“Um, I’m not sure about school, I mean I had planned on taking some time off before heading to college. Maybe taking some online courses or something like that.”
I got the sense that that decision had a lot to do with the secrets she was keeping. “That’s not gonna work kitten. How are your grades?”
“My grades? They’re fine I have a four point oh.” Smart then, that was good, that will fit in perfectly with where my head was going. If she hadn’t been as smart I would’ve needed dad’s help in getting her in. As it stands with grades like that she could get in on her own, I would only need his help in getting her a special dispensation because of the lateness of her application.
It didn’t bother me to be sitting there planning her life without even asking her what she wanted. Now I see why Josh had gone off the rails, why he’d gone after Carrie as he had and refused to let go. Hopefully Kadyn and I would be spared the upheaval of their relationship; that is if this secret of hers didn’t entail something I was going to have to get involved in.
My suspicions were already running rampant through my mind. She’d said she hadn’t been hurt in the way I’d suspected but what did that mean? There were so many ways for a young girl to be hurt. I’d learned that with the whole situation surrounding Carrie’s abduction and the things that had come to light about the man who had taken her. In this small town alone last year he had raped and murdered a number of young innocent girls just for the hell of it. Who’s to say what horrors kitten had endured? I was beginning to regret my promise to give her time.
“Apart from this thing that you’re not ready to talk about, is there anything stopping you from being with me? And I don’t mean the usual female hang-ups and bullshit.” She looked at me like she had no idea what I was saying. That makes two of us.
“I guess what I’m asking is if there’s someone or something stopping you from getting involved? And before you answer I think it only fair to warn you that I mean to have you no matter what.”
“I don’t think that’s the way relationships are supposed to work Matthew.”
“I don’t know shit about relationships Kadyn. I had one girlfriend since I was about fourteen or fifteen. We knew each other before we got together, but this is different. This is nothing like that; I don’t want it to be anything like that. The way you make me feel is all- new, never felt anything like it before in my life. When I look at you something strange happens inside me, fuck if I know what it is or what it means.”
“I don’t think I understand.”
“I’ll try to explain then. When I look at you or think about you my mind and my heart does weird shit. One minute I want to grab you and kiss the shit out of you and the next I want to shake you because I don’t want these feelings. Does that make sense to you?”
“I guess, but I guess I don’t get why it’s so important to you, I mean we don’t even know each other…”
“None of that matters, I know what I feel, maybe it’s because you came into my life at a time when I felt like I was drowning I don’t know. But whatever you’re packing packs a punch.”
“Why were you drowning?”
“That’s a conversation for another time, some time soon when we’re alone together I’ll tell you the whole sordid tale. So you never answered my question. Is there something standing in our way?”
“Not that I know of.” her hand was really shaking now but I pretended not to notice, just held it tighter.
“Back to the school thing, you’re gonna need your manuscripts from your high school…” I cut myself off when she froze up on me again. “Kadyn, what is it?” She hung her head down and shook it in the negative but I wasn’t about to give up that easily. “Talk to me, why can’t you get your manuscripts from school, didn’t you graduate?”
“He’ll find me if I try.”
Those words spoken so softly were like a bucket of cold water in the face. My gut did its usual churning thing and my fighting instinct kicked in. “Who Kadyn, who is he?” She looked at me with such pleading in her eyes that it tore at my heart. I wanted to snatch her up and leave, take her home and lock her away to protect her. Somehow I knew instinctively that that’s what she needed, but why, and from what, who?
She didn’t make any move to answer my question and I found myself losing patience. Chill Matt, you promised her time. Yeah but that was before she threw that shit in the mix. I didn’t push her any farther but now I was sure that I wouldn’t wait for her to tell me. Sitting there holding her hand, sensing the angst in her, the slight tremble in her frame it was as if the old Matt had found his balls. Something had happened to her of that much I was sure. I’d known it that day on the sidewalk, had almost sensed the fear, so why had I just walked away?
What the fuck had I been doing in the last few weeks anyway? How had I let myself become that guy? Had I really given Patti that much power over me? Had I been so blind that I hadn’t seen it? Whatever! This shit was finally opening my eyes. It was time to get my head out of my ass; I have to get out of here first though. I needed time alone to get my shit together, that’s when I do my best thinking these days it seems. When I’m locked away in my room with no distractions and this shit needed all my attention. What a time for me to come back to myself. It wasn’t lost on me that weeks of searching and questioning had done nothing to clear my head but her reaction had worked as a catalyst of sorts.
“I’m taking you home I have some things to do and I’m not leaving you here.” I stood and got Josh’s attention in the water. He and the others came out and joined us. “What’s up bro?” he dried his hair sending water all over us.
“Something came up we need to go.” He looked at me knowingly before nodding. No one was put out by the early leave even though I offered to have Kadyn drop me off home so they could stay. “ Nah we came together we leave together, besides we did what we came for.” He grinned at his wife.
“I’ll ride with Kadyn, you guys follow me and I’ll ride home with you.”
“Sounds good.”
When we got to the car she was driving I held my hand out for the keys. The first thing I noticed was her cell phone on the divide. “That’s’ a big no no baby, when you’re driving your phone is to be locked away in your purse. You talk on your phone when you drive?”
“It’s more of a security measure than anything else.” More of that secret shit I guess. I held her hand as we drove, enjoying the feeling of just being.
“The tattoos and the piercing, what’s that about?”
“What do you mean?”
I saw the others behind us as we headed back to town. It was still early enough in the day that not that many people were on the road. Everyone was already at work I guess. “You don’t seem like the type, they don’t go.” She took her time answering me and I didn’t rush her.
“Well the piercing was just something I saw in a magazine and thought it was cute.” She stopped speaking and I felt a slight shiver in the hand that was clasped in mine. I gave her a gentle squeeze to carry on. “And?”
“The tattoo is for identification purposes.” That didn’t sound right, what the hell did that mean?
“Explain.”
“It’s in case something happens to me, my mom and dad would recognize me by this.” She lifted the arm with the tattoo seconds before she choked.
“Pull over Matt.” I barely made it to the side of the road before she was out the door, throwing up on the sidewalk. “What the fuck?” I was out the car and at her side in seconds. I heard car doors slamming and running feet as the others rushed towards us. I held her hair once more as she was sick and then pulled her into my chest.
“What’s going on bro?”
“Nothing Kadyn’s just not feeling well.” I gave him a look to drop it, which he caught and backed off. The girls tried taking her away from me to take care of her but I wasn’t having it. “I’ve got her, you guys should head back to the jeep.” I waited until they had left before speaking. My heart hurt a little because it was finally hitting home that she’d been hurt, that someone had done some shit to her that still terrified her. I tried to make sense of the rage that was beginning to form inside me. I felt the hidden places inside me opening that much wider, those places I’d fought so hard to lock away in a bid for self-preservation.
“Whatever happened in your life before today that makes you react this way, I want you to know that it’s over. You have me now, and I will stand between you and whatever did this to you.”
“Matt…”
“That’s a promise Kadyn, I put my life on it. Now let’s get you home.” I kissed her hair and lifted her in my arms so she wouldn’t step in her own puke and strapped her back into the car seat. Carrie came running over with a bottle of water for her to rinse her mouth and then we were off again.
I kept her hand in mine as I drove my mind playing the scene over and over again in my head. I held a tight rein on my emotions for her sake but inside I was a mess. I didn’t bring up any more heavy conversation for the duration of our ride, just held her hand and offered her what comfort I could. She was obviously a traumatized young girl and I was the man about to turn her life upside down. The one good thing I was sure of was that, no matter what had come before, what I had in store for her would be a thousand times better.