I suck in a deep breath, my temper still dangerously close to boiling over. If there's one person I've met who needs money more than I do, it's her. But still.
I straighten my shoulders and lift my chin. "Listen. You don't get to run my life or make decisions for me. You don't get to decide whether I do or don't need the cash from working a weekend. You have no idea what it's like to be me, and what it's like to be worried about making enough money so you don't have to eat PB&J for weeks at a time."
The smile on Boone's face fades and his expression goes dark. "You think I don't know what it's like not to know where your next meal is coming from? You think you're the only one who has ever had to worry about making ends meet?"
"You just told me about your perfect parents and perfect childhood and perfect freaking life, so no. I don't think you know what that's like."
Boone's eyebrows dive into slashes between his eyes. "I lived in my car for six months-through the goddamned winter. Some nights I couldn't sleep because my teeth would chatter so hard. If I didn't pull in enough tips at the bar or find odd jobs, I didn't eat the next day. I know what it's like, Ripley, but I also didn't have friends like you do. No one rolled out the welcome mat for me and told me to stay as long as I liked. No one helped me get a job or a break. You're buried so deep in the struggle, you can't see all the good you've got around you."
"Because the struggle is all I know! I can't rely on anyone but me. If I do and it falls through, then I'm even more screwed than I was before."
"You think Hope is going to screw you over?"
"No, but-"
"You think I'm going to screw you over?"
"I don't know-"
"Well, I do. And it's not fucking happening, so just let me help you. I've already given your bird a home for as long as you need it. What else can I do to prove to you that I just want to help?"
"I don't know." This time, instead of sputtering in anger, I whisper it. "I don't know how to do this."
The fear of getting backhanded by life again blazes through me, and Boone curves a hand around my neck and meets my eyes. "Then I'll show you. Give me a chance to prove myself. I'm not him. I'm not any of them."
"You have to promise you're not going to step in and cancel my shifts again. Ever. I've been running my own life for too long to let someone walk in and take over."
"I'm not trying to take over. I just want to give you one weekend where you're not trapped behind a bar. When's the last time you actually did something fun?"
I'm silent for a few beats before I answer. "With you."
Boone finally smiles again. "That was nothing. Just wait until you get the whole Thrasher clan."
20
Ripley
My anxiety notches up with each mile that passes. We're in Boone's truck because he wasn't sure how the weather was going to hold out and didn't want to chance it in the 442. I stare out the window with my hands folded in my lap and take in the passing scenery. I've never been to this part of the state, so everything is new.
Actually, I've never been much of anywhere. To Memphis once with Hope so we could see Graceland. I'm knocking on the door to thirty years old, and I've never left the state of Tennessee. What would Boone say if he knew that? He's probably been to almost every state in the union and tons of foreign countries. Places I can only dream about visiting if I stay my course and don't seriously consider what could happen if I tried to make a go of it in the music industry.
"You're awfully quiet," he says.
I look across the cab of the truck and find him studying me. "Just taking in the scenery."
"Nervous?"
To meet his entire family? Is he insane? Obviously, I'm nervous.
"Yep."
"They're good people. You've got nothing to worry about. Ma will love you. I already know that."
"How?" I turn in my seat to face him.
Boone shrugs. "I just do."
"Did she like Amber?" I don't know why I ask the question, but it's out and I can't take it back.
Boone inhales and slowly releases a long breath. "No. She didn't. They saw it way before I did."
This time, I'm studying him as he fixes his eyes on the road in front of us. "Saw what?"
"That Amber didn't want me for me, only for what being with me would do for her. She said all the things I wanted to hear, but I was too blind to see it was all bullshit." He glances at me. "That's why I know Ma will like you. You refuse to take a damn thing from me without being forced, and you don't hesitate to tell me how it is, regardless of what I might think or say."