He shook his head. “My parents have always maintained they’d do it again even knowing the future.”
“Because they love each other. When you love someone, you take the good with the bad.” She blinked back the burning in her eyes and pinched her nose to ward off the tears. “My father lost my mother in childbirth. Don’t you think it weighs on me? If I hadn’t been born, my mother would’ve lived. My parents would’ve had years of happiness together.”
As a child, she’d worried that if she reminded her father that she was responsible for her mother’s death, he’d stop loving her and would send her away. When she’d grown older, she’d known her father would never have done that. He’d loved her. Eventually, she’d shared her thoughts with Roman, who’d convinced her she wasn’t responsible. Who did Cole have to confide in?
He stalked to her. “I don’t have to know your mother to know she would’ve gladly sacrificed her life for yours and she would’ve never regretted it. And I know how much your father loved you. He never blamed you. He never blamed anyone for her death.” He clutched her shoulders and leaned toward her. “It was a terrible tragedy, but he got something so precious out of it. You. You aren’t responsible for her death, Danielle.”
“Then how can you believe your parents feel any different? When you love someone, you accept the good, the bad, and the ugly. You take someone in sickness and in health because it’s better to spend your days with someone you love than endure a lifetime of loneliness. Miracles happen every day. To live your life in fear and without love is as great a tragedy as my mother’s death.”
He wiped his hand across his lips and once again moved away from her, this time picking up his vest off the floor. “Do you want to know why I named this club Benediction? Because when I learned I inherited the disease, I lost my faith, and without it, I lost my reason for waking up each morning. BDSM gave me back some semblance of control in my life. When a woman submits to me, she places her trust in me, and I become her higher power. To me, that’s a blessing. It’s as close to believing in God as I’m ever going to get. I believe the tangible truth of science, and that says it’s only a matter of time before I go completely blind.”
“Are you sure it’s genetic?”
“With Stargardt disease, if both parents carry the gene—”
“Then there’s a chance you won’t pass the disease on to a child.” Why would he deny himself the chance of love and happiness based on a possibility?
He rested his back against the wall, the ruins of his beautiful art at his feet. “What am I going to do? Test every woman I want to date and only follow through on the ones who don’t carry the marker? Somehow I don’t think it would go over well. Besides, it will never get that far because I refuse to place the burden of caring for me on anyone I love.”
Suddenly, it all made sense to her. She understood why Cole thought he couldn’t get married or have children and why he’d found solace in BDSM.
He was scared.
She marched to him and poked him in the chest. “You won’t burden your family, but it’s acceptable to ask for help from a slave. That’s your plan, isn’t it? Rather than depend on those who love and care about you, you’ll settle for those who find pleasure in service to you. People like Gracie and Adrian. Is that why you started this training program? Are you auditioning slaves?”
“No,” he whispered, his voice raspy.
She didn’t believe him. She had no doubt he’d told her the truth when he’d said his main purpose in forming Benediction had been to give back and provide service to the BDSM community. But it also couldn’t be a coincidence he chose to train slaves as part of it.
“Why wouldn’t you hire a nurse?” She snorted. “Hell, you probably could afford your own hospital.”
“I’m not sick. Nurses are for those with an illness.”
“I don’t disagree,” she said softly. “I’m sure there’s a world of options for someone like you who can afford it. What does your father do?”
“He and my mom bought a small condo near the beach, and he’s got one of those dogs for the blind. A golden retriever.” He laughed. “My whole childhood I wanted a dog, and they refused because Mom’s allergic.”
She took his hands in hers. “We make sacrifices for the ones we love. But because of your fear, you’re making a sacrifice no one expects from you.”
His brows furrowed. “Fear? Me?”