PROLOGUE
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
Groaning, Cam pulled his fingers away from his face and looked up at Alec. “Why are you still here? I thought you and Marcus had plans? Some bar or something.” He’d just watched the love of his life close the door on him and their past forever. He didn’t feel like being social.
“Marcus found something better to do.” Alec sat down on the black plastic chair next to him and handed him a beer.
“Let me guess . . .” Cam opened the beer and took a sip. “The blonde with the red dress.”
“You might be right.” Alec drummed his fingers on his thigh. His hands were always moving as if he needed the constant motion. “You want to get out of here? There’s a party if you’re interested.”
“You go ahead. I’m not in the mood.”
Alec stood up and put his hand on his hips. Cam could tell he had something to say, but he really wasn’t in the mood to talk, not tonight.
“You need to let Bre go.”
Un-fuckin’-believable, could this day get any worse? Cam drained the rest of his beer and tossed the bottle in the trash. “I’m pretty sure I did that a year ago,” Cam responded humorlessly.
“Sure, you blessed their relationship or whatever, but you never gave up hope that you two would end up together.”
“Doesn’t matter. She’s marrying Jax. She loves him.” Saying those words out loud literally made his chest ache. He’d known that she hadn’t been his for over a year, but time hadn’t diminished his pain. Would there ever be a day when he didn’t regret the way he treated her, when he didn’t want her back?
“You’re right, she does and Jax loves her.” Alec rocked back on his heels. “More than you ever did.”
“You don’t know shit,” Cam said, his hands balling into fists. He’d loved Bre since the day she moved in next door. He’d loved her for fourteen fucking years and even now, when she’d agreed to marry one of his best friends, he still couldn’t stop loving her. Like a good friend, he smiled and wished her all of the happiness in the world. He was pathetic.
“If you really loved her, you would have never touched another woman, not once. You only love the idea of her.”
Cam looked away unable to hold Alec’s dark stare. Alec didn’t need to tell him he was asshole. He already told himself that every day. “I always loved her. I just never deserved her.”
Without saying another word, he walked away. He had to get Bre out of his mind, out of his heart before he went insane. He just didn’t know how to do it. He’d tried other women, alcohol and a few other things he was ashamed to admit, but her amber eyes still haunted his thoughts. He needed to get his shit together.
CHAPTER ONE
Six months later…
What the fuck was that noise? Cam rolled to his side, and he fell off the bed. Opening his eyes, he groaned at the light streaming through the windows of his hotel room. His entire body hurt. His mouth felt dry and tasted like an ashtray. Why did he start smoking? That's right: because his life fucking sucked.
Chasing Ruin exploded on the music scene as the next big thing, and his personal life simultaneously spiraled into a pile of shit faster than he thought possible. He looked around the room trying to remember what city he was in today. Unfortunately, nothing looked familiar and he didn’t remember a single thing about the previous night.
“Cam! What the fuck? Open the door.”
Cam covered his face with his hands intending to ignore Jax’s constant pounding and yelling outside his door. He’d been riding his ass for the last month and he didn’t want to hear his lectures anymore. He had Bre. Wasn’t that enough?
Cam’s hands patted the floor looking for something to cover his ears and his hand landed on a used condom. Even when he was fucked out of his mind, he never forgot to use one. Visions of bleach blonde hair with dark roots tickled the back of his mind, but no other reminders of the not so lucky woman from last night were visible. He must have kicked her out before he fell asleep. At least he had enough sense in his drunken state to be firm about not letting a woman sleep in his bed. Waking up next to strangers magnified his hangover and his feeling of worthlessness tenfold and he didn’t need any help in that department. If they were gone when he woke up, he could almost pretend it didn’t happen instead of adding it to his growing list of mistakes.
“Open the fucking door! Now!” Jax yelled.
Cam stood up, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror near the bed as he walked to the door. He looked like hell. His eyes were bloodshot. Dark circles etched the skin under his eyes from a combination of lack of sleep and overindulgence in…everything. To top it off, he had faint scratches on his chest courtesy of one of the groupies he indulged in last night. He needed to make that another one of his rules: No marking his skin. He didn’t want to remember them after they walked out his door.