Redemption(109)

“Dean…” I sighed. It was so hard to try and get the words out, but I had to. “Last time I was in a place like this, it was one of the worst days of my life. I thought I had experienced pain before, but nothing compares to today. Nothing compares to seeing you like this. I lost one of my best friends that day. Please don’t make me lose another one. I can’t take much more of it. I don’t want this anymore, Dean. I don’t want to carry on, wondering if I’ll ever lose you again. You have to fight, you have to stay alive, and you have to keep going for me. For Jeremy.” The tears slid down my face as I tried to wipe them away with one hand. I daren’t let go of him with the other. “Besides,” I said, laughing a little, “you still have some major sucking up to do.” I laughed a little more, then grew sad when all I was met with was the sound of the machines keeping him alive.

“You know the other day when I went to the mall with Jeremy? Well, on the way there, a song came on the radio and something had me listening to every word. It was only when it had ended that I realized it was meant for me. It was my song to you. That’s why you can’t leave me yet, Dean. Our song hasn’t ended. Not in a million years.”

I pulled my bag over and dug my phone out. “Once I found out who sang it, I downloaded it to my phone so that one day, at the right moment, I could play it for you. I suppose now is as good a time as any.” I looked down at my phone and scrolled through my songs. It wasn’t long before I got to the one I wanted.

With a sigh, I turned the volume down a little and pressed PLAY. I closed my eyes as Ella Henderson’s beautiful voice came through. I sat there listening, the tears running down my cheeks.

Bending down, I kissed the back of Dean’s hand. “The song is called “Yours”. I think you can see why it is my song to you. I am yours, Dean. I always have been and always will be. You have asked me time and time again to not ignore that fact and accept it into my heart. I have accepted it. I have accepted you because I am yours. There was never going to be any other way, but with you.” I felt a sob wretch through my chest at the thought I may never get to tell him again.

“You came here to find me, Dean. Well, you’ve got me now. Don’t you dare give up on me. You need to wake up so I can tell you every single day of our lives that I am yours. You need to stay and hear it. I need you to stay.” I gripped the sheets by his head as my breathing became labored. “Please, Dean. You can’t give up. You have to stay for me. You have to stay for our son. He needs you. He loves you. We can’t live without you.”

I took a few deep breaths and stroked his hand. “Jimmy is waiting outside. He wants to see you, but also wanted to let me have a few moments alone with you. I think he’s hoping that I would threaten your life if you ever dare leave me, so be prepared for him to say the same when he comes in.” I laughed again at the thought. “I won’t threaten your life, but I will let you know one thing. If you don’t fight for your life, Dean, then you’ll end up breaking my heart all over again. Do you want that? Do you want to see me broken again? Because I will be if you ever dare leave me. You promised you would give me the world if you could, but I don’t want the world. I just want you. If there is anything you would fight to give me, please just let it be you.” I inhaled deeply and tried my best to exhale as calmly as possible. It was hard pouring my heart out like this, and it was exhausting. I just wished he was awake to hear me.

After a couple minutes of trying to calm myself, I kissed his hand, smiled, and got up. “I better go get Jimmy now. He’s probably pacing the floor outside.” I stopped a moment and closed my eyes. “I love you, Dean…more than words can say.”







There was still no change the following day. It was heartbreaking, but I kept telling myself that no change meant he was still alive. He was still breathing.

Since yesterday, I had been home briefly to be with Jeremy for a while. I was torn. Jeremy needed me because of what he had been through but, at the same time, I needed to be at the hospital for Dean. Surprisingly, Jeremy was very calm after his ordeal. He was actually fighting me because he wanted to see Dean. I would give anything to let him see his father, but not now. Not when he looked as bad as he did. I could hardly take seeing him like that, let alone our three-year-old son. In the end, I had to tell Jeremy they wouldn’t allow children under twelve into the ICU and that he would have to wait until Dean was well-enough to leave the ward.

Once I spent some time at home, I went back to the hospital with the promise to Jeremy that I would be back as soon as I could. Once I got there, I was met by Jimmy coming out of the ICU.