Real Men Don't Quit(33)

“So what?”

“So bubbling with happiness whenever you talk about him.”

Tyler pursed her lips, unable to think of a flippant reply. Did she go all gushy and girlie when she spoke about Luke to her friend? Her chest panged. On recollection, she had been rambling on about him ever since she and Luke had started sleeping together. And she couldn’t remember when last she’d babbled about a man. But that didn’t mean she was in love with Luke. Definitely not.

She faked a nonchalant shrug. “Oh yeah, he makes me happy all right, especially in bed, but don’t get any wrong ideas. Both Luke and I know it’s temporary.”

“Oh, that’s a pity.” Ally looked crestfallen. “You two make such a great couple, and Chloe seems so taken with Luke.”

Tyler’s chest tightened again as she instinctively sought out her daughter in the play area. Luke might have a great rapport with Chloe, but that was very different from being a full-time parent. Yet another reason to keep reminding herself that Luke was not a fixture in her life. He made her happy for now, and that was good, but it would also be good when he left, and she could go back to her usual independent life, which didn’t rely on anyone for happiness.





Chapter Twelve

Luke’s head rested on soft pillows. Moonlight peeking through the curtains cast a silver blue hue over Tyler’s bare skin, turning her hair an ethereal shade of mulberry. Her chest rose and fell with the gentle ticking of her breath, her body loose and soft in Luke’s arms, liberated after their high-octane lovemaking. Clothes lay scattered around the room, while her purple bra dangled from one of the bed posters. He held her close as she fell asleep, watching her eyelids flutter with her dreams.

A faint cry coming from the direction of Chloe’s bedroom broke the late-night hush. Luke raised his head, and a moment later another whimper drifted down the hallway. Sliding his arm out from under Tyler, he rose from the bed, careful not to make too much noise.

“I’ve got it.” Tyler brushed past him. Before he could take another step, she threw her robe around herself and hustled out the bedroom.

He sank back onto the bed and waited. It didn’t take long before she returned. “Everything okay?” he asked.

“Yes. A not very nice dream, but Mr. Piggy is protecting her now, so everything’s okay.” She fluffed up the pillows.

“You were out of here like greased lightning. Are you always such a light sleeper?”

“Where Chloe’s concerned, yes.” Pausing in her pummeling, she tilted her head sideways. “And what were you planning to do just before I woke?”

“I thought I’d see to Chloe. You were fast asleep.”

She shook her head and resumed punching the pillows. “Firstly, I’ve already said I don’t want Chloe knowing about us, and secondly, I always go to Chloe when she cries in the night. Always, without fail.” The line between her eyes sharpened.

Leaning across the bed, he covered her hand to stop her mauling the pillow. “Hey, whatever it is I’ve done to piss you off, I’m sorry. I was only trying to help.”

She blew out her breath. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to get all snippy.”

He flicked the sheet back and patted the mattress next to him. “Why don’t you get comfortable?”

Without speaking, she climbed into bed and reclined on the pillows, but even though she wasn’t touching him, he could still sense the tension in her body.

“Do you want me to leave?” he eventually asked.

“No.” She peered at him through the hazy light. “No,” she repeated more slowly.

Her quick answer gratified him, but there was still something odd about her response, something that restrained him from wrapping his arms around her as he wanted to. Turning onto his side, he watched her as she chewed her lip, her eyes still troubled. “Want to tell me what’s bothering you?” he asked softly.

For a moment he thought she would reject him with a flippant reply, but then she said, “It’s Chloe. Whenever I hear her cry in the middle of the night, it tears me up inside.”

“I don’t understand. You were with her in a matter of seconds.”

“Tonight I was, and most nights I am. Ever since she was born, I’m wide awake at the first whimper.” She drew her knees up to her chest, curling into a fetal position. “But one night I wasn’t there for her.”

She sounded as if the words were being torn from of her. “Go on,” he said.

