Emery would always be alone.
A few months ago, she’d been searching the internet when she’d come across a quote from Stephen King that she believed ruled her life. He’d indicated the word “alone,” was the worst word in the English language. He’d said murder didn’t “hold a candle to it and hell was a poor synonym.” His statement was the deepest truth she’d ever read. Emery couldn’t imagine a life worse than the one she lived, other than living with Phil.
She’d never get to just go to the beach with friends. She’d never have a family. It made everything seem worthless and unnecessary, like maybe her life would be better back in Atlanta. As soon as she had those thoughts, she realized what being alone did. It made her perspective and memory skewed.
She turned up her beer, yearning for numbness.
Later that evening, Emery pulled her car into a spot down the street and walked slowly to her house, not knowing what she would see when she got there. Ms. Carter’s lights were on, so she knocked. After a few minutes, the old woman opened the door and Dixie ran around her feet.
“Hi, dear,” Ms. Carter said with a smile. “Come in and let me get you some tea and cookies.”
Emery smiled at the woman who just assumed everyone would want tea and cookies. “How are you?”
“Oh, thank you so much for calling for me today and getting help. I fainted. I haven’t done that in years.”
“But you’re okay?” Emery just stood there, uncomfortable and not knowing what to do.
“Sure, honey.” Ms. Carter walked over to the couch and motioned for Emery to sit. “I’m glad we’re finally getting a chance to talk. You’ve been busy since you’ve been here.”
Emery suddenly felt very bad she hadn’t taken the time to speak with Ms. Carter more than a cursory greeting. “I work a lot.”
“I know dear. You work for DFCS, right?”
“Yes, ma’am.” Emery took a sip of her tea and tried not to grimace at its syrupy sweetness.
“What else?” Ms. Carter eyed her over her peanut butter cookie.
“Excuse me?”
“What else do you do, dear? From what I see, it’s not much.” She put the cookie down on a plate colored with exotic flowers.
Emery was silent at the rudeness of this woman.
“Dear, you have to excuse me,” Ms. Carter said sweetly. “I’m old and don’t have the constitution or inclination to hold my tongue. I wasn’t always this way. I just meant, you’re a precious young thing and you never have any friends over except that black-headed hellion. Are you one of those lesbians?”
Emery looked down at her hands so she wouldn’t burst out laughing at the audacity of this woman. She stood up. “Listen, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Emery walked over to the door and turned the knob.
“Emma, I just don’t want you to end up like me, dear. Take today, for example. When something happens to me, no one knows or cares. It takes the kindness of a stranger to make sure I’m okay.” She looked up at Emery. “You don’t want that.”
Emery nodded and closed the door behind her. She wondered why Ms. Carter was by herself. Was she always a solitary person or did something force her to build barriers around herself?
Happy twentieth slash twenty-third birthday.
Alone. Hell.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Ice Cream Can Make Anything Better
She had been doing her job for a while now and was getting more comfortable with it. Emery’s goal hadn’t changed—she wanted to help one kid every single day. Most days she felt like she did that.
Twelve people sat around the table and she was the youngest of them all, even at her pretend age. Lucas’s mom didn’t even bother to show up. Emery was sitting next to the lead special education teacher at Lucas’s elementary school. On the other side of her was one of the administrators who thought Lucas was deaf. It really pissed her off, because that just showed they didn’t care about him. She’d already had several aggressive discussions with the administrators about this and they had no good explanation as to why the school didn’t realize he wasn’t deaf the first time she’d been called to the school, especially since there was proof in his file that he’d passed a hearing test. And even if he was deaf, they hadn’t provided any amount of resources to ensure he was accessing the curriculum. There was no interpreter, nothing. She’d thought about contacting a public defender to sue the school.
Because school was ending, they were developing his individual education plan for the next school year. The IEP explains what services the school must provide in order for Lucas to make progress toward the goals decided by the team. Due to his deficits, they had to go over his current performance in school, his behavior, and any changes they need to make to the plan in order to make sure Lucas gets what he needs educationally.