Over the past couple weeks, he’d been kind, considerate, affectionate, and everything she’d ever wanted in a man if she had bothered to make a list with the exception of one thing—love her. She could kick, scream and throw a tantrum, but she couldn’t hate him for not loving her or reciprocating her feelings. It wouldn’t be fair. She couldn’t expect him to control his heart, and, unfortunately, his heart told him he still loved Bre.
Now, the ball was in her court. She could either accept what he offered, knowing it would never be what she wanted it to be or she could walk away and hope her feelings for Cam eventually faded with time and distance. Just the thought of either of those options caused her heart to drop to her stomach.
Standing up, she walked to the bathroom to get ready for the concert tonight. She’d give herself five days to decide. She could go with Cam after the tour or maybe she’d move back in with Evelyn in her old room. Evelyn texted her last week saying the room was still open and Natalie had moved out of the building. Miles never had to know that she was back, and if he did find out, she’d find a way to keep him out of her life. In Seattle she had job leads, ones that didn’t involve using her brother’s name. And even though she swore she’d never go back, she didn’t know if she could handle being Cam’s second choice either.
Before stepping into the shower, she sent Evelyn a text.
Taylor: Chasing Ruin will be in Seattle in five days. If you want to go, I’ll leave you a ticket at will call.
Evelyn texted her before she could set the phone down on the bathroom counter.
Evelyn: Will I be sitting with you?
Taylor smiled.
Taylor: No. I have to work during the show. I’ll leave a backstage pass for you too.
It wasn’t the truth. The guys would let her sit where she wanted during the show, but if she decided to walk away from Cam in five days, she wanted to watch Cam from backstage one more time and drink him into her soul before cutting all ties with him.
Evelyn: Can you leave two tickets/backstage passes? Please. You owe me. :)
Taylor: Sure, but only because I owe you…otherwise you’d be SOL.
Evelyn: BTW I saw a picture of you and Cam in Vegas on the internet…
Taylor’s heart nearly jumped out of her chest. Please be harmless.
Taylor: So? What’s your point?
Evelyn: You two looked involved.
Taylor: Involved???
Evelyn: You know…very into each other. Miles is pissed. He stopped by to ask if anything happened between you two.
Not sure she wanted to answer the question, Taylor dropped her phone on the counter and tested the temperature of the water. Her phone buzzed two more times. Apparently, she wouldn’t give up until she answered.
Evelyn: Hello?
Evelyn: Don’t ignore me.
Taylor: Cam and I are friends.
Evelyn: What kind of friends?
Taylor: Not your business, but just friends.
Taylor turned off her phone. She didn’t want to talk about Cam and Evelyn wouldn’t stop until she had details.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Taylor didn’t see Cam again before the show that night. By the time he finished sorting out the logistics of the unique stage configuration, she already left the hotel. She decided to spend the afternoon shopping for some new clothes. When Alec asked her to meet Chasing Ruin on tour, she had stuffed as much as she could into her small suitcase, but she was in serious need of some variety. She couldn’t stand the thought of picking something out from her small medley of choices for one more day and she could use some shopping therapy.
Beyond finding new clothes, she really wanted to change the hair color of the small streak near her face. Cam liked it blue. He said it matched her eyes, but she decided to do something a little different. After thirty minutes of deliberation, she dyed it lavender. At first she wasn’t sure she liked it, but by the time she finished getting ready for the show, it had grown on her. She may not do it again, but she couldn’t deny that it looked good with her silver silk halter-top and her black skinny jeans.
The last thing she’d done before she took a cab to concert was check into another room in the hotel. She didn’t want to spend the night in Cam’s bed again. She didn’t know how she would explain it to him, but she needed distance if she wanted to make the right decision by the time they reached Seattle. The minute she crawled into bed with Cam or kissed him, she knew she’d never have the strength to resist him. He was her kryptonite.
By the time she arrived at the concert venue, Chasing Ruin only had a few songs left in the show. Part of her regretted not soaking up every second she could of their performance when so few remained, but the other part of her liked that she took the entire day taking care of herself and her needs. She needed to put herself first for once. She hadn’t done that with Miles and she didn’t want to make the same mistake with Cam.