He is his father’s son, so who knows? He could be plotting the next greatest bank heist in that little brain of his.”
I tried to laugh again, but it hurt my chest. “Well, I’m not planning on him following in his father’s footsteps, by any fucking means.”
Humphrey cleared his throat. “Tyler’s done well by him.”
I smiled. “Yes, she has.”
Then I come and fucking spoil it all.
Humphrey got up. “Shall I go and call her back? She hasn’t been gone that long. I’m sure she wouldn’t hesitate to turn back around and—”
I shook my head slightly. “No. I don’t wish to speak with Tyler right now. I want you to get the surgeon who operated on me.”
Humphrey’s eyes widened. “You mean Tyler’s ex? I did hear about that. I mean, I’m all for you beating up her ex’s, but are you sure it should be done on the one who saved your life?”
I put my hand up. “I’m not fucking going to beat him, Humphrey. Have you not noticed that I’m a little incapacitated at the moment? I just need to speak with him about something. And I need you to make some plans for me, please.”
Humphrey’s eyes went wide. “Fuck me, it must be serious. The boy said please.”