Forgive him.
And I did. I forgave him time and time again because, no matter what, Dean was my weakness. I couldn’t live without him.
After Jimmy’s phone call, I collapsed in Tara’s arms and she held me as the last twelve hours came tumbling out like a whirlwind. Once she comforted me and I dried my eyes, Tara told me to go to the hospital and that she would look after Jeremy. No doubt exhausted, he had fallen asleep not long after we came home. I felt angry at Dean for putting our son through all of this, but when Jeremy looked at me with those big blue eyes of his and said “I found him” just before he fell asleep, I knew. It wasn’t just about me anymore. We were a family, and family makes decisions together. There was no way I could let Dean go now because there was no way Jeremy would let Dean go. He had to hold on. He had to fight. We had to remain a family. That was the only way we could get through all this.
But first, Dean had to live. He had to stay strong. I wish I could tell him as much but, unfortunately, I had been sitting in the hospital for the last three hours, waiting and hoping to find out some news on Dean’s condition. He had been rushed straight into surgery the minute he arrived and I hadn’t heard anything since.
I had Jimmy with me, though. He had been my rock. He had held my hand, asked me if I wanted coffee, talked to me about anything. No wonder Tara loved him so much. I think I was falling in love with him myself. He was definitely part of our family now. Big Uncle Jimmy. The thought made me smile.
“What are you smiling at?”
I looked up to see Jimmy’s tired, but eager face. He wore a smile like me. It was a genuine, but hard smile. A smile that hid what he was truly feeling.
“I was just thinking about your nickname, courtesy of our little rascal.”
Jimmy laughed. “You mean Dean’s mini-me? He looks just like him.” I nodded, and Jimmy came to sit back down next to me. “He’ll get through this. I told him I’d kill him if he didn’t.”
I started laughing. “You two are something else.”
Jimmy raised his eyebrow. “He called me a pansy just before he fell unconscious.”
I started laughing harder. “Even under those circumstances, you two are still calling each other names.”
Jimmy shrugged. “I think I got a bit too in touch with my feelings. He was trying to make me come back to earth. I think calling me a pansy was the only way he knew how.” He winced a little, like there was more to the story than what he was telling me. I didn’t want to know. Whatever Dean had to say, he could tell me himself once he got through this. He had to get through this.
“Man, I fucking hate hospitals.” Jimmy stood up again and started pacing a little before sitting back down.
I felt bad for him. “Why don’t you go back home to Tara? I’ll call if there’s any news.”
He shook his head. “I don’t want to leave you alone. Besides, I want to know the minute he gets out of surgery.”
I nodded, not saying anything else. If that was what he wanted, I wasn’t going to sit here arguing with him.
“Last time I was waiting around in a hospital was when my girlfriend died.”
The room was so silent, you could have cut the tension with a knife. Jimmy was leaning back in his seat, staring up at the ceiling with tears in his eyes. It was so strange to see, considering he always looked so tough. He was just a big teddy bear underneath.
“I’m sorry to hear that. How old was she?”
Jimmy sighed and looked at me. “Twenty-two. She wanted to be a midwife.” He laughed. “Go figure, ha? I guess I can’t keep away from a girl in uniform.” He laughed again, then looked back at the ceiling for a moment. “She always loved babies. I would have given her twenty of them if she wanted. I only wanted to make her happy, but then we got into this huge fight and I let her leave to cool off. Worse mistake of my life. That’s why I was determined to help Dean fight for you. I didn’t want either of you to end up like me.”
Jimmy went on to tell me more about Grace and what happened. At the end, he sighed, closing his eyes. I placed my hand on his and gave it a squeeze. His eyes opened and he stared back at me with a smile.
“I’m glad Tara’s got you.”
Jimmy smiled. “I love her.”
I nodded. “I know you do. I also know she loves you, too.”
The smile on his face lit up all his features. He was in love and not afraid who knew it. I had to smile back because it was hard not to.
“You and Dean… You have so much history together. He told me all about you when you were kids. He said he was waiting for you so that you could be together. Knowing everything I know now, it’s like reading from a tragic love story. You should write a book about it.”