“Tom should be here soon,” he told everyone, and they answered with cheers. Tom was the supplier of alcohol.
A car stereo had been cranked up, and the windows rolled down, so that rock music wound its way to us at the shore. The steady beats seemed to vibrate through my chest.
Chloe and another girl, named Madison, danced around the fire while a few guys gathered wood to keep the fire going. Evan leaned toward me.
“Having fun yet?”
I smiled and nodded. “It’s nice getting out every once in a while.”
He grew serious. “How come you don’t come out with us more?”
What I wanted to say was, You guys don’t always invite me, or, Some nights I can’t stand the thought of being in public.
Instead I said, “I don’t know.”
“Well, you should,” he answered. “You should come out with us every night from now on.”
I laughed. “That would mean you couldn’t go to Arrow. And that wouldn’t be fair.”
He waved his hand in the air. “Arrow is lame anyway. They’ve started playing mostly techno music, and while I like techno music as much as the next guy, I need a little more rock, you know?”
I said yes, as if I did, but really I didn’t.
Headlights flickered through the trees as a vehicle wound its way up the narrow trail to our spot. Tom turned his truck around at the end of the road and backed up. When he climbed out, he said, “Booze is here!” and everyone cheered again.
“I’ll go mix you a drink,” Evan said, and hurried off.
Tom opened the truck’s tailgate, and a drinks station was quickly assembled. Chloe grabbed a beer and crashed into Evan’s abandoned chair.
She waggled her eyebrows. “How’s it going?”
“It’s going fine.”
“Don’t be coy. You want to jump his bones, don’t you?”
“Chloe!” I shouted.
“It’s fine if you do! Every girl here does.” She tipped her head at Madison, who was very very close to Evan’s side as she waited for the bottle of Coke. “Madison has had a crush on him for years. And Hanna”—she pointed at a petite girl across the fire from us, who was chatting with another guy but checking on Evan every few seconds—“hooked up with Evan last month and hasn’t stopped talking about it since. She will somehow find a way to insert it into every conversation. It drives us all mad.”
I looked from Hanna to Evan and wondered what had happened. I also wondered what that sour taste on the back of my tongue was and realized it was the taste of jealousy.
“So listen, kid,” Chloe said. “I know you try to pretend like (a) you don’t like Evan or (b) you’re somehow a Spam sandwich or the worst, (c), you’re invisible! But I think Evan likes you and I think you should have some fun and I think you should stop thinking about it so much and just do it.”
I wasn’t sure if she meant do it, as in it, or as in kiss, hold hands, whatever. I didn’t ask for clarification, because Evan reappeared at my side and shooed Chloe away.
She grinned at me as she wandered off.
“Here,” Evan said, and handed me a red plastic cup.
I gave it a cursory smell. It was a deep, rich smell, like amber and spices. I’d never had rum before. In fact, I’d only ever had a few glasses of wine. I wasn’t supposed to drink with all the medication I was on, but one wouldn’t hurt. Would it?
I thought about Aggie finding out. When I’d called her to tell her I’d be home late, she’d sounded positively ecstatic. She’d told me to stay out as long as I wanted, and that she wouldn’t wait up. Chances were she wouldn’t even find out I’d been drinking, but a sliver of shame twisted in my chest.
“Try it,” Evan said, and I took a drink.
The rum mixed with the Coke wasn’t so bad. It was good, even. I took another sip, and another.
Evan and I chatted while I finished my first cup. He made me another after I asked for more. Near the bottom of my second, my face grew warm and my head grew fuzzy. The fire shifted left, then right. Chloe skipped in front of me, chasing after Sean, and for a second I had a hard time focusing on her.
The more I drank, the lighter and fuzzier I felt. The more I laughed, the more Evan laughed. The more I felt like maybe I could do it, whatever it was.
A lot of my insecurities drifted away with the embers of the fire. I forgot about Gabriel, about losing my mother, the terrible things I’d gone through. I finally felt like a normal girl.
After I’d finished my second drink and half of my third, Evan asked if I’d go for a walk with him. I left my cup sitting on the ground near my chair, and Evan grabbed my hand as he pulled me into the woods.