“When can I see him?”
Evan sighed a little. “He has been taken to ICU. I normally wouldn’t allow friends to visit patients in the ICU, but I know you and will make an exception.”
I nodded with a smile. “Thank you, Evan. I can vouch for Jimmy, too. He is like family.” I smiled over at Jimmy and saw him beaming back. Was that pride I saw in his smile?
Evan suddenly looked toward Jimmy, then back at me. It was almost as if he wanted to say something to me, but didn’t want to with Jimmy in the room.
Jimmy sensed it and pointed to the door. “Erm, I’ll wait outside.”
I nodded and turned to Evan. “You look tired, Jessica. When was the last time you slept or ate anything?”
I had to smile. Evan was always thinking of others. “I think I can safely say that today has been the worst day of my life…and, believe me, I’ve had quite a few in my lifetime.” I laughed a little.
“How’s Jeremy?”
My smile vanished and I immediately felt the tears well. “He’s okay,” I croaked.
Evan put his arms out to me. “Come here.”
I walked into his embrace. I felt him sigh as I snuggled my head into his chest. Evan was always good at comforting. I had no doubt he would make a fantastic husband to someone. Maybe in another lifetime, I could have loved Evan with the passion he needed. It was just never going to happen with Dean in my life.
“There are so many things I want to say that I have no right to say to you anymore, but it hurts me to see you suffering like this. I wish I could be the one to take it all away. I wish… I don’t know. I just wish.” I felt him sigh again.
I looked up at him as the tears fell. “I’m so sorry, Evan.”
And I was. I was sorry I couldn’t give him what he needed from me. I was sorry I couldn’t accept his comfort and offer him mine in return. I was sorry I couldn’t be the woman he so desperately wanted. And I was so, so damn sorry I couldn’t love him the way he obviously loved me.
I really did want to love him in the beginning. When it got to that stage in our relationship, there was nothing more I wanted than to accept Evan into my heart. But Dean was always determined to make himself be the only man in my life. That one little wink when I was six was what did it for me. Just one little tiny wink and my life was set in stone. No other man could ever come close to Dean…and he made damn sure of it.
“You don’t have to be sorry, Jessica. I understand. I don’t like it, I must admit, but I do understand.” I nodded and he frowned a little. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Anything.”
Evan looked away as if feeling discomfort. He eventually managed to calm himself and looked back at me. “Does…does this change anything? I mean, with what’s happened now?”
I was fairly certain I knew what he was talking about. I suppose it should change things, but since Dean found me all those weeks ago, it had only sealed it for me. He was it, pure and simple.
“I suppose it should change things, but it doesn’t. I can’t… I won’t…” My god, it was hard. How do I tell Evan, without hurting him, that I loved Dean so much?
Evan smiled and saved me. “I know. I wish it wasn’t so, but I know.” He averted his eyes and stepped away from our embrace. “I…I’d better get back to work.” He motioned to the door and smiled. He was hesitating, but I knew why. I think he knew that he shouldn’t stay. It was just harder on the both of us.
“I know. You have other lives to save.” I smiled brightly and watched as he walked to the door. “Goodbye, Evan.” With his hand on the door, Evan abruptly stopped. I watched as he hung his head before sharply inhaling a breath. With one tug of the door, he was gone.
I hated being the one to break his heart. I hated standing here and ripping the Band-Aid off him with a violent tear. It had to be done, though, for both our sakes.
Once he was out the door, Jimmy timidly opened it with a smile. “Are you ready?”
I sighed. “As I’ll ever be.”
I walked out past him, but Jimmy touched my shoulder. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”
I shook my head. “No. Evan could never hurt me. We just both said some things that needed saying.”
Jimmy sighed and looked conflicted. “I don’t want you thinking I’m asking because of Dean. I guess I’m just…”
“Looking out for me?” I finished for him.
He smiled brightly. “Yes, exactly.”
I held out my hand. “Come on, Jimmy. Let’s go see our pain in the ass.”
He laughed, but took my hand. “I’ll second that.” We started walking, then he looked at me with an amused glint in his eyes. “It’s good to see you using humor again. I was starting to worry about you.”