“Do I get a vote in how we handle this?”
“Nope.”
“You just expect me to do what you say?”
“Yep.”
I wanted to argue with him some more, but I couldn’t think of a damn thing to say. I didn’t like him being in charge, but that was the nature of our arrangement. And I didn’t know whether to believe him about Jeff or not. If he was lying, I didn’t get to talk to my brother and that sucked.
But if he told the truth and I called, Jeff might die.
“I won’t contact Jeff,” I said. “But at some point I really want to go see my mom. It’s important.”
“You write your mom that letter, I’ll see that she gets it. Just don’t write anything about your brother. You with me?”
”Yeah.” He looked down at my mouth like he wanted to kiss me, but I turned my head away.
“Breakfast is ready,” I said, pushing at him. He stepped back and I hopped down, grabbing plates. We sat and ate together and I didn’t say anything. I was too busy rolling the situation over in my head and trying to make sense of it. Things had looked simple when Picnic held a gun to Jeff’s head.
Go with Horse, save Jeff.
Now Jeff was in even bigger trouble—assuming Horse wasn’t lying to me. I was his collateral, except sometimes he treated me like a hostage and sometimes he gave me fantastic orgasms. We had our own separate rooms but we’d slept downstairs together. Oh, and he almost killed a guy who almost shot me after definitely having public sex with me at a party. Sex I enjoyed.
Nope, nothing weird going on here at all.
“How would you feel about me going to town for a while, by myself, today?” I asked, tracing the grain in the wooden block with my finger. Might as well test this arrangement a little, see if I actually had the choices he said I did. If I could really leave.
“I guess that depends on what your plans are,” he replied slowly. “I have to go by the armory today. You can ride in with me if you’d like.”
“I’d rather go on my own,” I said, stealing a quick glance at him. He sat back, relaxed, thoughtful. The silence stretched between us and I couldn’t take it any longer. Too much quiet, too much weirdness. “I want to start looking for a job as soon as possible.”
“What do you need a job for?”
“To earn money?” I said. He stared at me. “You know, green stuff to exchange for goods and services?”
“All this shit going down around you and the thing you’re gonna focus on is finding a job?” he asked, raising his brows.
“It’s better than sitting around and thinking about all this shit going down around me,” I snapped. I suddenly wanted something normal, something that I controlled. Wanted to be alone and think somewhere that I wasn’t surrounded by him, his sexy smell or his things.
“You need money, let me know and I’ll give it to you,” he replied. “You need shit to do, take care of the house and cook. No job.”
“Is that because of my brother or because you don’t want me working or what?” I demanded, the words tumbling out so fast he didn’t have a shot at answering before I hit him again. “I thought you said this is all my choice. What are the limits of this little arrangement? You gave me a phone and my car, so why can’t I get a job? How long will this go on? How will I support myself when it’s over? Everything is up in the air and I can’t call Jeff and my mom doesn’t know where I am and—”
Horse stood up and reached across the butcher block and pulled me over to him. He kissed me, hard, shutting me up. A dish fell to the floor and shattered, but he just maintained his assault on my mouth, falling back into his chair, pulling me down onto his lap and arranging my legs on either side of his hips. He kept kissing me as he rubbed his hands up and down my back, soothing me. Finally he stopped, and I stared into his eyes, emotionally exhausted.
“You can’t do this,” he said.
“What?” I whispered.
“Freak out over stuff you can’t control.”
“So I’m just supposed to do nothing and wait for my brother to get killed by these really bad guys? That’s assuming you don’t kill him first, right?”
“No, you’re supposed to take care of yourself and keep safe, so that if your brother pulls his shit together he’ll have a sister alive to celebrate with,” he replied, his voice serious. “And in the meantime you can keep busy taking care of me. Cook, clean, all that crap. I’ll watch your back and maybe we’ll get through this without everything blowing up in our faces, okay?”