Red Jack closed his eyes. Was Sam suggesting he should continue as long as no one knew? “I was… But there was no one there on that road. It was the middle of the night, and he was in an accident, and I lost it…” Even thinking about Loki getting wrecked in a car had his heartbeat quickening.
“Yeah, he had that fucking nosebleed again.” Sam scratched his head and exhaled the smoke. “You can’t let yourself go again. You know what could happen if the others find out.”
They could flip and kill Red Jack for the disgrace, they could strip him of his patches which would be the end of Red Jack’s life as he knew it. He’d be completely alone, stripped of everything he’d worked for for the last ten years. “They’ve got it on tape, Sam… I’m as good as dead.”
Sam gasped. “Shit.” He drove in silence for a good ten seconds, but with each moment, Red Jack could sense the tension raising in the car. “What are you going to do? Are they gonna out you?”
“I don’t know. Is that even legal?” Red Jack groaned. He was not about to tell Sam about the Pax-bitch. Maybe he could still do something about it.
Sam sighed. “Yeah, maybe the guys that took you didn’t make the connection, or something.” He rubbed his face. “Jack, since when? All those girls... You had the hots for my Candy...”
“I don’t know. I guess I’m just messed up and horny for anything that’s hot. I wasn’t lying. I’m not gay. I like pussy. I mean… I love pussy. You know how wrapped up in Lucy I was. I love being between a girl’s legs, seeing her tits jiggle… you know. Fucking.” Red Jack took a deep breath. “And it’s different with a guy, but hot too.”
“Bisexual. Right.” Sam burned through a third of the cigarette in one go. “And now it’s a guy. What are you gonna do? I don’t think it’ll fly.”
Red Jack swallowed and lit himself another smoke from the one he was finishing. “He’s got brain cancer.”
Sam looked at him, his face slack. “Oh, fuck... you for real?”
Red Jack massaged his forehead with his knuckles, annoyed by the itching in his eyes. “Yeah, doctors don’t even know how much he has left. So I can’t just… keep things slow, or push him away for a few weeks. He might not have the few weeks.” There weren’t enough cigarettes in the world to help Red Jack now.
Sam shook his head, and the way his hand suddenly squeezed Red Jack’s shoulder helped him to finally relax into the seat. “Man, I’m so fucking sorry. Really, I am.”
Red Jack sighed but then just replaced the air with more smoke in his lungs. But as hard as this conversation was, he was relieved. Someone was willing to listen and not pass judgement. He felt pounds lighter, even if it didn’t solve any of his problems. “We’ve got this connection, you know?” Losing Loki was becoming all too real, and he didn’t know how to cope with it. Hadn’t losing Keith been enough?
“What are you gonna do? I mean, I think the other guys believe you two are related, so that should be fine.”
“I don’t know. Take it one day at a time, I guess.”
Sam chewed on his lip. “You don’t look it.”
It took Red Jack a long moment to understand what Sam wanted to say. “Fucking hell, Samson! Fuck you!”
“What? I’m not good at this emotional bullshit! You know that!” growled Sam. “You’re my brother, I’m gonna stand by you, but I’m not a doctor.”
“So what? You think a doctor could tell that a part of me is a fag? Christ!”
“No, you just seemed so fucking worried. I don’t think anyone suspects what’s going on with you two.”
“Oh. Okay.” That was a relief. Even if everything would change in forty-eight hours.
They drove in silence until Sam took a turn toward Red Jack’s house. Loki would be there, waiting for him.
Sam’s voice cut through Red Jack’s thoughts, bringing him back to reality. “Did you ever think of me like that?”
He frowned and looked at Sam, taken aback. “Are you for real? You’re my brother. I just— what the hell? Stupid fucking question.”
Sam raised his hand. “Just needed to make sure. I love you, man... just not that way.”
“I haven’t seen your dick once, and you don’t see me complaining,” Red Jack hissed, but then couldn’t help a smirk. “I’ll leave the complaining to Candy.”
Sam laughed out loud as he stopped the car in front of the house. “You wish. Just stay the night at ours, and you’ll hear she’s pretty enthusiastic about my junk.”