“I have to go,” I said.
Sam cracked a knuckle and thought for a second. Finally, he stood up. “What’d you pack, then?”
He wasn’t asking about the clothes.
“A couple of knives. A Glock.”
He took a few steps toward me as he reached behind him, beneath his T-shirt, and pulled out the Browning. He dropped out the clip, checked the bullets, and slammed it back into place. “Take it.” He handed it to me.
“I got the Glock.”
His expression never wavered. “Take it. You’re on your own, you’ll need more guns. Just in case.”
I gave in. The Browning was his gun. If he was offering it to me, then it meant something important. “Thanks.”
“If you need us, call. We’ll be there in a second.”
“I will.” I wouldn’t.
He clapped my shoulder. “Don’t do anything stupid.”
“The shit I do can’t be half as stupid as the shit Cas does.”
Sam laughed and shook his head as he turned away. “I’m not going to reply to that.”
“Because it’s true.”
He pulled the door open and disappeared into the darkened hallway.
I took his spot on the bed, staring at the gun in my hands. I pictured the next few days alone, without Anna or Sam or even Cas within shouting distance, and started to wonder if I was making one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
The three of them were all I knew. All I’d ever needed to know.
But living like this, wondering about the past, about the mistakes I might have made, was tearing away at my insides like a handful of pills.
I had to go.
No matter what I found.
8
ELIZABETH
JUST AS EVAN PROMISED, EVERYONE changed their plans for me. It was a testament to how much sway Evan had over the group. Everyone did what Evan wanted.
The group had decided to have a bonfire out by Walsh Lake instead of going to Arrow. Evan picked up Chloe and me right on time, and he made his friend Sean move to the backseat, so I could ride shotgun. Another car with five of Evan’s friends inside trailed behind us on the road.
Walsh Lake was north of town, and though the drive usually took twenty-five minutes or so, Evan sped nearly the whole way, cutting it down to fifteen. He had a foreign sports car, one of those compact cars that rode close to the ground, with a rear spoiler that was nearly as tall as me. It was a manual transmission, and I couldn’t help but watch Evan as he shifted through the gears, the muscles and tendons in his forearm twining in a weird sort of dance.
With the night dark around us, the headlights cutting through it, and the summer air filtering in through our open windows, I started to plan what oils I’d mix to remember this night.
Mentally, I flipped through my collection. Amber, definitely. Musk. Maybe one of my cleaner fragrances, something reminiscent of a lake or—
“Lissy?” Evan said.
“What?”
He pulled his cell phone away from his ear and said, “What do you feel like drinking?”
One of Evan’s friends was old enough to buy alcohol and was taking requests before meeting us at the lake with the haul.
“Whatever you’re having.”
“Fifth of Morgan,” he said through the phone. Then, “I don’t care. Coke, I guess.” He ended the call and slid the phone into the center console.
A streetlight winked to red, and Evan shifted. The car’s engine went down an octave, but still rumbled as we waited for a green light.
“I’m glad you came out with us tonight,” he said.
“Me, too,” I answered, shoving my hands in my lap.
“We should do this more often.”
“Yeah,” Chloe said, and sat forward, sticking her head through the seats. “You need to get out more. You need to find a man, too.” She turned her head just enough to wink at me without Evan seeing.
“I volunteer,” Sean said. “I’m free tonight.”
Evan laughed and shook his head. “She’s too good for you, you idiot.”
The light flicked to green, and Evan hit the gas. The thrill of the takeoff, and his words, turned my stomach over on itself.
The west shore of Walsh Lake was dotted with openings where several fire pits had been installed. Across the lake, large, expensive houses were outlined in the moonlight, a few windows glowing amber in the dark.
Once we found an open spot, Evan parked, and we all clambered out. Crickets chirped from the underbrush and tree frogs croaked in between. The moon was full and cast its light on the black water in ripples of silver.
Evan started the bonfire with hardly any trouble before grabbing a few camping chairs from the trunk of his car. He offered me one and I sat. He opened a chair next to me and settled in as the fire gained ground.