Tyler took a deep breath. Plainly it was a struggle to get the words out. “Chloe was six months old. She’d been teething and fretting for days, weeks, and I hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep since before she was born. I—I’m not making excuses for myself, just explaining the circumstances. One night she wouldn’t settle no matter what I tried, and she wouldn’t let me have a moment to myself, just cried and cried. In the end I lost it. I screamed and yelled at her.” Tyler hugged herself tighter, her face growing ashen. “And then I did the most horrible thing a mother could do.”

Luke’s throat dried as possibilities flashed through his mind.

“I picked up my purse and left the apartment.” She gulped hard. “I walked down to the local pub and sat there drinking mineral water.” Shuddering, she smacked the heel of her hand against her forehead. “I was so darn tired, and I couldn’t bear it anymore. I-I even contemplated ringing up social services and telling them to take my baby away because I couldn’t look after her. Can you believe I would consider such a thing?”

“But you didn’t do it.”

“No. Suddenly I came to my senses. I realized what I’d done and ran back home as fast as I could.” She hiccupped, white teeth gnawing at her lower lip. “I found Chloe fast asleep. She hadn’t even cried because the sheet wasn’t damp, and she slept right through until morning, the first time she ever did. I know because I sat up and watched her all night.”

Heart aching for Tyler, Luke touched the wetness tracking down her cheeks. “Don’t cry,” he whispered. “You didn’t do anything bad.”

“But I did!” Her face screwed up. “I abandoned my own baby. I walked out on her.”

“You did the best thing in the circumstances. Better to take a walk than to lash out at her in frustration.” Using his thumb, he swiped the moisture away from her cheek. “You shouldn’t feel ashamed about that night.”

Tyler swallowed, her expression still tortured. “But I thought about giving up my baby, putting her into foster care. Isn’t that monstrous?”

He stared at her. “Because that’s what your mother did to you?” Finally he realized the true extent of her torment—that she would turn out like her own mother. It explained so much—her fierce protection of Chloe, her hostility toward Gretchen, and her still-festering relationship with her mother. He drew her into his arms. “Darling, you could never be a monster. You don’t have it in you. Chloe is so lucky to have you for a mother.”

Shivering, she clung to him. “Thanks,” she muttered into his chest. “You don’t know how much that means to me.”

As he held her close, it dawned on him that for once she’d lowered her barriers and was allowing herself to lean on him, even draw comfort from him. The spunky Tyler the outside world saw was temporarily replaced by a vulnerable woman confiding her darkest fears to him.

“Believe me,” he said, hugging her closer, “I know from my sisters’ experiences how hard it can be raising children, even if you’re lucky enough to have a supportive husband. At one time or another each of my sisters has turned up at my mother’s house with a crying baby, and at their wits’ end.” He nestled her head on his shoulder and rested his chin against her hair. “Mum would order whoever it was to go home while she and I looked after the baby for a few hours.”

“That sounds nice,” Tyler said with a sniff.

“Yes, and it doesn’t mean my sisters were bad mothers. They simply needed a break. You put too many expectations on yourself.” He paused, knowing he was tiptoeing into a minefield, but figuring he had to stick his neck out for her. “And even if you had called social services, that still wouldn’t have made you a bad mother.”

Instantly she stiffened, as he’d predicted. “How can you say that? That’s exactly what a bad mother would do—hand her child over to some stranger.”

“Not if that were in the child’s best interests.”

She pulled away from him, tightening her robe around her as she sat up. “I disagree, and you know stuff all about the subject.”

Great. But he had to push on. Might as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb. “I know you have a huge chip on your shoulder about asking for help.” He clambered over the sheets toward her, but she shuffled out of reach. “Which is why you shut out people like Gretchen so ruthlessly.”

She gasped, eyes widening with hurt. “I thought you were on my side.”

Damn, why did she look like he’d stabbed her through the heart? “I am on your side, but I’m also on Chloe’s side, and I think it wouldn’t be bad for her to have some kind of relationship with her grandmother.”