Redeeming You(38)

In a blind panic, she stood up and pulled her shirt over her head. “Thanks for tonight. I had fun,” she said, cringing even as she pasted a big, fat phony smile on her face. “I’m tired. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Cam sat up, his feet hanging off the side of his bed, his face . . . confused. “You’re leaving? That’s it?”

Her pants and shoes in one hand, she paused with her other hand on the door between their adjoining hotel rooms. She shrugged, but she didn’t know if he could see her in the dimly lit room. “We should probably sleep in separate rooms. It’s less complicated that way.”

“I don’t want you to leave.” Standing up, he walked toward her, stopping only inches from her and she wanted to throw her arms around him and tell him she didn’t want to leave either, but there was only so much of Cam her heart could take in one night without developing a full blown, unhealthy addiction to him, his charming smile and his fantasy inducing lips.

“Cam,” she said, his name sounding more like a sigh than a word. “I’m not good at this.”

“I disagree,” he said, brushing his lips across hers and her traitorous body had the nerve to tremble. “You were very good at it.” His hands moved under her shirt, caressing the sides of her stomach and breasts, leaving trails of fire under his fingertips. “Are you doubting yourself? Maybe I didn’t show you how much I enjoyed it. Can I have a do over?” She could feel his lips smiling against hers. Damn him. Did she have to be putty in his hands?

She leaned into him, inhaling his woodsy scent now mixed with the smell of her and sex. Nothing had ever smelled better. “That’s not what I meant.”

“No?” he said, his fingers torturing her nipples in the best possible way and the growing desire of her body warred with the damning logic of her weary mind. She desperately wanted her body to win, but she couldn’t be weak. Weak wouldn’t get her anywhere. She was weak with her mom and Miles. They trampled her and she promised herself she wouldn’t put herself in that position again. She needed to be in control.

“Stop,” she mumbled, her voice breathless and husky from the need already building in her. Even she realized her plea was halfhearted and part of her wanted him to ignore her objection. Cam dropped his hands to his sides and she wanted to beg him to put them back on her, but her mouth wouldn’t form the words. Be strong. Be strong, she whispered in her mind repeatedly.

He rested his forehead against hers. “Tay, can you explain what’s going on right now because I don’t get it. One minute, you’re in this with me and the next, you’re walking out the door like you can’t stand looking at me.”

“What’s wrong with that? Isn’t that how you handle these things? You fuck and then you kick them out the door. I’m only following the script. I didn’t write it. You did that all on your own.”

Cam stepped back, his face contorted in anger and maybe a little hurt too, but she couldn’t tell. She was too caught up in her own fears to see him clearly. Mentally, she was back in that place where her mom told her she was worthless and ugly and no one would ever want her. Even though she realized it wasn’t rational, she had never been able to fully shake her mom’s words. They haunted her and held her back from investing her heart in anything.

“I don’t think we’re on the same page. Is that what this was about? Just a causal one-time fuck. No strings, nothing?” he asked, his voice icy and hard.

She shrugged, feigning indifference even though her heart climbed into her throat, ready to explode. “I don’t know. Isn’t that your M.O.? You’re not exactly the type I should expect more from, right? I mean look at your history. It’s not very promising. I would be dumb to expect anything more.” The words were like acid falling off her tongue. She didn’t believe any of that. Cam was so much more than his history and his bad boy act and that was exactly why she needed to reestablish some boundaries. He wouldn’t want someone like her—someone with a truckload of insecurities and a battered sense of self-worth. She wasn’t good enough for him.

Cam stalked back to the edge of his bed, shoving his legs into his pants with so much force she thought they might rip. “Get out,” he said, his voice deadly calm, like ice. She didn’t move. He took two steps toward her and she involuntarily flinched. The anger emanating from him was so present and tangible that she could suffocate in it.

He slammed his hand against the wall next to her head as though he couldn’t stand the sight of her and he probably couldn’t. Nobody could. “Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Room.” Each word came out of his beautiful lips with so much anger and betrayal, she felt the shattered pieces of her heart breaking even more. Could a heart turn into dust? It sure as hell felt like it.