Reaching Retribution(107)

I died. Again.

“Did I do it?” I ask. “Is Zahtri gone?”

“He’s gone,” Claire says. “You did well, dear. You did well.”

I push myself off the ground. “Not well enough. I’m here. I’m not at the compound anymore. I freaking died again.” I bite my lip and try to not cry, but a single tear rolls down my cheek.

My mom rushes forward and wraps her arms around me. “Don’t cry, dear.” I wrap my arms around her waist and cry onto her shoulder. When you tell someone not to cry, it becomes impossible to actually listen to them. Something inside me has to rebel against authority.

“Do you remember what I told you that first day in the book store, Ryanne?” Claire asks.

“Umm, you told me the town was full of unexplainable things,” I reply. Before I even finished speaking, she starts shaking her head.

“I told you not everything is as it seems. Magic has a way of complicating things. You’re not really dead, Ryanne. Right now, you’re sort of in…between life and death.”

“How is that possible?”

“You pushed all your magic out, Ryanne. Literally all of it,” she says.

“I couldn’t risk him getting away.” Zahtri was strong. I had to make sure he wasn’t going to walk away from that situation. “I had to.”

Jedrek steps forward. “Do you remember how I told you that your magic was mixed with your blood?” I nod. Of course I remember that conversation. “Well, when you came into your magic, it became an intricate part of you. You need it to survive. Your magic isn’t like an appendix. You can’t just have surgery to have it removed and then go about things like nothing is missing. Your magic is like your heart. You can’t live without a heart, Ryanne.”

“So…I killed myself,” I state.

“You’re not dead,” Vincent says. I watch as Claire looks over her shoulder and smiles widely at him. Even in death, she found happiness. Vincent glances over at her. I can see the love in his eyes as he looks at her.

“Then what’s going to happen to me?” I ask to anyone who can give me an answer.

“That depends on you,” my mom says. I look up at her as she speaks. She still has her arms around me.

“What do you mean?”

“When you died before, you had to overcome your insecurities to go back. You had to promise me that you’d start seeing yourself as others do. You promised to believe you were strong enough to succeed and that you were good enough for Colton.”

“I did. I do. I overcame all of those things.”

“Yes, you did honey,” she says. “This isn’t like that.”

“Then what is this like?” I ask. I look between all of them. I don’t really know if I like where this conversation is going. Vincent looks at me with sad eyes. My mom’s grip around me tightens. I look at Claire and then focus on my mom. “Mom, please tell me.”

“There’s nothing you can do but wait.”

“Wait? What the heck am I waiting for?” I demand as I step out of her arms.

“Whether or not your body is strong enough to heal itself.”

“Well then, I’m screwed,” I mumble as I sit down on the ground. “How long does it take for my body to realize I’m actually dead?”

“That’s not the right attitude,” Claire says. “You need to think positively, Ryanne.”

“I need to think positively?” I ask incredulously. “Do you realize what you’re asking of me? Do you know how hard it was for me to finally realize that I was strong enough to end this? I didn’t figure that out until a few hours ago while I was in the middle of that fight.”

“You defeated Zahtri,” Kyril says. “You defeated the Gadramick that even Dravin was afraid of. You know you’re strong, Ryanne, you just don’t know how strong you really are. You’re going to pull through this.”

I sit down on the ground. How do I always get myself into these situations? Why do I always get myself into these situations? “I know what’ll happen if I die tonight,” I look up at Claire. I remember what she told me when I died in that hotel room. Dravin and Zahtri aren’t alive, so not everything will play out like she previously stated, but I still can’t risk it. “I can’t let that happen, Claire. I can’t let that path be paved. What do I have to do?”

“Be positive,” Jedrek says. “Think positively.”

I’m not usually a very positive person. In fact, if there was a positivity award, I would never be a recipient. Ever. Right now though, I can at least try to think on the bright side. I can think of the glass half-full.