Dad cornered me in my room a few minutes later with Josh in tow. I rolled my eyes at my brother. He’d probably blabbed and now dad was going to ask me a million and one questions about my feelings. That’s the thing about our parents, they let us pretty much do our thing but when it came to serious shit they were all over it. I know I’d scared him and mom with my behavior of late. That on top of the way things had gone down when Josh wasn’t talking to Carrie and Nessa and I had pulled the family card and he’d ripped us new ones was probably too much.
“I hear we’ve got the college situation squared away finally. I’m glad you got your head out your ass on your own son. Your mother and I were going to take care of it for you but it’s good you came to your senses on your own.”
“It wasn’t me, it was your new daughter and your nosy ass son.” Josh gave me the finger and dropped down next to me snagging my ball in the air. I elbowed him on principal for siccing dad on my ass. “Whatever so long as it’s done; now as you know that’s your mother’s and my old alma mater. We know from our conversation with your brother and his wife that the three of you are going to be living together so your mother and I have been looking for a place up there for you.”
“Dad that won’t be necessary, I’m still not sure about the living arrangements…”
“Don’t pay him any attention dad, we’re rooming together. What did you and mom find? Carrie and I have been looking at condos and apartments but there doesn’t seem to be anything that fits our needs. Nothing close enough to campus anyway.”
“In a situation like this it’s all about who you know son. We found you guys a nice little starter home right off campus. It has three and a half bedrooms so when your mom and I come to check up on you we can all stay together.” He smirked and rubbed my head. What the fuck?
I felt my shoulders relax a little bit, at least he wasn’t here about Kadyn; I don’t think I’m ready for that conversation yet. Dad’s worst than Josh when he gets his teeth into something and I needed time to get things straight in my head first. I figured I’d relaxed too soon when he cleared his throat and eyeballed me. Shit.
“So what’s going on with the girl at the diner?”
I glared over at Josh who was pretending that he hadn’t heard what dad said.
“Don’t look at him, your mom and I have been eavesdropping around the house. We pick up stuff.”
“Damn dad you snooping?” what the hell? I come from a family of snoops.
“It’s not snooping son, here lately you’ve been acting strange and we had no other way of getting to you. This was the only recourse left to us, so tell.”
“Nothing’s going on, I don’t even know the girl.” My gut hurt when I said that and I wasn’t too jazzed about the way dad was looking at me.
“Son we haven’t had a chance to really talk about what happened with Patricia.”
“Dad…” I started to cut him off but should’ve known better. Seems like being lost inside my own head I’d lost touch with the way things ran in my family.
“I know you’re not about to shush me boy, now listen. What happened happened. It was unfortunate in more ways than one but nobody blames you for any of it. You were always sure that she was the one but I knew different.”
“What do you mean you knew?” I sat up straight for this one, this was the first I’d ever heard of this. “Why did you never say anything before then?”
“Because you’re my son and it’s what you wanted at the time. Nothing wrong with a young man having a girlfriend, I just always knew she wasn’t your one. Now from what little I’ve gathered you seem to be on the road to the real thing and so you don’t make a muck of it the way your brother did…”
“Hey.” Josh threw the ball at dad, which he snagged in the air.
“Boy you were a maniac, let’s not pretend otherwise. Now Matthew I expect you to have a little more sense and handle this situation like a Steele. There’s no need to be afraid of this girl whoever she is. Let me ask you this first; how does she make you feel?”
I looked at him and then at my brother who was suddenly very interested in the conversation. I felt like I was on the damn couch being analyzed. Who talked about their feelings and shit with their dad? He seemed to understand my discomfort because his next words went right to the heart of the matter.
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, this is very important. If this girl is the one for you then you have to look at the situation through different eyes. First you have to put the whole Patti thing behind you, you need to move on. The sin was hers it was never yours; your life didn’t end because she turned out to be a…whatever she is. I won’t have any son of mine beating up on himself over something he had no control over. Be a Steele son we have of our own code, we don’t stay down for long and nothing beats us.”
“Dad I don’t know what I feel okay; I just, I need time to get my thoughts together. I don’t even know if I want to get involved.”
“The choice might not be yours son; fair enough, just know that if you need to talk your mother and I are always here. Now back to the school thing, we’re going to have to take a weekend soon and head up there and get things rolling. School will be starting before you know it.”
“Summer just started old man take it easy. I want to hear some more about Mattie’s woman troubles.”
“Shut up you ass; okay thanks dad.” He turned and left the room leaving me and the nosy one alone. “What have you guys been saying around here to set him on my ass?”
“Not me bro, must be the girls.”
“Your wife is as bad as you are. Now mom’s gonna be on my ass about this shit next. Why are you so sure that I like this girl anyway?”
“Been there done that bro. The way you reacted to her is a sure sign that she’s already got her hooks in you and you haven’t even really got to know her as yet. You want to do some sort of search on her?”
“Not yet I’m still deciding whether or not I want to go there.”
“Don’t think too long bro, like dad said the choice might not be yours. If she tears you up inside the way Lamb did me you’re fucked.”
He left after imparting that sage advice, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
For two days her reaction plagued me. We never did go for ice cream that night because Carrie wasn’t feeling well and there was no way Josh was going to leave her side. The guy is like a fucking tyrant when it comes to his wife. Dad must’ve told him a thousand times that she was okay it was just a little set back from her illness, but the way he carried on you’d think she was given a death sentence.
I kept driving into town for a glimpse of her and feeling lost when I didn’t get one. I went to bed at night thinking about her and woke up the same. She’s succeeded in getting my mind off my past fuck up, now my every thought was of her and what she was doing to me. Dad’s talk had helped a little in easing the lingering guilt and the feeling that I’d let my family down somehow. That still didn’t mean I was ready to run out and jump back on that horse again.
I can’t believe I’m actually a little apprehensive about where this was going. One minute I would think it was too soon and the next I was wondering what if. My nosy ass family seemed to think it was a done deal though no one was bringing it up. I could tell from their behavior that they had already made up their minds. Mom was into giving me secret smiles and kissing my cheek every chance she got, calling me her baby boy and shit.
Josh keeps giving me these looks when he thinks I’m not looking, and he and Carrie are always on my ass these days about my look. I got my haircut for the first time in weeks and Carrie was playing fashion police. And everyone was suddenly very interested in my social calendar. I have no interest in swimming in those shark-infested waters again any time soon but I have to be honest. Something’s going on, I just wish like fuck I knew what that something was.
Chapter 6
KADYN
Just another day, same as the one before but at least it was new. That’s the way I wake up these days. Gone were the days when I awakened with hope and excitement of things to come. I was happy to just make it through the day in one piece with no new crap on my plate. Well that was true until a few days ago, when that overgrown behemoth came into my life. He wasn’t even in my life really. I only knew his name because I’d heard his friends call him by it. We hadn’t officially met or anything, not even the day he accosted me on the street. He was so angry, seems that’s the only kind I attract. I must have some sort of defect or something.
That’s why it was best that I stayed the course and hold fast to the decisions I’d made. Never mind that it would destroy every dream I’d ever had of marriage and babies and a loving husband. It was easier this way, better. I’d been feeling so safe here too, having my dad at my back as a shield between me and my past has helped me to put one foot in front of the other. But with this new development, I’m not sure if that’s true any longer.